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I turned 25 a few weeks ago and with it has come a sense of urgency to do everything I want to accomplish immediately. I also miss who I used to be before I really had to get a grip of my life. By âget a gripâ I mean the years before my father was first diagnosed with cancer, before I cared (more) about societal expectations of being feminine and more about my interests, and I miss most of all the sense of having it all figured out. I was cringe and free! Then I turned 14 and my life took a hard left and stayed that way for the past 11 years. My dad died traumatically. I lost my faith and left the religion I grew up in. My mom and I had a falling out and we were mutually disowned by my dadâs family.
It wasnât all doom and gloom. I graduated with a bachelorâs degree, the first in my family.
During it all though, I feel like Iâve lost myself. My grief is overwhelmingly the main theme of my life. I know many people are familiar with the feeling.
Jul 19, 2025
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Iâm a senior in high school. Iâve always been scared of growing upâchange used to twist my stomach. I liked the routine: the same halls, the same faces, the predictability of it all.
but now? I want change more than anything. I want to take my exams, get into college, and finally breathe. high school has given me everything it couldâevery storyline played out. Iâve laughed, cried, gone through every clichĂ©. thereâs nothing left to squeeze out of this chapter
I remember being a junior, thinking Iâd be heartbroken to leave. but I outgrew that feeling faster than I expectedâŠ
I think rewatching Friends for the fourth time is helping. that show has this way of making me feel okay even when everythingâs uncertain. like, maybe itâs fine not to have it all figured out. maybe change isnât something to fear but something to lean into
I want to grow. I want to step into new adventures, new messes, new moments that donât feel like reruns. Iâm still scared, a little. but I want this now
change doesnât mean losing who I amâit means becoming more of who Iâm meant to be
but now? I want change more than anything. I want to take my exams, get into college, and finally breathe. high school has given me everything it couldâevery storyline played out. Iâve laughed, cried, gone through every clichĂ©. thereâs nothing left to squeeze out of this chapter
I remember being a junior, thinking Iâd be heartbroken to leave. but I outgrew that feeling faster than I expectedâŠ
I think rewatching Friends for the fourth time is helping. that show has this way of making me feel okay even when everythingâs uncertain. like, maybe itâs fine not to have it all figured out. maybe change isnât something to fear but something to lean into
I want to grow. I want to step into new adventures, new messes, new moments that donât feel like reruns. Iâm still scared, a little. but I want this now
change doesnât mean losing who I amâit means becoming more of who Iâm meant to be
May 6, 2025
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đSince the first time I watched Billy Wilder's 1959 film Some Like It Hot, Marilyn Monroe's first line, a breathy, black& white whisper, haunted me:
"I'm 25 years old, that's a quarter of a century. Really makes a girl think."
At twelve, I believed that by 25 I would look like Marilyn Monroe and also be on the cusp of getting married like her character, Sugar. At twelve, I believed 25 meant you were an adult, doing exciting adult things like having money to spend on wants (not just needs), and looking at buying a home, and working in a high power firm, and getting accolades for how incredible I was, and getting ready for the rest of my life.
But I turned 25 yesterday and none of that came true. What a scam.
A quarter of a century really does make a girl think. I don't want the life I imagined at twelve, but something is still missing from my life right now. I just moved to a new city, dyed my hair red and -here's the best part- applied for unemployment on my birthday!! Who knew that wifi-bills were so expensive and that I probably won't buy Cabot Cheese again untl I'm in my 30's (Seriously, I'm concerned why store-brand cheese is so much cheaper...are we even eating dairy?) I'm feeling untethered and foggy on what comes next, and if there's anything I do still want from my pre-teen fantasy life it's direction. Purpose. Sense of self. Confidence. To be getting ready for the rest of my life. Where do I find that now??
But all is not lost. After all there's 364 more days of being 25 and it feels- more than past birthdays- like this really is a fresh new chapter. A complete blank page. I just moved to a new big city! I just dyed my hair! I'm unemployed! Seems as good time as any to start a perfectly imperfect record. Stay tuned.
What about you? What did turning 25 mean to you? Anyone have a leash to help me pull myself back in?
"I'm 25 years old, that's a quarter of a century. Really makes a girl think."
At twelve, I believed that by 25 I would look like Marilyn Monroe and also be on the cusp of getting married like her character, Sugar. At twelve, I believed 25 meant you were an adult, doing exciting adult things like having money to spend on wants (not just needs), and looking at buying a home, and working in a high power firm, and getting accolades for how incredible I was, and getting ready for the rest of my life.
But I turned 25 yesterday and none of that came true. What a scam.
A quarter of a century really does make a girl think. I don't want the life I imagined at twelve, but something is still missing from my life right now. I just moved to a new city, dyed my hair red and -here's the best part- applied for unemployment on my birthday!! Who knew that wifi-bills were so expensive and that I probably won't buy Cabot Cheese again untl I'm in my 30's (Seriously, I'm concerned why store-brand cheese is so much cheaper...are we even eating dairy?) I'm feeling untethered and foggy on what comes next, and if there's anything I do still want from my pre-teen fantasy life it's direction. Purpose. Sense of self. Confidence. To be getting ready for the rest of my life. Where do I find that now??
But all is not lost. After all there's 364 more days of being 25 and it feels- more than past birthdays- like this really is a fresh new chapter. A complete blank page. I just moved to a new big city! I just dyed my hair! I'm unemployed! Seems as good time as any to start a perfectly imperfect record. Stay tuned.
What about you? What did turning 25 mean to you? Anyone have a leash to help me pull myself back in?
Jan 8, 2025
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đȘŠi am currently in the process of letting go of the person i grew into for the last 15 years of my life. i no longer am a ballet dancer. my brain and body are so hardwired into the severe repetition and rituals that are imbedded into ballet that iâm struggling to undo that. i also have a lot of complex trauma and anxiety associated with dancing and being in a studio that it eventually became harmful for me. ALL THAT TO SAY- I AM GRIEVING MY PAST SELF. AND IT IS OKAY TO DO THAT. I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON I WAS. I AM GROWING INTO SOMEONE WHO IS FREE AND SURE OF THEMSELF. I AM LIVING FOR ME!!!!!!!!
Jul 20, 2025
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