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The birds are chirping outside. It’s so quiet in here. I’ve been sitting in silence for 20 minutes now. Right now isn’t a good time for us. The stillness is so peaceful. I’ll always be thinking about you. 
May 19, 2025

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May 19, 2025
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Was this supposed to be poetry? Either way I love how you wrote it
May 19, 2025
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@GRAPE hii, no it was just a raw moment I was having that I decided to write down but thank you sm 😇
May 19, 2025

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The sweet resonant coo from nearby my bedroom window seems to have followed me from Brooklyn, NY to Long Beach, CA… Its persistent cadence, has become a point of fixation, a symbol of some continuity across landscapes. And while beautiful…its haunting refrain, unyielding and insistent, reflects the relentless march of time, a reminder that even amidst change, certain constants endure, anchoring me to the past as I navigate a very uncertain future…
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it’s great when I’m able to romanticize my daily life when things seem mundane. to be able to be grateful for what I have rather than focusing on what I don’t. that’s not to say that I think you shouldn’t question your situation and to be complicit, but sometimes for the time being you don’t have a choice. so it’s better to look on the bright side of things. I’ve heard the quote that the grass is greener where you water it and I believe that to be true to an extent. I’m also reminded of a poem that’s stuck with me for a while. it’s title is Aimless Love by Billy Collins and it goes like this:
This morning as I walked along the lake shore, I fell in love with a wren and later on in the day, a mouse the cat had dropped under the dining room table.
In the shadows of an autumn evening, I fell for a seamstress still at her machine in the tailor’s window, and later for a bowl of broth, steam rising like smoke from a naval battle.
This is the best kind of love, I thought, without recompense, without gifts, or unkind words, without suspicion, or silence on the telephone.
The love of the chestnut, the jazz cap and one hand on the wheel.
No lust, no slam of the door— the love of the miniature orange tree, the clean white shirt, the hot evening shower, the highway that cuts across Florida.
No waiting, no huffiness, or rancor— just a twinge every now and then
for the wren who had built her nest on a low branch overhanging the water and for the dead mouse, still dressed in its light brown suit.
But my heart is always standing on its tripod, ready for the next arrow.
After I carried the mouse by its tail to a pile of leaves in the woods, I found myself standing at the bathroom sink gazing down affectionately at the soap, so patient and soluble, so at home in its pale green soap dish. I could feel myself falling again as I felt its turning in my wet hands and caught the scent of the lavender and stone.
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i’ve often wondered what it would be like to be one of the people with no internal monologue. you’d think it’d get lonely, but i suppose you can’t mourn something you never had.  she hikes through the brush a tree falls in the woods yet she does not hear it  id like to roll one up with jiminy cricket and pick his bug brain, do you think he’d forgive me for the spider i killed last week? what color are the dots you see on the back of your eyelids? there’s a voice that narrates in my head, that i converse with back and forth to pass the time, that i get lost with for hours, that tells me to play miles davis and eat fruit and sit outside. it is me but it isn’t me. i can’t explain their sound, its lost by the limitations of language.  the landscape of the mind is something that will never be able to be fully communicated between one another. it’s uniquely designed, coded into only your neurons.  how bittersweet, to know that no one will ever be able to fully grasp the world you’ve created in the space between your eyes. 
Jun 25, 2025

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