as the moment, i’m focusing my energy on reconnecting with the childhood i feel like i missed out on. long story short, my dad had a near death experience when i was ten and my mom was deployed, so i was parentified really early. i felt like i had a responsibility to carry all these burdens with me and kinda just.. kept operating in that way. in childhood, i was really into fashion, i was a big reader, i loved to engage in creative activities. so, i’m doing just that. i recently bought my favorite book from that time to reread, discovering it has a sequel. i play around with my personal style almost everyday, and i‘m back to embroidery and jewelry making.
May 6, 2024

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Read Phantom Tollbooth or Secret Garden? make some salt dough! & laugh at fart jokes. Brilliant awareness on your draw to the wholeseomeness of childlike thangs despite the sorrowful root of why.
May 6, 2024
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halidgka SECRET GARDEN! you unlocked another memory thank you.
May 6, 2024
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this is beautiful. Growing up too early is rough and it's so hard to remember your own needs, much less passions. I love that you're re-engaging with them
May 6, 2024
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Shadowbeni thank you for the affirmation! i hope you can make your younger self smile today too.
May 6, 2024

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i think it’s important to spend more time learning about the you now. i can honor who i was when i was younger without relating to my immature ideals. i also don’t remember much about my childhood, but from what i do remember, i am pretty much exactly opposite in a lot of things. i would hate if my personality reflected some of the things i was taught growing up. i also changed my name a few years ago, which makes me view young me as an entirely different person. but i really really like who i am now, and i’ve been intentionally exploring lots of things to find out what i actually like, connect to, and what brings me life. don’t get stuck on the past (:
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one of the biggest things is letting yourself be bored. i feel lucky for all of us who missed being ipad kids and a little dread for the ones who didn't. so much of the life and personality and individual perception i have now came from the little games i used to play in my head and the way you think when you have nothing else to do i finally just started getting that back. for years i'd always pull my phone out, never go a minute without music or a podcast or some other media injected straight into my brain, and i think i forgot a little how to generate. how to output and create something of your own instead of constantly consuming. but now i walk slowly and see the little worlds in each flower, in each inch of water. everything is so beautiful if you make it so in your head. i feel like the child version of you is the truest and purest, and most of our lives are spent trying to get back to them, to undo all the layers of alienation and distraction we've placed upon ourselves.
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