I realized a few years ago that my desire and attempts to look a certain way were failing. It wasn’t realistic, and it was making me feel inauthentic, empty, and unhappy. Cameras capture every thing, so it’s easy to dwell on imperfections. But that’s not how people experience you. It’s not how others think about you or see you. Imagine how critical you are of yourself and imagine someone else being that critical of another person. You’d think there’s something wrong with them! Who focuses on a person’s looks that much! Get a life you misery!
That’s how we treat ourselves. There’s an epidemic happening where everyone wants and is going out and getting the same face. The same body. It’s so boring. Your “flaws”—as society has taught you to think about them—are not flaws. They make you unique. Memorable. They make you beautiful. To love yourself is active resistance in an economy fueled by obsession over flaws and unhappiness.
One of the actors in White Lotus, Aimee Lou Woods has some objectively flawed teeth. But that’s what makes her so unique, so special. So cute! They make her attractive because she’s unapologetic about them.
Embracing my big goofy smile and big ears and crinkled crows feet makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. That feeling is so powerful. It spreads to other parts of your life and attracts people to you. It’s how you carry yourself, how you move in the world, engage with other people— not how you look.
Mar 29, 2025
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I love thinking about it in the way that these are the details my parents gave me. my hair might frizz, my nose might jut out but it’s part of a lineage and history !
Mar 29, 2025
💯. I can think of so many actors who didn’t look a certain way (Gene Hackman anyone?) whose “how they carried themselves” literally lasted an entire career.
Mar 29, 2025
@COREYDUBROWA yes! philip Seymour Hoffman. Kinda unremarkable but my god what a presence
Mar 29, 2025
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I’ve been known to gas myself up. I’ll walk into a room and announce that I love my outfit for the day. I’ll show someone a spreadsheet that I made and say that I’m in awe of my brain for having such a good idea and bringing it to fruition. And I can assure you that I’m laughing at every single one of my jokes.
It’s obvious how loving yourself and having confidence improves how you feel overall. We know this, we understand this. What I want to talk about is the lesser known impacts of believing in yourself, which is how the rest of the world interacts with you when you carry yourself with unshakable confidence.
On the surface, how do other people react when I’m giving myself a gold star? They giggle, sometimes they may roll their eyes.
On a deeper level, when you truly walk through the world knowing that you are that bitch, it creates an inexplicable magnetism. People notice you in a different way. Take a compliment on an outfit, for example. I wear cute clothes, but so do a lot of people. When someone compliments my outfit, what they are often actually drawn to is that they can tell that EYE feel amazing wearing my outfit.
I love job interviews. People find this shocking and confusing, but they’re going about interviews all wrong. I’m not trying to sell myself, sound like I know what I’m talking about, convince someone to hire me, none of this nonsense. I’m excited to talk about my previous work and skills that I’m so proud of and how amazing I am. I don’t have to tell them how valuable I am, how lucky they would be to have me- the way I believe in myself conveys it.
As mother (RuPaul) says, “if you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” We always talk about treating other people in the way that you want to be treated, but that starts with you. Are you nice to yourself? Do you love yourself? Are you the only girl in the world? If you can’t show up for yourself in these ways, it’s going to limit your capacity to show up for others.
We don’t have to pretend like this is possible every moment of every day. Most days, it feels like everything in our environment is trying to tear us down constantly (especially women!) and sometimes its all too much. Sometimes you just wake up and it’s just not your day. These things happens. Good news- you can try again tomorrow.
Worried about being labeled as delusional? You’re not- you are the baddest bitch in the room. Labeled as extra? Good. Take up as much space as you see fit. Vain? That’s fine. Some people can’t see what’s beyond the surface; the 700th selfie I put on IG has much less to do with liking my face and much more to do with feeling beautiful in my soul.
It’s hard to put into words. But when you believe in yourself, people notice. They won’t be able to put their finger on it, there’s just something about you that stands out. It comes through in our body language, our micro-behaviors, and the wavelengths and vibrations we can’t see and feel.
Try it out. Lie to yourself until you believe it.
Then, watch the world start to fall at your feet.
Aug 27, 2024
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I read a TikTok slideshow about how we attach our personalities to the things we buy like Labubu’s, matcha, vintage clothing, etc., etc. and it really woke me up. It made me realize how often we treat objects like identity badges, hoping they’ll somehow communicate who we are to the world. But maybe we don’t need to buy a personality. Maybe it’s okay to just be you without the aesthetic, without the branding, without needing to “match” a vibe.
The phrase “to be cringe is to be free” has been living rent-free in my head, and honestly, it resonates. Because at the end of the day, who really cares what other people think? Okay, I do sometimes. I’m human. But when I quiet the noise, I know the truest version of myself isn’t curated, it’s just me. Messy, weird, sincere. And I think that’s enough.
We’re not the sum of what we consume. We’re allowed to just exist, unbranded, unfiltered, and still whole.
I think I’m not my truest self yet, but I’m getting there and I really do hope my truest self reflects beautifully to the people around me.
Jun 23, 2025
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I wanted to do this on purpose. As a woman I feel a lot of pressure from all around me to be constantly aware of my appearance. I frequently wish to be able to exist without constantly concerning myself about my appearance. I don’t consider myself someone who cares a lot about this in the first place. I don’t really wear makeup, I dress casually, not because these things are bad, but because thats just not how I choose to represent myself. I value so many things about myself and I believe that my physical appearance should fall LAST in line of my values. I value myself for being a critical thinker. And with being a critical thinker, you have to question the rhetoric that you, yourself believe. Why is it that I want to care less about my appearance? Why is it that when I look in the mirror at my new choppy blunt bangs I feel the need to justify them, to say they’re edgy, cute, they’re dakota Johnson joan of arc “core”. Why is it that I worry that my mother will see this as me spiraling. Is it so bad to look not perfect?
Jun 22, 2025
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some people go their whole lives without experiencing something they want to do or allowing themselves to try something. the rules are made up. you are not too old for anything
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a study issued last month found that dancing is the most effective way of treating and mitigating depression. Walking, therapy, and yoga also outpaced SSRIs. and if you're saying 'oh this was probably funded by Big Dance', there's no evidence of that and if you're saying 'that's just what a Big Dance shill would say', well honey you're right
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