This morning I started to recognise the familiar symptoms of an anxiety attack, that usually leads me to be completely unable to function.
I have my resources and I can handle them (anxiety/panic attacks), even if they cause me an immense amount of pain, both physically and emotionally.
But thereâs one thing I was never ever able to do, that people often told me would help: put on comfortable clothes and take a walk, go outside and breathe, get the fuck out of your room. I thought I would never been able to do that, never. âI am not strong enough, it may be good for others, but me? Iâm weak, I cannot function, something bad might happen, my body is not my ally in these casesâ. I guess I was wrong, and Iâm so happy to admit I was wrong.
I said to myself, when those symptoms arised this morning: âok, breathe, itâs just the same familiar stuff you know very well. Now, you can deal with it, even if youâre scared. But this time, why donât you try something different? For just one time, allow yourself to react by moving your body, try to show your mind that there are other ways to deal with thisâ. I was scared as fuck, but I did it.
And I discovered another part of myself that I thought wasnât there. My body, this time, wasnât against meâŠand maybe it never was, the poor thing was just trying to adapt to the comfort zone that stillness represented.
I am incredibly strong, so much more than what I thought. And if someone needs to hear this: YOU ARE TOO.