I definitely feel like this sometimes but most nights I do loveeeee being alone (in front of the TV). To answer your question, I’ve found that socialization ebbs and flows. The most regularly I was seeing all my friends is when we had standing weeknight meetups like trivia on Tuesdays, watching a show together on Wednesdays, etc. My personal sweet-spot for “spontaneous” plans is 2-4 days in advance. I’d text something like “Having a hard week! Let’s do something fun this weekend” then you can gauge from there :) Trivia is a really good one though it brings people out of the woodwork.
May 15, 2025
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I like having scheduled plans, so I always try to plan hangouts. There are some friends that flake, which bothers me; I understand that things come up, but if flaking is a regular thing, then I feel unimportant and that you're not making an effort. If a friend flakes, I expect them to put in effort in rescheduling a hangout.
I also attend community events for things I enjoy (yoga, reading, dance, etc.). Maybe friends come; maybe I go solo and meet new people. Either way, there's a social interaction.
Bc I WFH too, I've been trying to reach out to other WFH friends to see if we could WFH together. And/or WFH at a cafe (consistency probably helps - i.e. going to the same cafe rather than always changing it up) to meet other WFH peeps.
I'm still trying to find my community.
May 15, 2025
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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sunday is a rotating movie night, someone else hosts and picks a movie each time. saturdays are for meeting up for a brunch/lunch and watching the new drag race. wednesdays are for trivia, if everyone can make it out. mondays are poetry club.
capitalize on shared interests and make standing plans
Mar 19, 2024
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1d ago
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i need to be reassured of this every 5 minutes so maybe you need to hear it too
Apr 17, 2025
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literally so exciting we can do anything we want
Apr 18, 2025