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The birds are chirping outside. It’s so quiet in here. I’ve been sitting in silence for 20 minutes now. Right now isn’t a good time for us. The stillness is so peaceful. I’ll always be thinking about you.
May 19, 2025
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@GRAPE hii, no it was just a raw moment I was having that I decided to write down but thank you sm 😇
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🕊
The sweet resonant coo from nearby my bedroom window seems to have followed me from Brooklyn, NY to Long Beach, CA… Its persistent cadence, has become a point of fixation, a symbol of some continuity across landscapes. And while beautiful…its haunting refrain, unyielding and insistent, reflects the relentless march of time, a reminder that even amidst change, certain constants endure, anchoring me to the past as I navigate a very uncertain future…
Apr 27, 2024
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it’s great when I’m able to romanticize my daily life when things seem mundane. to be able to be grateful for what I have rather than focusing on what I don’t. that’s not to say that I think you shouldn’t question your situation and to be complicit, but sometimes for the time being you don’t have a choice. so it’s better to look on the bright side of things. I’ve heard the quote that the grass is greener where you water it and I believe that to be true to an extent. I’m also reminded of a poem that’s stuck with me for a while. it’s title is Aimless Love by Billy Collins and it goes like this:
This morning as I walked along the lake shore,
I fell in love with a wren
and later on in the day, a mouse
the cat had dropped under the dining room table.
In the shadows of an autumn evening,
I fell for a seamstress
still at her machine in the tailor’s window,
and later for a bowl of broth,
steam rising like smoke from a naval battle.
This is the best kind of love, I thought,
without recompense, without gifts,
or unkind words, without suspicion,
or silence on the telephone.
The love of the chestnut,
the jazz cap and one hand on the wheel.
No lust, no slam of the door—
the love of the miniature orange tree,
the clean white shirt, the hot evening shower,
the highway that cuts across Florida.
No waiting, no huffiness, or rancor—
just a twinge every now and then
for the wren who had built her nest on a low branch overhanging the water
and for the dead mouse,
still dressed in its light brown suit.
But my heart is always standing on its tripod,
ready for the next arrow.
After I carried the mouse by its tail to a pile of leaves in the woods,
I found myself standing at the bathroom sink gazing down affectionately at the soap,
so patient and soluble,
so at home in its pale green soap dish.
I could feel myself falling again as I felt its turning in my wet hands and caught the scent of the lavender and stone.
May 17, 2025
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Loneliness prevails! I would much rather live purely in solitude for ever and ever than waste another precious second in the presence of someone who has little skin in the game of knowing me or seeing me. Hearing me! I wonder why you keep me around if all your hearts desire is to hear the sound of your own voice.
It makes no difference if it’s me or anyone for that matter.
For all you know or even care I am merely an ottoman for you to rest your feet on, or a coffee table meant simply to pedestal your various notebook scrawlings and half-read books. I am a file cabinet. I have it here, dated, what you Thought and what you felt about work, or about your friends. ask me, I have it all.
And I loved it. I loved knowing you. I wanted to. I investigated and interrogated. I poured over it all with great curiosity, praying for all my red threads to weave a tapestry of you.
but I can’t remember the last time you asked me something about myself. When the opportunity arises, and god forbid, I Take it, you can barely hold your breath. Its like a shark sensing blood. You just can’t wait to talk talk talk talk talk.
But hey, it’s your life, and baby, I’m just living in it.
Dec 10, 2024
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Just saw a girl from my lecture get dropped off by her mom and it made me so emotional. She waited in the same spot till her daughter walked completely away and watched the entire time. Such a raw feeling it is to think about your parent tending to you like a kid even as an adult. It was so beautiful, shoutout moms
Oct 17, 2024
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That feeling when you reconnect with someone from your past and they come back funnier. honestly such a warm thing to appreciate.
Oct 18, 2024
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I know I’ve already shared that I witnessed the cutest moment in public but it’s happened again. Grabbed ice cream with friends after the beach where I saw this elderly couple enjoying ice cream cookie sandwiches together. They were playing with their cookies while laughing and smiling so much. They were having the best time ever and you could definitely tell they’ve enjoyed growing together. Witnessing that gave me a reality check to my fear of aging, and made me see how getting older can be such a beautiful thing that we take for granted, especially when you get to grow with someone you love. It was the most sweetest moment to end the perfect day.
Oct 20, 2024