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I went on a good date with a good guy tonight. He makes sense— he’s kind and normal and opens the doors for me and my family would love him. He got me sunflowers last week. There was a sense of peace about the whole thing… I didn’t feel my heart racing or manically tug at my dress to hide my stomach. It was easy, it was natural.
I’m 22 and I remember when I was 20 and I went on a date with a watchmaker in Paris. He was wild and I felt like I had known him forever. My heart was flying out of me, we drank wine on the Seine and he kissed me silly under the Eiffel Tower then we ran through the metro stations holding hands and listening to Heroes by David Bowie, one airpod each. I was so alive, I was a kid, I was love. The watchmaker ended up hurting me with a surprising indifference and we don’t talk anymore. The cruel joke of it all is that I will always compare every date I go on to that one. That perfect date where I was stupid and a child and beautiful and in love all of a sudden.
Now I’m 22, my frontal lobe is threatening to develop, and I’m anxiously looking over my shoulder at that wild, sparkly feeling, wondering if it’s worth peace to leave it in the past.
I’ve decided that I’m not going to leave it in the past, but maybe put it in my back pocket and try to give this new thing (peace and stability) a chance, having no idea what might happen with it. All I know is that I might realize I fucked it up and have to let go of this sweet guy’s hand at the wrong moment and fuck it up because the feeling in my back pocket is too precious and I must find it again. I like to believe that as long as I’ve been honest with him that I’m lost and can be a moron and never know what I want because I want everything at once, at least he won’t be blindsided. So I’ll put new, fresh water in the jar of sunflowers today, and remind myself that the watchmaker left me on opened a year ago.
2d ago
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i am a hopeless romantic and will take all the chances I get to keep up with relationships.
Summer 2023, i met someone in San Diego and was in contact with him for a very long time. I expected him to be a legitimate partner, maybe even have a long distance relationship, move out there and live this idyllic life in California.
Then, last June he stops messaging me. I sent him messages on and off to see how he was doing. He saw them, but never responded. Then he blocked me out of nowhere in October.
I kinda had a breakdown. I felt like I was unlovable, that he was my last chance to have a relationship with someone who had most of my wants in a future partner. I was willing to compromise so much for him, then he just went away, with no explanation.
Things got better, and I started talking to someone else who feels even more compatible with me. And I am loving this. i feel more calm with this person and i am allowed to be myself even more than I have with other men I have talked to.
Then last night, i randomly woke up to a message from the guy in San Diego.
He is a city away from me currently and I was perplexed, and angry. I told him how he hurt me, and then he wanted to talk to me about it. But i haven’t responded since.
I imagined with situations like this, at least in the movies there’s sometimes a spark of hope that shows up when the old flame returns. However, that didn’t happen last night. I was annoyed. And a bit disgusted.
Romance is a lot, but I am happy with my current situation and the love and attention I feel like I am getting, and deserve.
Jan 8, 2025
A few days ago, I unexpectedly ran into my ex-boyfriend, with whom I ended things two years ago. It was an unusual encounter, as we always seem to cross paths at significant moments, as if the universe is at play. The last time we crossed paths was on New Year’s Eve, just minutes before midnight, which left us feeling awkward. This time, it happened on his birthday, which felt almost deliberate, especially since I had just been thinking about whether or not I should send him a message. But when is the right time to leave people in the past?
There’s something uncanny about bumping into someone from your past – a topic that doesn’t get discussed often enough. We all have someone who once played a crucial role in our lives — a partner, a best friend — people who, for one reason or another, have drifted away. Yet, at the same time, these people continue to influence who we are today. They serve as a small reminder of what no longer fits, while the core of who they are remains the same. It often feels as if you last saw them only yesterday, even though life has continued to move forward. You give each other a brief update on your lives, occasionally exchanging smiles, with a hint of awkwardness lingering now and then.
After this unexpected encounter, I shared the experience with my current partner, who gave me a gentle hug of understanding, without finding the situation odd. It felt right to express how I felt about it — that it was both strange and familiar, that we had taken the time to catch up, but that there was nothing more to it than that fleeting moment. Knowing that the person I’m with now understands where I'm coming from gives me confidence that I’m in the right place, that I can feel safe enough to share my past as we focus on building our future together.
After all, love is love, even if some parts of it linger in the past. Realizing that time isn't always linear allows us to see how certain things continue to resonate in the present – memories that aren’t confined to the past but extend into the future, shaped by the choices we make and the people we choose to share our lives with. After a while, you feel a sense of peace, knowing that all the moments were valuable or instructive.
There is something both beautiful and confusing about encountering people from our past — a fleeting moment that seems to pass in the blink of an eye before it fades away. It’s the recognition of each other’s lives, of who we once were and who we still are, while finding happiness with someone new and genuinely celebrating each other’s growth.
As we hugged goodbye, I couldn’t help but reflect on how right he had been back then — that I would eventually find someone I truly deserved, someone better suited for me, and that he would too. It signifies that we have brought so much good into each other’s lives and are now able to move forward with who we’ve become.
Aug 26, 2024
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
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This is my first post and it may be kinda long, but it's good, I promise. Stick with me.
Today, I saw a video where a guy was talking about detachment and he said "The solution is never in the problem, so stop looking there." I struggle with anxiety and tend to obsess over the things in my life that I've lost. I often obsess and spiral over the way my life was before a bad breakup I went through that caused me to lose a bunch of friends and a job I loved. It was a huge loss all around, and even though it's been a year and a half, I still find myself fixating on the happiest moments from that life I was living and mourning the fact that I don't have that anymore and wondering why I had to lose it. That phrase from the video got me thinking... When you get stung by a bee, your brain and your body instinctively want to fix the pain immediately. Your hand subconsciously flies up to where the bee was and you swat the bee off of your arm and jump back. You decide to go inside, grab an ice pack, remove the stinger, and put some ointment on the sting. When I've been hurt emotionally, the same thing happens-- I am instinctively desperate to fix the pain. But here's where I go wrong: I hyperfixate on the thing that hurt me as if it holds the solution. I obsess over the last time I felt that happy and over those good memories as though the solution can be found in the problem. But it can't. It's like staying outside with your hand holding the bee-sting on your arm while it throbs, searching for the bee. Asking the bee why it stung you won't stop the sting from hurting. The only thing that will heal me is moving forward and lookingat the world around me for the joy and resources I need, because that's where the solution is found. It is not found in the past, with my ex, or with my old friends that no longer contact me.
Not sure if anyone will see this, but this seems like a good place for me to vent all of this.
3d ago