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man i thought this would be obvious but recently my best friend lost her mother. i was trying to think of other instances before hand when I had to be there for someone & couldnāt pin point something that felt ā¦. I donāt know, something other than āim sorryā , something that felt really sufficient.
while I understand that physically just being there for someone is helpful, when I was reading about this I didnt realize there are things that arenāt helpful & things that are more helpful to say to someone, with some not being super obvious
For example, Asking āwhat do you need from meā didnt make the cut as being helpful. I couldnāt pin point if I used this phrase before previously, but this one might not have been as obvious.
Reading about it was super helpful honestly. Could apply to any situation, not just limited to death. If someone you know is grieving, think about your response! Iām excited to take what I learned into future similar situations & happy to learn how to support my loved ones through difficult times
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My heart goes out to you and your family, this kind of this is never easy and is generally pretty fucking terrible all around. I lost my mom in 2018 after a pretty prolonged and slow to cease battle with cancer.
When she was in end-of-life care something small that helped her feel a bit better was trying to make the space as homey as possible. Lots of pictures, her favorite blanket, and a friend of hers even brought some large stuffed animals that lived on her bed. It was something small that helped in the immediate moment.
I also echo everyone here saying to prepare for the grief but also prepare to sit with it for longer than you think youāll need. I was only home for about a week after she passed before going back to school across the country, and not having my family/hometown network to grieve with really stunted and prolonged my healing process.
Also a bit bleak, but my mom and I were able to have a sort of āclosingā convo where we said goodbyes, and she told me her wishes for me, etc. if youāre able, it was a really powerful conversation to have and something I hold close when Iām having a particularly hard grief day (which still happen 6 years out! All part of the process)š
May 24, 2024
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this is something i feel really strongly about to improve all of our lives and grieving processes. especially for Americans, itās an enduring taboo that talking about death is too dark, too bummer, too disturbed. i think this renders all of us without a roadmap or community when, inevitably, someone dear to us dies.
practicing talking about it, building a distress tolerance to it, learning about other peopleās experiences with death, are all some of the things that have helped me the most since my brotherās death. it truly is the most universal great mystery and i think weād all be better for it to walk through it together.
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Feb 14, 2025
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Thatās a book you could read. Itās a way of thinking about grief differently than it usually is portrayed in popular culture. In pop culture weāre usually shown grief as stages to proceed through, and a journey that ends with someone better off after losing someone (having gained insight or a romantic partner, etc).
A thing that stuck with me was the author telling someone whose loved one died two years previously that the person had just died. Two years is a blink. And the point of grief isnāt to get over it at some point.
Anyway thatās not a great paraphrasing!
May 11, 2025
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As an Only child thatās struggled with social anxiety since forever, i have always enjoyed going to shows & functions & restaurants & doing whatever by myself. Im used to it & itās natural & comfortable. Iām consistently reminded how ironically this behavior has both filled my life with such amazing people & has helped practice how I show up in social settings & lessen anxiety. feeling grateful this sunday
Nov 10, 2024
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honestly recommend so hard. at least for women, I know a lot of clothes I buy are almost just right. something small is off, something doesnāt fit right in 1 area of my pants or shirt
in the chicago neighborhoods ive lived & visited thereās often a local tailor & itās not expensive and makes such a huge difference!
Oct 8, 2024
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The homies and I spent a Saturday this weekend simply sitting on our computers together . God is real
Mar 3, 2025