The simple answer is YES at times I feel like I have no friends at all. Then I go to my drama club and have nice conversations with the other members. Then occasionally Iāll get to talk to one of my online friends and help them with a project.
My thing is that these conversations donāt reach outside of specific circumstances. I donāt see my drama friends outside of rehearsal because they donāt invite me to their events. My online friends donāt really reach out to me unless they want something. It can feel like Iām only a part-time friend and can never get closer to anyone.
The way I cope with it is by remembering everyone is human too. These things are a two-way street and I know Iām not the best conversationalist and thatās okay. Time zones are wacky and people get busy and have lives that existed before I came into it.
Learning to appreciate time by myself does feel a bit bittersweet though. Iām hoping things become clearer for me as I get older.
Jun 29, 2025
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š²
I left all social media for something like five years and only posted on a small insular abandoned app during that time and that was the main way I communicated with people. After feeling repeatedly hurt and misunderstood and wondering why it was so hard to build earnest connections through this medium I decided to leave. I realized that constantly narrativizing my life with no filter gave me no space to process or examine and kept me trapped in deeply baked-in stories in my head.
Anyway Iāve maintained contact with a small handful of my closest friends and it has honestly been somewhat difficult keeping in touch to the same degree as I did before about everyoneās day to day lives.
I think the hardest part is being the odd one out so youāre missing out on the tidbits they share in this one centralized place for the purpose of economy and time and thatās something you kind of just have to accept. Thereās a certain level of meticulous detail that may be lost to you and I think interactions become more of a broad big-picture thing; not being so bogged down in the mundanity allows you to engage with more distance and perspective which can lead to greater depth and emotional honesty.
And then itās funny because the communication youāre engaging in becomes so direct that rather than everything being so uniform and kind of tossed out there, everything has to be very intentional and personal.
You have to choose to reach out, again and again; you also have to choose when to give people space. You have to be very conscious of the balance between giving and taking because everything isnāt just being offered all at once indirectly on both sidesāand this balance wonāt always be perfect and sometimes you might not handle it in the most perfect way.
I decided at the beginning of the year that intentionality would be my main theme and Iām still working on it. So I donāt really have the answers but engaging with friends off of social media shapes everything in new and interesting ways and those are some thoughts Iāve had as I begin to navigate thisā¦
Feb 24, 2025
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Iāve had sprinkles of acquaintances and light friendships with people over the years that I sometimes feel bad about losing touch with. But sometimes itās nearly impossible to keep in touch with everyone and still have time to care for yourself and your core people. Iāve tried to stop apologizing for that and just try to let people know I appreciate them from afar. I feel like the older I get the more intentional I have to be with my time and the more healthy boundaries I need to keep. It may disappoint some, but true friends get it, and there will always be an ebb and a flow as life changes. I also feel like social media has wired us to be so hyper-connected all the time and itās stressful to live up to the expectation of staying in constant communication with everyone youāve met and liked. Growing up is realizing you can like and enjoy the company of many people and you may not have the time or energy to extend to everyone you want. (And actually itās also okay not to want to!) Not everything and every connection can stay the same and I need to constantly remind myself of that. I deserve to make space and time for myself so I can love my people better.
Mar 4, 2025
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That being said, I am a big believer in long term friendships, but like all really good friendships, there's an element of luck. But even good friendships can fizzle out.
Be honest and reach out and people will either match your energy or they won't.
You just give it your best and know that you did what you could. Which from what you said it sounds like you do. If they are telling you they don't want to talk anymore, than that's unfortunately beyond your control.
You'll find your people and they will work with you to make the friendship last. You just have to keep meeting people and being open. Life is always moving.
I've lost a lot of friends in a whole range of painful and benign ways and it never gets any more fun but eventually other doors open. Sometimes it's lonely, but it's a feeling everyone goes through.
Jun 23, 2025
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Itās been so long since Iāve watched something with substance but unfortunately I never feel like watching movies so I go months between each one
4d ago
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Sometimes itās fun to hang out with friends and sometimes you spend two nights in a row as a non-drinker surrounded by inebriated people. It just wasnāt as fun for me as it was for everyone else and Iām so glad to be in my own bed sitting in complete silence.
10h ago
