A lot of my friends (myself included) got married young; I myself locked down marriage by 22. What I’ve noticed is that when you’re married younger, you don’t get to develop into the generalized stereotypical douche bag archetypes that guys hit in their 20’s — indie sleeze ball, frat bro with allegations, overly into himself athletic dude, guy who is too niche into their hobbies, neighborhood womanizer, etc.
This doesn’t mean we’re perfect, just means we missed out on what could be peak horrific boy era that you see from 21-30. What has been weird though is seeing how many guys in that age range now are leaning into the…again STEREOTYPED incel/incel adjacent persona. It’s so strange. I don’t associate myself with many of these guys but I sure do see them (and hear about them) from my friends.
Tie that into the stereotype that men shouldn‘t go through therapy (for myself, inherited from a strong immigrant father who has done hard labor since 19) and you’ve got a really messed up bag of guys out there.
They either are horrible humans overall, or are just oblivious to what it means to be a normal person, or are in their own headspace and don’t understand why others aren’t thinking like them, or have fallen deep into weird religious and/or political movements that pins them as the victims.
In short: no, men are not okay.
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Not going to write another out of touch thinkpiece about how Rogan corrupted the youth since everyone with a Substack has beaten that dead horse already. Speaking from personal experience, I am okay, in that I am content with myself, and don’t think that anyone (especially women) owes me anything. I tend to keep sane company so I can say relatively the same thing about a majority of the male friends I keep, but men as a whole, in America? Nah. Too many men who think therapy is gay and have that grifter hustler Mister Moneyspread mindset.
I have zero clue how you could solve the issues men face today, but do think a good thing would be for men to stop idolizing scammers and grifters. That shit not cool, no one should strive to scam, and yet we have an entire genre of men who make it their entire career to scam or get you into some crypto fintech startup that’s funny with the money. That’s a terrible indicator of where men are now.
4d ago
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I read once that our culture teaches girls and young women that they have to work hard and plan to get what they want in life. Disney princesses have to take on a lot of responsibility.
Cis white men on the other hand don’t get those messages. We’ve always been able to coast along and our privileged position in society has meant we can end up successful without planning or withoutinitiative.
Now men don’t get by as easily as that, and they’re lost as to how to go about it. They do poorly in school, they lack self motivation, and they don’t get their shit together.
Huge generalities in there, and I’m plagiarizing an article I read, but it feels right to me.
I do think there’s something to the idea that American men are not prepared to fend for themselves in life. So I can imagine dating us is frustrating.
Jul 3, 2024
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ok maybe I shouldn't be so gender specific but hear me out. idk what it is but men will have exactly what they want in front of them. a cookie, a job, a woman, ANYTHING. if it comes in a way that feels slightly "too easily" to them they won't accept it. Vs: I find that most women live in an abundance mindset and are often open to receiving. And then women are taught things like "Men love bitches. Be hard to chase etc." which there's so much truth to that. Yeah, a healthy level of unavailability fosters attraction. But I think theres a deeper issue here and i'm only speaking on it because I find that I often become a symptom of a man's self deprivation.
To me it seems Men feel if there's no level of aggressive struggle or hardship to get the thing they want it's either "not real" or "they can't have it because they'll lose it too fast." It makes me question if it's a level of social media's illusion of options? How we as a society accept good things that arrive to us? At what level is chasing something and fighting so relentlessly that it's "enough" for your satisfaction and sense of reward and it feels valid?
shit drives me crazy.
I know you guys will cook me for this opinion but curious on your take.
May 10, 2025
Top Recs from @marianoleonczik
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I feel like there’s a special connectivity on this app that I haven’t felt in a long time, maybe since early 2010’s tumblr. The fact that you can’t promote yourself like IG is wonderful. The fact that there isn’t mass video content like Tik Tok is great. It’s not this monetized / paid sponsorship app. People are here because they want to be a part of something with nothing to gain besides friendship. Seeing the URL -> IRL meetups warms my heart so much (waiting for an NYC or Brooklyn meetup).
Thanks for your participation on this niche little app. I smile reading all the recs and all the comments and all the asks. Hope we’ll all be here for a long time.
Jun 15, 2024
florinegrassenhopper riotgrrrl brendanooooo slowdazzle buck_mcgraw and indianjones — we did it. Not only did we successfully meet for drinks, but we also schemed the hostile takeover of this app from tyler tonight.
In all seriousness — weird that an app I downloaded in April would make genuinely want to drive back into Brooklyn during end of day traffic for a happy hour. Great app filled with great people.
Jul 20, 2024
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I think a life rule for me is to surround myself with people who know more / are smarter / are cooler than me and just absorb their aura by listening / observing them. It’s made me the incredibly smart / cool person you all know and love.
I just never thought I’d feel the same way about URL friends. I’m constantly listening to the songs I see posted here, reading the articles, subbing to newsletters, and googling topics that get tossed onto the feed.
It’s nice to know you can become a more rounded person by just absorbing what your mutuals post on here. I’m going to sit on my couch, have a cocktail and digest my lovely feed. Happy Sunday!
Sep 15, 2024