i'm about to enter my final year as a teenager in a few months but just overall i'd say all the decisions i've had to make
where i am i'm officially an adult cause our legal age is 18 but yeah being in my second year of uni trying to figure out where i wanna go with my life what direction i want to take and then trying to figure life out with my friends and doing the most just so i can see them it finally feels like we're all adulting and going our separate ways in life and it hasn't really set in yet cause
i just wanna be a kid and do nothing but sleep all day lol but it is what it is
we move on and embrace all these new things coming with being legal/an "adult"
Mar 18, 2025
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I’ve been scared of growing older & change for my entire life (i fear I have been dreading this since elementary school) and ever since I entered university I’ve lived in fear of having to become a real person in the unknown and scary world that comes after that outside the confines of a structured academic environment … (i blame growing up in a very academic-stressed environment where your entire life purpose was to get into a good university so like after that’s done what’s left?) it always felt like after university, life just ended which is an INSANE take because most people are literally 21-22 when they graduate. YOUR LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING!! you’re barely even a real person yet! you literally barely turned the right age to walk into a bar in the USA!! somehow, after 4 years of dreading this day, i think i finally got it out of my system and now that I graduate in less than a week, i have realized that it’s truly not that deep and there’s so much out there to learn and so many people to meet and so many ways i will change and grow. you are the one who defines how your life will go, and while thats a bit intimidating- it’s also comforting because you can quite literally choose your own adventure and so the things that make you happy and live according to your rules- you don’t have to follow someone else’s manual or some structured system! every stage of life has its own unique aspects and benefits, and I truly feel so privileged for having the opportunity to be alive and go through them all and learn- anyway reminder to anyone who also struggles with the fear of the unknown/change/growing up. I’m so excited for the next stage in my life yipppeeee!
May 12, 2025
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i honestly haven’t really put real hard thoughts to this but the other night at the porter robinson show, he had this transition where the screen asked questions such as “do you remember what your baby teeth felt like” and “when was the last time you hugged your mom,” and i stood there realizing i don’t really experience nostalgia in that sense, and i don’t really process the passing of time in that sense, but it did make me realize i‘m way, way older now
besides the obvious things such as noticing your parents getting older, i think this year i finally felt it for real. whether it‘s younger friends pointing out that i‘m 25 and their tone just sounded like they’re scared of that number (haha), or me catching up with my older friends and they are telling me about their plans and wishes about turning 30
it’s the act of having to be responsible for yourself, really really having to do that this time, and having to plan ahead despite i’ve always just lived life as it stands—and how much i’m struggling to do it. how frustrating it is to face the problems i’ve been running away from and still having no idea how to fix them, but just knowing that i’ll have to, that really feels like growing up
anyway this is too long✌🏼
Sep 13, 2024
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yesterday i went to work, after work i went to the gym, after the gym i filled my car with petrol, i then went home, made dinner, had a shower, and then tucked myself into bed.
all by myself. no parent to drive me around or make me dinner. no parent to financially support me. just me going to work so i can fund my life while also trying to fit in things that will make me a functional member of society.
no goodnight kiss on the forehead. just me alone, being an adult.
some days don’t feel real, and it’s the days when i realise i really have grown up and now have actual responsibilities.
where did the time go
Feb 18, 2025
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stop delaying it ! push on and just go for it !!
May 12, 2025
a mental health break taken with my friend
straight after this we unfortunately had to go back to uni and lock in but the break was nice while it lasted and the flowers were so so pretty
May 14, 2025
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i wear a face covering (the niqab) and whenever i'm inside with my girls and i can take it off i love making a big deal out of it and being like face reveal and my friends also jump on the bandwagon and act so shocked I LOVE IT
May 13, 2025