Rec
🕊️
Today would have been my dad’s 76th birthday. He died 5 years ago. We let him go, then the world shut down. It’s taken 5 years for me to even be able to reflect on that time and not feel sick.
I grieved my father years before his actual death. It still hit me in ways I never could have expected. I connected more with him as he was dying than I did most of my life. I talk to his spirit more now than I ever did when he was alive. I’m still untangling from the things he did, but that’s the task of all children. I can only hope all the work I’ve done and continue to do ends the generation trauma with me, and my children are spared.
I’m fine with the peace I’ve found in his death. The grief I feel is not adjusting to life without him, but rather I didn’t get more of his goodness when he was alive. His own trauma and horrible choices made that impossible. So, I now get that goodness through his memory- listening to the music he loved, wearing his shirts I inherited, telling my kids he’s a guardian angel for him. I can only hope his spirit has found peace too.

Comments (15)

Make an account to reply.
image
aw man this made me well up 💔 sending lots of love take care of urself
6d ago
1
image
so much love to you 🩷
6d ago
1
image
Kindred spirit - mine isn’t dead yet but functionally so due to a decade of no-contact. When he was able to be truly himself without the barriers of trauma, we connected deeply. I sympathize with your situation. Let’s end the cycle here ❤️❤️
6d ago
1
image
@ROADKILL_CHERUB 👯🤺🤺💗💗
6d ago
1
image
We don’t get to choose whether we grieve, but we can choose whether to acknowledge it and open our hearts to it. Proud of you for working with your grief, even when it’s hard. I hope it is fertile soil for you, dear friend. ❤️
6d ago
1
image
@MIDWESTZEN thank you sweet friend 💗
6d ago
1
image
Thank you for this post, really appreciate your open-hearted sharing. Inspired to go out today soak in all the goodness and love I can in every loving relationship before me.
6d ago
3
image
@MATTSHAWSOME I won’t delete this one 😉
6d ago
2
image
Sending much love 🩵🩵
6d ago
1
image
sending love ♥️
6d ago
1
image
❤️❤️❤️
6d ago
1
image
sending you so much love 🩷
6d ago
1
image
❤️
6d ago
1
image
hey angel, * you * are his goodness, too. i love you. thinking about you today <3
6d ago
6
image
@CHRONICWEBUSER 🥹💗
6d ago
1

