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they are facing aging alone in a world that is built for the young. they have stories to share and oftentimes no one to share them with. show them grace (remember the world has changed immensely since they were young), and have a cup of tea.
i read the my brilliant friend series 6 years ago and a few quotes hit me like a ton of bricks and have been living in the notes app since then:
"the world has changed tremendously and belongs more and more to them, less and less to me..."
"Now I was distressed that nothing of me would endure through time..."
"Unlike stories, real life, when it has passed, inclined towards obscurity, not clarity."
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And I mean from what happened at dinner last night to way back to the roads taken, the hearts broken and the debts paid and left outstanding by our billion partial creators.
The stories are just as good as anything you could find in a bookstore, but so much more fragile. Grandma's memories are alive in her grandchildren, uncle's sadness is now more understood by his nephews than himself, but time is gnawing all everywhere forever.
Just a simple written note can be enough to revive the history in the mind and thus, make it easier to pass down.
Of course, perhaps some stories are meant to be eroded; that's for each to decide.
Apr 25, 2024
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For a good chunk of my 30 years on this Earth I’ve been helping to take care of older, sick relatives. First, my maternal grandfather who was bedridden for 4 years after a fall followed by a stroke. Then, my maternal grandmother slowly slipped into dementia until she passed on an August night a little over 2 years ago. Both lived full lives and passed peacefully. But the process of seeing them falter after knowing them as strong individuals is soul crushing.
I’m now taking care of my partner’s grandmother. While I’m not alone, this third time around of being a caretaker of a family member not directly my own confirms what I already knew: death is easier to confront than the process of dying. It’s ugly, reeks, and it is extremely hard to grapple with if you aren’t at peace with your own life.
Nevermind whatever happens at the funeral. Family members show their true colors in moments like this.
3d ago
An old man comes into my line , hunched over and dragging his feet,
As he puts items on the conveyor belt i see his knuckles white, and taunt with letters spelling “R-I-T-A”
RITA reveals his youth to me, she paints à vision of the couple behind him
I can see him standing with à woman, who’s young with à soft voice that creeps under the music my job is playing.
She buys à single bag of candy smiling as her child pulls on her arm.
Her partner, doesn’t seem to match the town we’re in and when he puts cash on the counter his knuckles read “R-I-C-O” instead,
RICO’s face mixes into someone from home and I wonder if he’ll live the same life as the man in front of him or meet the same fate as the latter.
Will he be able to retire in à sleepy town like Rita’s lover?
Or will he die young, far away from the smiling girl trying to prove himself?
His mother would wake up in à cold sweat to 30 missed calls. She’ll think of him at 6, nervous for his first day of school and collapse on the floor at his funeral. His childhood friends would rush over even though they haven’t seen him outside of Facebook in 16 years
But they’ll remember the important things, like him learning to ride his bike and getting à tattoo to match his dad for his approval even though it didn’t work. His dad would look at the casket and shed his first tears in à decade realizing that perhaps he was too hard like his father before him
After the quiet of the funeral, his friend would go back home to his empty apartment and have à longing for home and feel the need to visit home to see his mother to reminisce.
She would be the woman coming into my line now. Smile lines reveal to me the years of joy he’s brought her and in her bag, 6 oranges symbolizing good luck. She tells me the good news of her son visiting and tells me while talking that hes far older than me
I smile and ask her to guess my age “17” she says proudly. I feel disappointed that she didnt guess correctly. Everyone says that I’ll miss these years of mistaken Identity. But in my youth I wish to skip it. At age 20 , I wish I had à life of tattoos and lines that express à life full of laughs
I’m aware that with this change that no one will see me as the girl that I am anymore but this refined thing. No one would see me as carefree and fun loving as à mother but irresponsible and immature. At the young age of 40 no one will see me as curious but nosy and stupid
By then I won't be insecure but desperate, by then I should be wise.
I wonder if the woman in front of me remembers her first boyfriend vividly or her mother cutting her deeply for the first time or does she just feel the grooves that have been carried in her
At 60 will she remember being at the edge of the windowsill at 14 and view it as an error of her youth? And when she saw the same signs of decline in her own daughter will she ignore it like her mother had done her and instead clasp her daughters hands in prayer and force her to her knees. Or would she view her daughter pulling away as necessary instead of à sign of abandonment and remember that in her youth she was her daughter and vice versa
Feb 13, 2025
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i have been on a journey to untangle my tasks from my iPhone.
i'd be out in the world someplace, pull out my phone for something as menial as checking the time, or as well intentioned as capturing the moment in a pic, and immediately get sucked into texts and instagram™️ and all the virtual things happening in this tiny lil demon light box.
the goal: pull my phone out of my bag ONLY for phone things. that's texting, calling, and apps that can't be replaced
the solutions so far:
🕰️ i started with a watch (shoutout Casio) and i wear it every day. once I broke the habit of checking my phone for the time, I felt legitimately freed from something Major
📷 I bought a small digital camera to leave in my bag. the pics look better and I don’t get distracted by the virtual world when I'm trying to capture something in the now
📚 I bought a kindle. It fits in my jacket pocket (literally) and gives me something to do when I'm on the train or waiting for an appointment that isn't scrolling
I just realized so much of the time I spent on my phone was not intentional. It was a thing I was doing in between Other intentional moments. my screen time is still several hours a day (don’t get me wrong) but I think my brain has healed at least 3%.
welcoming other ideas as well💡
Sep 24, 2024
i was born a night owl and so i know what you're thinking: you'd rather roll out of bed 10 mins before your first zoom call than sacrifice ur late night scrolling BUT hear me out
Things u can do before you sit down at your desk:
‼️Shower
‼️Meditate
‼️Put a lil Outfit on
‼️Take a walk and/or Buy a latte
‼️Do an errand
‼️Move ur Body
‼️Do your dishes
‼️Read a chapter of ur book
‼️Squeeze in 1hr of Saturday every week day morning
Things this decreases:
🦺Existential dread
🦺Job-related resentment
🦺Days and weeks melting away into nothing but Emails
🦺Feelings of Impending doom
Sep 19, 2024