I realized a few years ago that my desire and attempts to look a certain way were failing. It wasnāt realistic, and it was making me feel inauthentic, empty, and unhappy. Cameras capture every thing, so itās easy to dwell on imperfections. But thatās not how people experience you. Itās not how others think about you or see you. Imagine how critical you are of yourself and imagine someone else being that critical of another person. Youād think thereās something wrong with them! Who focuses on a personās looks that much! Get a life you misery!
Thatās how we treat ourselves. Thereās an epidemic happening where everyone wants and is going out and getting the same face. The same body. Itās so boring. Your āflawsāāas society has taught you to think about themāare not flaws. They make you unique. Memorable. They make you beautiful. To love yourself is active resistance in an economy fueled by obsession over flaws and unhappiness.
One of the actors in White Lotus, Aimee Lou Woods has some objectively flawed teeth. But thatās what makes her so unique, so special. So cute! They make her attractive because sheās unapologetic about them.
Embracing my big goofy smile and big ears and crinkled crows feet makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. That feeling is so powerful. It spreads to other parts of your life and attracts people to you. Itās how you carry yourself, how you move in the world, engage with other peopleā not how you look.
Mar 29, 2025
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I love thinking about it in the way that these are the details my parents gave me. my hair might frizz, my nose might jut out but itās part of a lineage and history !
šÆ. I can think of so many actors who didnāt look a certain way (Gene Hackman anyone?) whose āhow they carried themselvesā literally lasted an entire career.
@COREYDUBROWA yes! philip Seymour Hoffman. Kinda unremarkable but my god what a presence
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Iāve been known to gas myself up. Iāll walk into a room and announce that I love my outfit for the day. Iāll show someone a spreadsheet that I made and say that Iām in awe of my brain for having such a good idea and bringing it to fruition. And I can assure you that Iām laughing at every single one of my jokes.
Itās obvious how loving yourself and having confidence improves how you feel overall. We know this, we understand this. What I want to talk about is the lesser known impacts of believing in yourself, which is how the rest of the world interacts with you when you carry yourself with unshakable confidence.
On the surface, how do other people react when Iām giving myself a gold star? They giggle, sometimes they may roll their eyes.
On a deeper level, when you truly walk through the world knowing that you are that bitch, it creates an inexplicable magnetism. People notice you in a different way. Take a compliment on an outfit, for example. I wear cute clothes, but so do a lot of people. When someone compliments my outfit, what they are often actually drawn to is that they can tell that EYE feel amazing wearing my outfit.
I love job interviews. People find this shocking and confusing, but theyāre going about interviews all wrong. Iām not trying to sell myself, sound like I know what Iām talking about, convince someone to hire me, none of this nonsense. Iām excited to talk about my previous work and skills that Iām so proud of and how amazing I am. I donāt have to tell them how valuable I am, how lucky they would be to have me- the way I believe in myself conveys it.
As mother (RuPaul) says, āif you donāt love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?ā We always talk about treating other people in the way that you want to be treated, but that starts with you. Are you nice to yourself? Do you love yourself? Are you the only girl in the world? If you canāt show up for yourself in these ways, itās going to limit your capacity to show up for others.
We donāt have to pretend like this is possible every moment of every day. Most days, it feels like everything in our environment is trying to tear us down constantly (especially women!) and sometimes its all too much. Sometimes you just wake up and itās just not your day. These things happens. Good news- you can try again tomorrow.
Worried about being labeled as delusional? Youāre not- you are the baddest bitch in the room. Labeled as extra? Good. Take up as much space as you see fit. Vain? Thatās fine. Some people canāt see whatās beyond the surface; the 700th selfie I put on IG has much less to do with liking my face and much more to do with feeling beautiful in my soul.
Itās hard to put into words. But when you believe in yourself, people notice. They wonāt be able to put their finger on it, thereās just something about you that stands out. It comes through in our body language, our micro-behaviors, and the wavelengths and vibrations we canāt see and feel.
Try it out. Lie to yourself until you believe it.
Then, watch the world start to fall at your feet.
Aug 27, 2024
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been thinking a lot about self-awareness lately and what makes me āme.ā Iām always trying to figure out how to transform my inner critic to real personal growth without shame.
being honest and not editing myself to any given room was one of the first things I began to tackle in therapy. existing among other humans is an ongoing give and take, and Being Who You Are without apology while treating others with respect is really all you need to do in this life. learning how to be kind and true, and finding the good amongst so much bad and then sharing it with others makes the world go āround
Apr 16, 2024
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do it for the bit!
worst case scenario? they donāt like you (thats ok!). maybe you didnt gain anything but you certainly havent lost anything either... actually id still argue that you *have* gained something by allowing yourself the self compassion to be imperfect (heh heh).
best case scenario? youāre with good company and as time goes on with said good company, you realize what you perceive to be flaws are really not flaws at all, but a part of the wonderful weave of traits and quirks that makes up you (and everyone else too!) just maybe with a little less confidence.
rest assured, the confidence can be worked on. but attracting the life you want with people who inspire you and fill your heart with the warmth of 1000 suns starts with you being your most beautiful & authentic self! warts and all!
weirdos n freaks rise up!
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