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My true passion is whatever fucked up combination of drugs and alcohol you consumed the last time you woke up and said “never again.” The Instagram account @regret_counter serves as an archive for your bad nights out, and though I am its humble bureaucrat, I am mostly just a fan of your fortitude, your bad choices, and your capacity for White Claw.
Feb 28, 2023
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🤡RIP to this absolute GOAT of a sobriety meme account. I think I stopped drinking around the time that sobriety memes were in their second wave - 12-step inside jokes that were ideally harrowing, embarrassing, and hopeful in their shared hopelessness - and while Brutal Recovery, Fucking Sober, and Dumbsoberbitch are great, no account could perform these lacerations with the expertise of a surgeon as @facebooksober. Like an elephant balancing itself on a dime, facebook sober managed to capture the divine paradox’s inherent to recovery with such aesthetic grace and poetry I was 100% convinced that the person behind the account was a hot girl (it was a dude, lol). Whatever. Hot Newcomers Are Forever.
Dec 21, 2021
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Bonus points if you send them to people with some message you thought was hilarious in the moment, but in all actuality it wasn’t you were just too drunk to read it properly.
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Ur hearting your ex’s instagram story, I’m reviewing a 2021 Plavac Mali we are not the same
Apr 26, 2025
Top Recs from @alissa-bennett
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💄You have to haul your face around for your entire life, and there’s just no getting around it. As someone who is lurching perilously toward what us old people refer to as “the wrong side of 40,” I am here from your future to tell you not to be afraid, because you can retain your hotness with a little planning! Ever since my very best stage mother and personal BFF Lena Dunham publicly called me out for my elaborate skin care regimen, I’ve been getting questions, so let’s start at the basics and move into the baroque… I don’t think expensive products really make a difference, but if you love them and they make you feel good, by all means waste the money you should be saving for treatments (more on that in a minute) on a 50 step routine—it’s your life! I prefer to streamline because I am old and tired, so while I have definitely tried all of those ritzy oil cleansers and I DO LIKE THEM, in general I think Cetaphil and a microfiber cloth is fine. I usually only wash my face at night and follow it up with some Retin A mixed with a nice heavy moisturizer or oil, and I seal the whole shit in with Aquaphor before going to sleep on a special pillow that doesn’t deform my face. The morning is when things get complicated, because I am a firm believer in all of those gadgets that dermatologists tell you don’t work: I like a red light mask followed by either microcurrent, a muscle stimulation device, or radio frequency, and I follow that up with a CE ferulic serum, hyaluronic acid, moisturizer, and sunscreen. Take your collagen and a vitamin D-K supplement every day, and stay the fuck out of the sun!
Feb 28, 2023
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🪦I love cemeteries, and living in New York gives us proximity to some of the east coast’s great jewels. Deliver your regards and a Coca Cola to spendthrift heiress Barbara Hutton at the Woolworth family’s sphinx-guarded mausoleum in Woodlawn Cemetery, have a picnic in Sleepy Hollow, or spend a day at The Hartsdale Pet Cemetery , America’s oldest and greatest eternal resting place for rich people’s animals. If you are of a mind to travel, do not miss the spookiest family plot in all of America, Stockbridge Massachusetts’ Sedgwick Pie (it’s also just a stone’s throw from Edith Wharton’s house), or skip over to Rhode Island (my ancestral homeland) and take a tour of our little state’s notorious smattering of vampire graveyards.
Feb 28, 2023
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💉If you’re a young lady and you want gigantic lips, I say go for it, but I also subscribe to the philosophy that you shouldn’t fuck around with your face until after 38 (at which point you should find a good dermatologist who is not afraid to tell you no). All the money you saved on products is going to come in handy here, because doing Morpheus8 or Ultherapy once a year is expensive, but it also keeps you from looking like a shoe that has been left out in the rain. If you still feel like shit, put on a headscarf and pair of sunglasses and everyone will be so dazzled by your mystery that they won’t even look at your skin. And don’t forget to stay the fuck out of the sun!
Feb 28, 2023