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My friend today asked me an amazing question. He said, āDo you think the avoidance thing is specific to our generation or LA specific? Like is someone in Arkansas thinking about anxiety?ā
Obviously yes someone in Arkansas is thinking of anxiety haha but it made me really think. Our generation is HORRIBLE (me included) at facing shit and taking accountability. Itās all masked underneath this ātherapy talkā shit.
Hear me out. Letās say you have a friend and youāre feeling conflict/tension with them. After a few weeks of them being mean, you confront them about it. Theyāre passive and not addressing their actions. We would INSTANTLY write them off as āAVOIDANTā versus āA friend whoās hurting me by being shitty even if they donāt intend to.ā
And yes, that friend is being āavoidantā. But, thatās a simple write off for behavior. Behavior has been so quickly written off to fit into this Therapy Talk.
Hereās another example: A girl who really likes someone is attaching to them quickly because sheās excited to get to know them and is having so much fun, sheās moving faster than usually and trying to rush commitment. Society would consider her āAnxiously attachedā versus āThis girl is really into this person and itās shifting her choices and actions.ā
I think what iām getting at is, it seems dismissive and avoidant to just simplify these big feelings and actions into these terms when in reality, yes the terms are true. But, we should probably be making space to really talk and express in full detail a persons actions including our own, and get to the bottom of it. The categories can be apart of the larger narrative, but they arent the full reasoning.
I hope this made sense lol
Nov 27, 2024
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I am able to see everything as multifaceted. I know there are more than two sides to the same coin, and I believe things shouldnāt be approached as they appear.
being able to recognize this has made me a more understanding person. Iām still a hater to my core, and I still make snap judgements about people cutting me off in traffic or being rude to me in the grocery store and the like, but as someone who works in customer service, it has helped me not take everything so personally. Someone snapping at me, or asking a lot of questions that may seem obvious isnāt necessarily a pock on their character. Someone may be having a bad day, or is really tired, or high, or just hasnāt been here and they are overwhelmed because everything is new and different. I am also able to avoid spiraling about my personal relationships because it really is not about me all the time. And even if/when it is about me, it most likely not malicious. A lot of people have anxieties they donāt recognize actively, but they still act on them. And that is okay. We are all people, we all fuck up, and we all keep living.
Mar 6, 2025
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It really cheeses me off when people think they know what others are thinking or what makes them tick or what their motivations are for something.
Recently heard someone say, "Oh the whole reason 'Brad' did good at [this thing] is because he got social validation from his success."
And I said, "Oh really, did Brad tell you that?"
And of course the answer was no, Brad never said that. It was just a great big assumption about Brad's motivesāand a negative assumption at that.
You contain multitudes. I contain multitudes. We contain multitudes.
We are right now the living, breathing, growing sum of a trillion different factors. It is far more interesting and fulfilling to be curious and ask and be surprised than to project our narrow, limited assumptions on others.
(apparently this is a bit of a theme for me today since I already posted about it in another form)
And if you find yourself mind reading and assuming and putting others in a box, then you know what, no worries! Me too sometimes. But let's not stay there.
Oct 19, 2024
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Recently a close friend (my ex-boyfriend) called me a misanthrope. I felt a little insulted, but I didnāt disagreeā¦ Scrooge is a misanthrope. That guy notoriously really sucks until he isnāt a misanthrope anymore. Then everyone decides heās better. Iām not sure I agree with this. Maybe Scrooge was right all along! Scroogeās real issue was the degree in which he was misanthropic (also his hoarding of wealth but thatās not what this is about). You canāt let it control your life. But a little bit of misanthropy never hurt anyone.Ā Am I really a misanthrope? Sure, yeah, I donāt really like people! Or at leastā¦ I donāt like most people. Or maybe what I mean is that I donāt like people because I have to or because I should. The sole reason I like a person isnāt just because they are talented or successful or beautiful or (ugh) popular. Sure, if someone I do like has those qualities then thatās great of courseā¦ But for a long time, I think I may have deluded myself that some of my friendships were deeper than my attraction to those qualities and how they benefited me and vice versa. Like an ouroboros of narcissism disguised as friendship and intimacy. For a long time, I was nervous to give in to what felt like my less personable traits, like being critical of people, or being reclusive, because I didnāt want to degrade my social capital, I didnāt want to be perceived as the bitch I was afraid I really was deep down inside. But the more I felt guilt over my feelings of dislike, the more I started to hate myself, the more I started to act in ways that I never would have, had I just been more conscious of the reasons behind my lifestyle in the first place. And I know that not everybody has experienced this, but I know Iām not the only one who has. The realization that I was living a life that was a rejection of my actual self in order to protect my place in āthe worldā was not an easy one to come to. Itās not like itās easy to admit to yourself that you arenāt immune to the shallowest impulses of human behavior and connection. Itās so much easier to continue pretending that you enjoy the presence of everyone around you, that you like all the things they do and make and say. Itās easy to accept someone as being interesting and smart because everyone says they are and because they are right there looking at you, talking to you. And so itās then very easy to assume that you are also smart and interesting, because they are, or at least everyone says they are. And if questioning someone's merit also questions yours? Well itās just easier to not. Itās easy because it feels good to be liked, it feels good to be liked by people who other people like. It feels good to receive admiration for simply ābeingā. But just because something is easy doesnāt mean itās right. And just because something feels good doesnāt mean itās good for you. And this is where a little touch of misanthropy comes in to save the day. And not like, hate for mankind! Just an acceptance of your own moral failings, and those of the people around you. Itās weird because as soon as I took myself out of the center of the dissatisfactions of my life, only then was I finally able to honestly relate to everyone. Itās likeā¦ We are all equal to each other in our inadequacies, but then different in what we do about it. So, once youāve come to the realization that you might suck and that the people around you might suck, and that both of these things lend themselves to making the entirety of your life suck, you can take action!
Oct 13, 2022
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anything and everything anytime whenever planned or not
Mar 9, 2025
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iām trying to learn french fast (itās not working hahah) so iām only watching french films and tv. please send me ur favs <333
Nov 24, 2024
This woman is 73 years old and her Youtube channel is my new favorite thing. She makes these short 7-10 minute videos about exisential courage and how to have a full life!! I am so inspired by her and her videos are a new support to my depression symptoms. Please take a look! š¤
Dec 29, 2024