May 18, 2025
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For a good chunk of my 30 years on this Earth I’ve been helping to take care of older, sick relatives. First, my maternal grandfather who was bedridden for 4 years after a fall followed by a stroke. Then, my maternal grandmother slowly slipped into dementia until she passed on an August night a little over 2 years ago. Both lived full lives and passed peacefully. But the process of seeing them falter after knowing them as strong individuals is soul crushing.
I’m now taking care of my partner’s grandmother. While I’m not alone, this third time around of being a caretaker of a family member not directly my own confirms what I already knew: death is easier to confront than the process of dying. It’s ugly, reeks, and it is extremely hard to grapple with if you aren’t at peace with your own life.
Nevermind whatever happens at the funeral. Family members show their true colors in moments like this.
Apr 5, 2025
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the cruelty that is the adage “youth is wasted on the young” sticks with me all the time. to be forced to watch someone you love turn into a shell of a person and not even recognize you is just the most gut ripping brutal sensation i can imagine. the irony that when this old man would make jokes to my 7 year old self, i wouldn’t understand them because i was too young and he was being a classic old british dry humour guy, and now when i make jokes to him he doesn’t understand because his brain can’t make the connections. i wish i could have one day with him on a level playing field. to thank him for everything he’s done for me and tell him i love him and know that he understands it.
hold em close everybody
May 29, 2025
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the concept of time can be comforting, but also scary at the same time. it’s a comfort, knowing that your wounds would slowly close itself up as time passes by. but it’s also scary, that when you think about it, we really are only insignificant beings, in the face of time.
it is both scary and comforting, when i realized how easy it is to move on from the past. people that you once thought couldn’t live without, suddenly become a supporting character in one of your chapters of life. the name that you swore would never forget, suddenly becomes “that one friend that i had back in high school.”
and what’s even scarier, is that, sometimes it is beyond our control. time just… took them away from us without our consent. names, places, memories. and most of the time, we wouldn’t even feel the loss and grief that should’ve come with losing them.
Jan 11, 2025
Top Recs from @jilly
we don’t make jewellery like we used to!! where did the whimsy go!! the uniqueness!! the daintiness!! the literal ethereal feeling that this watch brings!!!!
I CANNOT FIND IT ANYWHEREEEEEE
May 24, 2025
Feb 19, 2025
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i’m not elaborating
May 26, 2025