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the cruelty that is the adage “youth is wasted on the young” sticks with me all the time. to be forced to watch someone you love turn into a shell of a person and not even recognize you is just the most gut ripping brutal sensation i can imagine. the irony that when this old man would make jokes to my 7 year old self, i wouldn’t understand them because i was too young and he was being a classic old british dry humour guy, and now when i make jokes to him he doesn’t understand because his brain can’t make the connections. i wish i could have one day with him on a level playing field. to thank him for everything he’s done for me and tell him i love him and know that he understands it.
hold em close everybody
May 29, 2025
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they are facing aging alone in a world that is built for the young. they have stories to share and oftentimes no one to share them with. show them grace (remember the world has changed immensely since they were young), and have a cup of tea.
i read the my brilliant friend series 6 years ago and a few quotes hit me like a ton of bricks and have been living in the notes app since then:
"the world has changed tremendously and belongs more and more to them, less and less to me..."
"Now I was distressed that nothing of me would endure through time..."
"Unlike stories, real life, when it has passed, inclined towards obscurity, not clarity."
Feb 12, 2025
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For a good chunk of my 30 years on this Earth I’ve been helping to take care of older, sick relatives. First, my maternal grandfather who was bedridden for 4 years after a fall followed by a stroke. Then, my maternal grandmother slowly slipped into dementia until she passed on an August night a little over 2 years ago. Both lived full lives and passed peacefully. But the process of seeing them falter after knowing them as strong individuals is soul crushing.
I’m now taking care of my partner’s grandmother. While I’m not alone, this third time around of being a caretaker of a family member not directly my own confirms what I already knew: death is easier to confront than the process of dying. It’s ugly, reeks, and it is extremely hard to grapple with if you aren’t at peace with your own life.
Nevermind whatever happens at the funeral. Family members show their true colors in moments like this.
Apr 5, 2025
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it’s both beautiful and terrifying
May 18, 2025
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and assuming you all have crushes on me .
Jan 27, 2025
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this app is the final push towards geographical coalition
Jan 25, 2024