Thatās a book you could read. Itās a way of thinking about grief differently than it usually is portrayed in popular culture. In pop culture we āre usually shown grief as stages to proceed through, and a journey that ends with someone better off after losing someone (having gained insight or a romantic partner, etc).
A thing that stuck with me was the author telling someone whose loved one died two years previously that the person had just died. Two years is a blink. And the point of grief isnāt to get over it at some point.
Anyway thatās not a great paraphrasing!
May 11, 2025
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man i thought this would be obvious but recently my best friend lost her mother. i was trying to think of other instances before hand when I had to be there for someone & couldnāt pin point something that felt ā¦. I donāt know, something other than āim sorryā , something that felt really sufficient.
while I understand that physically just being there for someone is helpful, when I was reading about this I didnt realize there are things that arenāt helpful & things that are more helpful to say to someone, with some not being super obvious
For example, Asking āwhat do you need from meā didnt make the cut as being helpful. I couldnāt pin point if I used this phrase before previously, but this one might not have been as obvious.
Reading about it was super helpful honestly. Could apply to any situation, not just limited to death. If someone you know is grieving, think about your response! Iām excited to take what I learned into future similar situations & happy to learn how to support my loved ones through difficult times
Sep 19, 2024
šÆ
This is a little long winded and personal. Please forgive me.
It's been exactly one year since my great aunt passed away - she was a pillar of the family, a very intelligent and witty woman whom we all loved. She used to cut out stories from the newspaper/ magazines and mail them to me while I lived away, and she had the most incredible handwriting Iāve ever seen. She was, to use one of her favorite things to call me, a āreal mensch.ā
Less than 48 hours after that, I got broken up with. We had been dating for almost two years. It was the healthiest relationship I had ever been in. Yet, we were laying in my teenage bedroom at my parents house, and she was crying. All I remember is thinking to myself āFIGHT for her you DUMB MOTHERFUCKER, you CANāT lose another womanā - but I didnāt. I was scared. And just like that, the best year of my life came crashing down in spectacular fashion.
Two extremely hard hits at once.
I had to keep moving forward. I didnāt see any alternative. And as a result, I sank into what I can only describe as my own death spiral. Lots of cigs, lots of booze, lots of work, all to drown out the voices in my head telling me āmaybe this isnāt a good idea.ā
I didnāt allow myself to MOURN then. To feel sad, to feel loss, and to work it out constructively and communally. Now, a year later, Iām finally allowing myself to feel those emotions about both of those things. Finally crawling out of that death spiral. Mourning isnāt weakness, nor is grief.
Justā¦if you havenāt properly mourned something, anything, I recommend allowing yourself to. Keeping something like that inside, no matter how compartmentalized it may be, is a bad idea.
Mar 8, 2025
ā±ļø
this is something i feel really strongly about to improve all of our lives and grieving processes. especially for Americans, itās an enduring taboo that talking about death is too dark, too bummer, too disturbed. i think this renders all of us without a roadmap or community when, inevitably, someone dear to us dies.
practicing talking about it, building a distress tolerance to it, learning about other peopleās experiences with death, are all some of the things that have helped me the most since my brotherās death. it truly is the most universal great mystery and i think weād all be better for it to walk through it together.
ā¤ļø
Feb 14, 2025
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Give people like jilly a break!
I actually practice what I preach on this one š
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