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i am a hopeless romantic and will take all the chances I get to keep up with relationships.
Summer 2023, i met someone in San Diego and was in contact with him for a very long time. I expected him to be a legitimate partner, maybe even have a long distance relationship, move out there and live this idyllic life in California.
Then, last June he stops messaging me. I sent him messages on and off to see how he was doing. He saw them, but never responded. Then he blocked me out of nowhere in October.
I kinda had a breakdown. I felt like I was unlovable, that he was my last chance to have a relationship with someone who had most of my wants in a future partner. I was willing to compromise so much for him, then he just went away, with no explanation.
Things got better, and I started talking to someone else who feels even more compatible with me. And I am loving this. i feel more calm with this person and i am allowed to be myself even more than I have with other men I have talked to.
Then last night, i randomly woke up to a message from the guy in San Diego.
He is a city away from me currently and I was perplexed, and angry. I told him how he hurt me, and then he wanted to talk to me about it. But i haven’t responded since.
I imagined with situations like this, at least in the movies there’s sometimes a spark of hope that shows up when the old flame returns. However, that didn’t happen last night. I was annoyed. And a bit disgusted.
Romance is a lot, but I am happy with my current situation and the love and attention I feel like I am getting, and deserve.
Jan 8, 2025
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“maybe we should take a step back…”
that’s better than “I want to end this”, but it’s still a bummer 😂
i think its times like this where i miss the traditional way of getting into a relationship. but i also feel like from my inexperience, and my biological clock, that i need to get going and married fast. i don’t want have kids at 37 like my mom and be close to not active with them.
still enjoying my time, but like, im almost 28 with only one legit relationship on my record…
Feb 10, 2025
A few days ago, I unexpectedly ran into my ex-boyfriend, with whom I ended things two years ago. It was an unusual encounter, as we always seem to cross paths at significant moments, as if the universe is at play. The last time we crossed paths was on New Year’s Eve, just minutes before midnight, which left us feeling awkward. This time, it happened on his birthday, which felt almost deliberate, especially since I had just been thinking about whether or not I should send him a message. But when is the right time to leave people in the past?
There’s something uncanny about bumping into someone from your past – a topic that doesn’t get discussed often enough. We all have someone who once played a crucial role in our lives — a partner, a best friend — people who, for one reason or another, have drifted away. Yet, at the same time, these people continue to influence who we are today. They serve as a small reminder of what no longer fits, while the core of who they are remains the same. It often feels as if you last saw them only yesterday, even though life has continued to move forward. You give each other a brief update on your lives, occasionally exchanging smiles, with a hint of awkwardness lingering now and then.
After this unexpected encounter, I shared the experience with my current partner, who gave me a gentle hug of understanding, without finding the situation odd. It felt right to express how I felt about it — that it was both strange and familiar, that we had taken the time to catch up, but that there was nothing more to it than that fleeting moment. Knowing that the person I’m with now understands where I'm coming from gives me confidence that I’m in the right place, that I can feel safe enough to share my past as we focus on building our future together.
After all, love is love, even if some parts of it linger in the past. Realizing that time isn't always linear allows us to see how certain things continue to resonate in the present – memories that aren’t confined to the past but extend into the future, shaped by the choices we make and the people we choose to share our lives with. After a while, you feel a sense of peace, knowing that all the moments were valuable or instructive.
There is something both beautiful and confusing about encountering people from our past — a fleeting moment that seems to pass in the blink of an eye before it fades away. It’s the recognition of each other’s lives, of who we once were and who we still are, while finding happiness with someone new and genuinely celebrating each other’s growth.
As we hugged goodbye, I couldn’t help but reflect on how right he had been back then — that I would eventually find someone I truly deserved, someone better suited for me, and that he would too. It signifies that we have brought so much good into each other’s lives and are now able to move forward with who we’ve become.
Aug 26, 2024
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i’ve spent most of my life searching for romantic love and thinking something was wrong with me because i never got it. i prayed even though i’m not religious, i had a box filled with manifestations of the “perfect” guy under my pillow, i tried to go after guys i knew were meh because i thought u could make the love blossom, i did honey jar spells, i changed the way i looked, the way i spoke, my interests, i did EVERYTHING. this all resulted in a slew of horrendous situationships that tore down my self-esteem. after these, i definitely worked on myself and became much more confident and sure of myself, but still thought that a relationship would be the thing to make me truly happy. at 20, i had my first real boyfriend and he was “perfect”, or at least everything i thought i had ever wanted. he was attractive, tried to pay for everything, planned the most thoughtful dates, went out of his way to see me, was incredibly intelligent, kind, loyal, hardworking, took care of me when i was sick, and even respected the fact that i’m entirely celibate (like what 20 y/o guy is ok w that??). i ended up breaking up with him after a few months because i realized that a relationship was not what i actually wanted or needed, it was just what i thought about 24/7. not saying this is you, but the steps i took after our breakup might help with your situation. diversify and expand your sources of happiness/love as no one source will make you feel truly fulfilled. i started by doing 4 things: something that expanded my mind, something that earned me money, something that fulfilled me creatively, and something that fed me spiritually. for me this was college classes, a job at a restaurant, painting, hanging out with the people that i love more often, and joining a bunch of clubs at my school. i think our society places so much emphasis on romantic love, but other types, especially the love i receive from my friends has been the most unconditional and satiating. lastly, (again not saying this is you, it’s just a common reality) expecting one person to satisfy all of your need for love is not only dangerous for you (if they leave, you’ll be crushed) but also unfair to them. maybe i‘m just yapping to yap, but i hope this was helpful.
Jan 1, 2025
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because to me if you can’t find room for both, then i just think you hate animals and that’s kinda a red flag
Mar 24, 2025