Related Recs

Rec
🕯
This is a little long winded and personal. Please forgive me.
It's been exactly one year since my great aunt passed away - she was a pillar of the family, a very intelligent and witty woman whom we all loved. She used to cut out stories from the newspaper/ magazines and mail them to me while I lived away, and she had the most incredible handwriting I’ve ever seen. She was, to use one of her favorite things to call me, a “real mensch.”
Less than 48 hours after that, I got broken up with. We had been dating for almost two years. It was the healthiest relationship I had ever been in. Yet, we were laying in my teenage bedroom at my parents house, and she was crying. All I remember is thinking to myself “FIGHT for her you DUMB MOTHERFUCKER, you CAN’T lose another woman” - but I didn’t. I was scared. And just like that, the best year of my life came crashing down in spectacular fashion.
Two extremely hard hits at once.
I had to keep moving forward. I didn’t see any alternative. And as a result, I sank into what I can only describe as my own death spiral. Lots of cigs, lots of booze, lots of work, all to drown out the voices in my head telling me “maybe this isn’t a good idea.”
I didn’t allow myself to MOURN then. To feel sad, to feel loss, and to work it out constructively and communally. Now, a year later, I’m finally allowing myself to feel those emotions about both of those things. Finally crawling out of that death spiral. Mourning isn’t weakness, nor is grief.
Just…if you haven’t properly mourned something, anything, I recommend allowing yourself to. Keeping something like that inside, no matter how compartmentalized it may be, is a bad idea.
Mar 8, 2025
Rec
🎈
today is my brother’s 33rd birthday. he passed away in september. i know this seems like a strange thing to recommend, but for me, today has felt good. i think about him every single day but i’ve felt especially connected with him today; i keep seeing pieces of him everywhere (moreso than i usually do). i think grief is long and hard but also beautiful, as it’s a reminder you loved so deeply it cannot be stopped even by the immovable force that is death. i miss him a lot, but i’m continually comforted by the fact that a day will not go by that we don’t talk about him. he will always be alive
everyone here loves him, especially me.
Jun 4, 2025
Rec
recommendation image
🖤
It's been a week since my brother Jacob passed. He was the last person I expected to go—an extremely active cyclist, hiker, and traveler. We still don't know what exactly happened, but in a matter of only half an hour he went from making his breakfast to his heart stoping.
So many of his traits I admired so much felt like things I lacked; he was disciplined, reliable, and energetic. He traveled the world and made friends across the whole globe, it seems. He was always adept at math, a subject I always struggled with.
He was only 18 months my junior. I literally can't remember my life without Jacob in it. At some points in our childhood he felt like my shadow. Since we were homeschooled during the early years of my life we spent so much time together. I took that for granted, but now I'm so grateful for all the hours of fort building, hole digging, camping, biking, basketball, getting destroyed by him playing NBA Live and womping on him in Mortal Kombat.
I really regret simply assuming he knew how much I loved him. We were brothers. We fought, argued, and teased each-other. He was such an appendage to my day-to-day that I didn't ever stop to tell him how dear he was to me, how proud I was of all he'd done, how grateful I was for all he contributed around the house and with the family, and how jealous I was of his fearlessness with change and travel.
People ask how I'm holding up, and it's hard to answer because—all things considered— I am doing alright. The hardest times are when my brain and nervous system still haven't realized he's gone: hearing the creak of a door and expecting him to walk in after a bike ride—his cycling shoes clinking on the tile; learning some soccer news and wanting to text him about it; feeling eager to get his feedback on something I cooked.
But the most difficult thing has been encountering the pity and sorrow people have shown toward me, because that somehow reveals the scope of the loss and the depth to which folks cared about him and care about me. Knowing we share some impacts of this loss breaks my heart. I so deeply appreciate all the offers of help and reaching out, and yet I have nothing to offer. I have nothing for which to ask. My brain just short-circuits.
Perhaps the best thing you can do for me is to let your loved ones know how you feel. Find one person you have maybe taken for granted and share your love clearly so that they truly know how much you treasure them because they won't always be around.

Top Recs from @mossyelfie

Rec
recommendation image
🪷
May 31, 2025
Rec
recommendation image
🤸
In Tarot, The Fool is the first card in the Major Arcana, which represents the life cycle. These cycles we are continuously going through in our lives, not just once. The final card of the Major Arcana is The World (which I have tattooed very large on my thigh), which signifies the completion of a cycle and natural ascension into the next. We are then thrust back into the Fool, with a bit more wisdom. The Fool as an archetype is one of joy, curiosity, spontaneity, and trust.  The Fool is pure of heart, knowing that the Universe has got their back.  This innate trust allows The Fool to be playful, to take risks, and truly believe everything will work out.  The more we go through life and experience loss, grief, heartache, trauma, the harder it becomes to embrace this energy.  I’ve found that as healing goes on, just as it’s shown in tarot, we return to this natural state of being. We start off as The Fool when we are wee little babies, and if we are lucky can return there a few cycles at a time, with more wisdom gained each time.   The goal of The Fool is to have positive experiences, maybe for fun, maybe to grow. There is an acceptance with The Fool, a kind of “this is what is, how can I make this work well for me?” Everything works out for The Fool because they don’t know it can’t. Anything we go through in life, we can use to grow.  I personally believe we all could benefit embracing the archetypal energy of The Fool a bit more.  The Fool doesn’t stop to worry what other people will think!  The Fool does not fret about what if’s!  The Fool is in the moment!
Jun 1, 2025
Rec
💃
Humans have always danced. It is part of who we are, yet we have been conditioned to be self conscious, to think that we do not move our bodies good enough. Dancing is beyond judgement. Dancing is not a skill, it is our soul moving through our bodies, expressed in movement. Dancing is healing. Dancing is bodily autonomy. Dancing is FUN! Any feeling you are feeling can be moved through with dance yet even alone, you fear looking foolish. Kill the judge in your mind, shut the fuck up, and MOVE 🌊
Apr 24, 2025