Rec | MEN AND BECOMING A SYMPTOM OF THEIR SELF DEPRIVATION

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MEN AND BECOMING A SYMPTOM OF THEIR SELF DEPRIVATION

ok maybe I shouldn't be so gender specific but hear me out. idk what it is but men will have exactly what they want in front of them. a cookie, a job, a woman, ANYTHING. if it comes in a way that feels slightly "too easily" to them they won't accept it. Vs: I find that most women live in an abundance mindset and are often open to receiving. And then women are taught things like "Men love bitches. Be hard to chase etc." which there's so much truth to that. Yeah, a healthy level of unavailability fosters attraction. But I think theres a deeper issue here and i'm only speaking on it because I find that I often become a symptom of a man's self deprivation. To me it seems Men feel if there's no level of aggressive struggle or hardship to get the thing they want it's either "not real" or "they can't have it because they'll lose it too fast." It makes me question if it's a level of social media's illusion of options? How we as a society accept good things that arrive to us? At what level is chasing something and fighting so relentlessly that it's "enough" for your satisfaction and sense of reward and it feels valid? shit drives me crazy. I know you guys will cook me for this opinion but curious on your take.

@courtnipoe

1d ago

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@eatgraeps

To compound on what others have said about the surplus concept, im thinking this could be a result of male/female socialization where women are taught to be in greater service to their partner and settle down whereas it seems to be more acceptable for men to play the field? If we achieved gender equality and both genders actually liked each other at the same rate and had truly equal opportunity for self actualization i don’t think this would be an issue. No offense to the men on this site but you have not seen how the troglodytes on tinder speak to me

1d ago

@royallmonarch

@EATGRAEPS this is valid

1d ago

@eatgraeps

@EATGRAEPS Honestly if we had gender equality women would probably also be addicted to the chase

1d ago

@eatgraeps

@EATGRAEPS Many are… just maybe at lower rates. Idk im not a scientist

1d ago

@courtnipoe

@EATGRAEPS EXACTLY. ugh love this perspective!!!!!!!!

20h ago

@royallmonarch

it’s the manifestation of surplus enjoyment in modern dating. humans broadly enjoy the pursuit of something maybe even more than the obtaining of something if there’s no scarcity of the thing which they pursue. if something is abundant then the experience of it becomes mundane or expected and the pursuit is the thing which we derive more pleasure from.

1d ago

@courtnipoe

@ROYALLMONARCH yup I truly think this is spot on because it comes down to simple human nature

20h ago

@_bilal_

Literally not gonna cook you but rather thank you for putting this to words. I wrote in my journal the other day precisely about how I suffer from this and have been contemplating on my current relationship because of how easy it came about, which for some reason (and this i wrote about), seems to be a problem for me and for what reason? I cannot understand! theres just some visceral feelingwithin me that hates this idea of things coming easy. It’s driving me a bit crazy, because while there’s no real issue, I’ve somehow made one out of thin air.

1d ago

@_bilal_

@_BILAL_ also sorry on behalf of us who are like this that you are on the other end 😓

1d ago

@royallmonarch

@_BILAL_ life is hard but also sometimes life is so easy

1d ago

@courtnipoe

@_BILAL_ sending u the biggest hug ever. incredible that you can articulate this for yourself even. you're already winning!!!!

20h ago

@moonbeams

I know so many men with this mindset and seeing it in words was a revelation. Why are they so scared to let themselves be happy?? Like life will give and take and yeah you won't be happy forever but that doesn't mean you never should be?? The nice thing is right there? Enjoy it!! It's so so frustrating

1d ago

@courtnipoe

@MOONBEAMS EXACTLY LIKE WTF IS GOING ON

20h ago

@mattshawsome

I think you are definitely on to something here — that for many (some?), there's this default desire to pursue a thing, to fight for it, to face opposition—to experience adventure—before accepting that good thing/reward. And that default desire for adventure or to endure a fight before the reward can express in beautiful and selfless and courageous ways, or it can show up ways that are toxic and unloving and selfish. Part of the the maturing process, I think, is becoming able to discern when to simply graciously receive the good thing in front of you versus when to fight courageously for good thing you don't yet have. I hate it for you that you've had to experience the consequences of others' immaturity in this area.

1d ago

@courtnipoe

@MATTSHAWSOME this response is a 1000000/10. so well explained. THANK YOU

20h ago

@bee1000

As a man, I’m glad I have no idea what you’re talking about!

1d ago

@courtnipoe

@BEE1000 love this for YOU🩷🩷🩷🩷

1d ago

@jahnneke

Doesn't go for all men but I have def met men who are like this. They were taught all valuable things are something you have to work hard for.. so when something is easy it cannot be valuable. Obviously that can lead to very toxic relationship dynamics.

1d ago

@courtnipoe

@JAHNNEKE exactly but lately it's like ODDDDDDD especially in dating etc

1d ago

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