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I realized recently that I havenāt felt sincere passion for anything since I was like.. maybe 12 or 13 years old. I donāt really feel joy or excitement when it comes to doing the things I like or care about. I sometimes feel satisfaction from doing tasks, and if I force myself to do a little art project I might feel content, but nothing motivates meā I donāt feel any drive or spark to do the things that used to bring me joy.
I do also think this is compounded by my use of social media and devices. Iām so used to the instant gratification and dopamine rushes my brain gets from instagram and twitter and dating apps that I donāt feel compelled to put the work into a long-term project or something that would engage me. The payoff doesnāt feel worth it in the moment, so I procrastinate and procrastinate until the thoughts themselves dissipate. Why work my brain when I can sit in bed all day and consume media, especially if it doesnāt demand anything from me!
Anyway, truth be told, Iām embarrassed by my rotted brain. Iām embarrassed that I donāt feel the desire to get up and do stuff. I see people around me doing what they love and loving it, and I feel immense sorrow. I feel empty and alone most of the time. I wonder if this is an epidemic in our generation or if itās just me. #Commentdownbelowwhatuthink.
I do also think this is compounded by my use of social media and devices. Iām so used to the instant gratification and dopamine rushes my brain gets from instagram and twitter and dating apps that I donāt feel compelled to put the work into a long-term project or something that would engage me. The payoff doesnāt feel worth it in the moment, so I procrastinate and procrastinate until the thoughts themselves dissipate. Why work my brain when I can sit in bed all day and consume media, especially if it doesnāt demand anything from me!
Anyway, truth be told, Iām embarrassed by my rotted brain. Iām embarrassed that I donāt feel the desire to get up and do stuff. I see people around me doing what they love and loving it, and I feel immense sorrow. I feel empty and alone most of the time. I wonder if this is an epidemic in our generation or if itās just me. #Commentdownbelowwhatuthink.
Jul 11, 2025
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I feel like I could've written this same thing on a bad day! None of this is uncommon, and a lot of it comes down to our brains being bad at predicting how we will feel in the future. So, yeah, you're human! Depressed and human. And you could need some help to get through it. Through the depression, that is. Humanity is incurable lol š
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šThe dial that controls my creative output has not been cranked to the max lately and Iāve been getting upset at myself for it. Its felt like Iāve been wasting my free time by doing things that I like instead of things that are productive, and in turn enjoying those things less because Iām thinking about how I should be bettering myself or my world in some way.
I know there will be a time when the juices flow again because they have once before, and while I am in this dry spell Iām trying not to crucify myself too rigorously for not doing much writing and instead trying to make it to the end of the day without telling myself that I need to kill myself too many times to be deemed socially or even asocially acceptable.
Maybe a less prideful individual would just call it being depressed, but I must convolute around taking the easy way out and chalking it up to some misfiring neurons to instead convince myself that I am a cog in some unknowable cosmic engine and I simply must wait for some 7th dimensional machine elf to power me back on before Feeling Like Myself Again
I know there will be a time when the juices flow again because they have once before, and while I am in this dry spell Iām trying not to crucify myself too rigorously for not doing much writing and instead trying to make it to the end of the day without telling myself that I need to kill myself too many times to be deemed socially or even asocially acceptable.
Maybe a less prideful individual would just call it being depressed, but I must convolute around taking the easy way out and chalking it up to some misfiring neurons to instead convince myself that I am a cog in some unknowable cosmic engine and I simply must wait for some 7th dimensional machine elf to power me back on before Feeling Like Myself Again
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I have the feminine urge to just pull my hair and roll up in a ball and cry and maybe catch on fire if I have the time too.
I'm not sure why but this month, though short, has been so awful. I'm actually feeling the academic stress creeping onto me, holding me in it's grasp like a vice. I can't focus, I can't sleep no matter how much I want to or how much I try. Being a junior everything just feels so real now.
I've lost my passion to learn more, to explore things and to actually give a damn about what I like. French for instance has become a nuisance, a pile of work just building rapidly which sucks because I've always loved that subject.
Math has always and will keep being my demise, never being my strong suit. I've genuinely started trying to learn but it's just so confusing and hard to keep up with. Core is another subject where I've lost all creativity, making me feel asnif my writing is inferior to everyone else's, and it's because of this class I feel so much pressure to always be great and go above and beyond.
I hate feeling like this, I don't want to fail.
Genuinely the greatest mystery to me is how peers who pick up many sports, extracurriculars, go home late, to to bed late, can ace their classes and be so cheery? Like can I please know your secret? How do they do it?
I've lost all motivation to do anything, and because of this I feel so utterly lost.
I'm not sure why but this month, though short, has been so awful. I'm actually feeling the academic stress creeping onto me, holding me in it's grasp like a vice. I can't focus, I can't sleep no matter how much I want to or how much I try. Being a junior everything just feels so real now.
I've lost my passion to learn more, to explore things and to actually give a damn about what I like. French for instance has become a nuisance, a pile of work just building rapidly which sucks because I've always loved that subject.
Math has always and will keep being my demise, never being my strong suit. I've genuinely started trying to learn but it's just so confusing and hard to keep up with. Core is another subject where I've lost all creativity, making me feel asnif my writing is inferior to everyone else's, and it's because of this class I feel so much pressure to always be great and go above and beyond.
I hate feeling like this, I don't want to fail.
Genuinely the greatest mystery to me is how peers who pick up many sports, extracurriculars, go home late, to to bed late, can ace their classes and be so cheery? Like can I please know your secret? How do they do it?
I've lost all motivation to do anything, and because of this I feel so utterly lost.
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š·I need to work. I need to keep my mind busy with goals. Big ones, small ones, ambitions and routines, I need it all. As a kid I was always labeled uh, like smart. Or something like that. Gifted. I was a gifted child hahahahaha. I was praised for my verbose conversations, and knowledge of trivial shit from pop culture and presidential history. I didnāt have a lot of solid friends growing up, and I spent a lot of my time with adults. So, I was always pampered with āYouāre gonna be ____ one day!ā And that shit. I never built a work ethic. I guess itās my fault, but I donāt know if it was internal or external. As an adult now, I feel like I have to make up for that lost time. I have to constantly work on my personal affairs, and the events I do. Or else Iāll fall into that childhood-teenage bad habit of not doing anything.
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every time i hear the robyn song dancing on my own i think of the scene in girls when marnie and hannah dance in hannahās room after she find out her ex was gay. itās such a perfect scene and a perfect song, and i really feel they both encapsulate the feeling private dance parties evoke for me.
it took me longer than it should have to get into it, but now i think i organically feel the need to have a dance party in my room once a week or so. i think this is the way it should be.
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