I wish I had a better rec than starting your own sober-first gathering. I'm going to be watching the recs that unfold here for ideas.
Your story is familiar. I quit drinking a year and a half ago. My existing community, many of whom drink, is fantastic and really supportive. I have no problem being around drinking or people who are drinking, and I often am. Not part of AA.
Things are good. But I sometimes pine for gatherings with people who have chosen, on purpose, to be alcohol-free
Sep 29, 2024
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I can definitely relate. Do you do in-person or zoom meetings? It sounds like you have a supportive community. Do you stay after meetings for fellowship? That might be a more direct way to make sober friends and get some numbers. If you meet people your age that way then you can ask people if they’d be up to getting a coffee or attending a concert with you. Most AA people are apt to say yes to those kinds of things. Some sober folks might be willing to go to a bar with you but it depends on their level of comfort in doing that or how much sober time they have. You’re right that you’re not likely to meet sober people at a bar. Ask people for their numbers to connect outside of meetings. You can ask what kind of activities they do to get some ideas. I do that too. It might be out of your comfort zone but it sounds like it might help.
Sep 29, 2024
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1. Visiting your local NA bottle shop. In Toronto, for example, they host themed nights, and everyone attending is sober.
2. Building connections through online communities.
3. Attending punk shows.
4. When I began my sobriety journey, I realized many people in my community and network were already sober. I started conversations with them and set up coffee dates and chats.
Oct 6, 2024
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I love hearing people talk about their lives and what they are figuring out. I live in the South now, and I already talk way too much in spirals even for the East Coast, so I have to drop a real anchor or else I may miss some important things that people slowly give away as they talk here.
In moving to a new place or having fewer friends I get really overwhelmed without noticing it when my head and all my thoughts are the only strings of questioning that go past pleasantries and small talk. This is the main danger I believe of going somewhere where you only really know yourself well, and most others are the upmost form of stranger. I never really need to unload my thoughts as much as I'd just like to hear about the inside life of someone else, thats company. Going to NA/AA meetings is one of the best ways to spend time listening to others, I also go to a Buddhist meditation group and Church where I can listen and sit next to people, and the best part is you can never be part of the pass/fail system of a relationship with these groups! A very literal "meeting," you show up, listen, and get to know someone for a moment, but you never have to answer anyone! You just be with people, and after you fold up the chairs and go on! I think that listening with nothing before or after is awesome.
Mar 7, 2025
Top Recs from @mattshawsome
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this is worthy of celebration: the lack of video—autoplay video, noisy inane video, panicky video, algorithmic, dumb video, rabbit hole video, any video—on pi.fyi is a good thing
Oct 5, 2024
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this is going to hurt — A LOT — but it's getting to the point where there's no other option
Mar 11, 2025