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one day i'm a fairy princess, the next i'm a little boy from newsies, another i'm a douchey teenage skaterboy from the 2000s, then i'm bella swan. love being undefinable. happy pride my fellow gender non-conforming pals š«¶š»
Jun 4, 2025
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and I feel lucky about that; it made me who I am today!
But as an adult woman I can definitely relate and I imagine what it would be like to feel that sense of freedom from being perceived as a woman and the societal expectations that come with that. Sylvia Plath said it best in her journals:
āYes, my consuming desire is to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, barroom regularsāto be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recordingāall this is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always supposedly in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yes, God, I want to talk to everybody as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night...ā
I do think though that itās fruitless to fixate on these things, imagining the grass to be greener on the other side and essentially wishing you could have grown up and lived as another person, because 1 itās not possible 2 the life you imagine has so many downsides to it too that you canāt even imagine not having experienced itself and 3 if you were a different person then the You you are now wouldnāt exist, and that would be a shame! I also think men are having a tough time now and many of them are probably just as neurotic, inhibited, and fearful as women.
Obviously people are free to reject these notions and live life as whoever they want, and I respect and appreciate those who choose to do this, but Iām not interested in doing that for myself. Instead, I challenge the boundaries of what it means to be a woman in the ways that I can, which feels like the right choice for me!
Jun 28, 2024
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so epic i get to experience a range of human experience by feeling different genders day to day but also crushes your soul when you dont feel boy enough or girl enough or neutral enough. its so changing that nothing i do especially to my appearance is ever good enough to make me still feel good about it later when my gender feels completely different. but also i shouldnt complain on here, i came to this website to look on the bright side of life and find things to uplift me. so maybe ill come back and stop complaining when i find a way to please my near constant dysphoria. just felt like shouting into a void idk.
Feb 17, 2025
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Itās been so long since Iāve watched something with substance but unfortunately I never feel like watching movies so I go months between each one
5d ago
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Sometimes itās fun to hang out with friends and sometimes you spend two nights in a row as a non-drinker surrounded by inebriated people. It just wasnāt as fun for me as it was for everyone else and Iām so glad to be in my own bed sitting in complete silence.
11h ago
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The simple answer is YES at times I feel like I have no friends at all. Then I go to my drama club and have nice conversations with the other members. Then occasionally Iāll get to talk to one of my online friends and help them with a project.
My thing is that these conversations donāt reach outside of specific circumstances. I donāt see my drama friends outside of rehearsal because they donāt invite me to their events. My online friends donāt really reach out to me unless they want something. It can feel like Iām only a part-time friend and can never get closer to anyone.
The way I cope with it is by remembering everyone is human too. These things are a two-way street and I know Iām not the best conversationalist and thatās okay. Time zones are wacky and people get busy and have lives that existed before I came into it.
Learning to appreciate time by myself does feel a bit bittersweet though. Iām hoping things become clearer for me as I get older.
Jun 29, 2025