I was actually just thinking about this again earlier today. I love that itās like Iām carrying pieces of all the people Iāve loved throughout all the lifetimes it feels like we live in just one, simply by picking up all these pieces of others to make into our whole self. Even the things Iāve gathered from people I donāt talk to anymore feel so special because once they meant so much to me and the love from that version of me and them lives on.
I say āyouāre a peach,ā when someone does something helpful for me because a childhood friend of mine once said the same thing to me. Iāve always written things like 7s and Zs with the line through the middle because the student teacher my class had in 1st grade was also in college for science and wrote them like that, and Iāve done it ever since. I grow marigolds in my garden every year because of the neighbor I had growing up who would let me help her garden when I was a kid even when she was going through chemo, and now I love the smell. I love punk goes rock/pop because of my older brother; heās also the reason I learned to play guitar. The vanilla lotion that I wear because a friend who was probably the closest Iāll have in my lifetime wore it.
I also love the reverse. I know Iāve influenced my friendās jewelry. I know one friend started wearing purple mascara because I do. Iāve influenced several peopleās fragrances, or shoe/purse choices. I love to think that whenever they put on something or say something that they got from me that they think of me fondly.
5d ago
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I think in my experience on a more emotional/personal level, for every new person or new life experience I gain, it reminds me of my older sister who passed away a few years ago. Like, when someone laughs so wholeheartedly and the way their eyes squint slightly at the same time, or even to how someone would gush over their favorite celebrities, or their new obsessions on tiktok and IG, I see bits and pieces of her in them.
Some days are a bit bittersweet, but on other days it almost feels like a breath of fresh air. Like, even in the ways I reminisce on her and the memories we shared both good and bad, no matter the time and death between us, it feels like she's there sometimes saying "Hi" in her own way.
I like to think of it as a small balm that helps relive and heal the inevitable grief that follows the Hello's, good bye's, or even the simplest passing glances of someone/something(s) that reminds me of her.
Aug 14, 2024
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I love stuff and i love hanging onto things. I love that i have a stack of letters my friends and i wrote and passed back and forth in class at 13 years old. I love that i still have the fake menu my best friend and i made when we were 8 for our fake restaurant that only served bug-based dishes. I love that i have a drunk love note scrawled on toilet paper at 3 in the morning in 2012. seemingly meaningless things like this from my past help remind me that Iāve actually led a wonderfully full life despite often feeling like Iāve not done enough.
Jan 29, 2025
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as the moment, iām focusing my energy on reconnecting with the childhood i feel like i missed out on.
long story short, my dad had a near death experience when i was ten and my mom was deployed, so i was parentified really early. i felt like i had a responsibility to carry all these burdens with me and kinda just.. kept operating in that way.
in childhood, i was really into fashion, i was a big reader, i loved to engage in creative activities. so, iām doing just that.
i recently bought my favorite book from that time to reread, discovering it has a sequel. i play around with my personal style almost everyday, and iām back to embroidery and jewelry making.
May 6, 2024
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I know Iāve ranted about AI before but! Just saw another writer who was doing peer reviews as she was writing chapters with another person; until she found out the other person was using AI for their NOVEL! Blows my mind. She removed this person from her document and sent her a kind but straightforward message about how she wonāt be working with her going forward due to the AI usage. I feel like using it for novel writing is one of the most insane uses because #1 this person told me that the AI generated parts of the work werenāt even as good as the other personās normal writing was. #2 letās say no one noticed and you published with the AI work, so you would be okay if the book did well but it wasnāt even truly your writing that people would be praising?? Not to mention of course the morality and environmental impact.
Also, I was shopping around today for a custom leather stamp to start stamping the leather journal covers I make. Thought I found someone to make it until they said to send the logo file over and theyāll send back AI created renderings of a mockup to approve. Now I am starting the search all overš
Apr 28, 2025
Today was one of those bad days where it causes a headache and you feel exhausted from everything, but somehow a nice long walk outside made things seem a little better. Fresh air and thinking or daydreaming while listening to the sounds of outside.
I sometimes find myself taking for granted the place that I live, I work or Iām too tired and I use that as an excuse to not go outside more. Yet every time I get the chance to spend the time outside, I canāt say I ever regret it.
Iām going to make it a goal for myself to try and take a walk outside at least a few times a week.
May 25, 2025
May 1, 2025