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at the end of 2022 i realised most, if not all, of the ways I pursued pleasure were really just me running away from displeasure. can’t blame myself too much; this was right after years of lockdown in the philippines. i'll save the many ways escapism found me for another time haha i just wanna fully recommend doing the tedious inner work of discerning which things actually bring us real joy vs the ones we just use as emotional crutches - then doing more of the former. life is so much fuller, more saturated when we allow ourselves to experience pleasure for what it is, not just temporary relief. lets fucking gooooo
Mar 18, 2025
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spent the last five or so years in a maze of ennui and self-pity, but i have in the last 18 months slowly been clawing my way towards something resembling the life i want to be living.
i can see the end of the tunnel now, but strangely that amplifies my impatience. when things seemed more hopeless it was perversely sort of freeing - i didn’t know where i should be going, so i wasn’t in a rush. now that i have the full map in my hands i have nothing left to do but drive towards the end. that’s exactly what i wanted, in a sense, but now i have the burden of actually executing on the promises i made to myself - turns out that’s harder than making the promises in the first place! who knew
Mar 3, 2025
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Coming to terms with something I call “productivity addiction,” I don’t think there are any parts of my life that aren’t oriented toward some form of emotional/physical/creative betterment. Even my hobbies and interests are becoming increasingly rooted in ideas of “success” and “growth.”
It’s catching up to me. I need Real Leisure and I need it now. I want to have fun again. Time to undo some knots.
Apr 20, 2025
ngl I sure want a lot of confusing and contradicting things rn and I think the option that brings me the most peace and the least disappointment is inaction.
tbh the last few months ive been kind of a total monk and until recently I forgot how to want. im so used to the feeling of vague emptiness when it comes to my desires (or even just plain contentment), that 2 want something feels... unusual and strange and kind of makes me feel like im being a massive freak all over again
however I believe in my own capacity 2 sort it all out
4d ago
Top Recs from @becoming
i dont know how i managed to field interstellar for more than a decade but today i decided i was finally going to see it. i didnt feel like holding my phone up for 3 hours and it was too hot in the living room (heat index today 41C wtf) so i went to the next best screen: the tv in my parents room. my dad was already in bed, cooling off after lunch. i climbed in beside him and put the film on, ignoring his half hearted protest that he wanted to nap lol i wanted to watch interstellar, he just happened to be there
and then an old murph said she knew cooper would come back "because my dad promised me" and i realised i was holding my dads hand, time folding in on itself
and i thought oh, maybe this is why i never saw this film before. maybe it was orbiting me all these years, waiting for this version of me, this version of my dad, this version of life where i could sit beside him, feeling the weight of a hot, humid manila summer, and the quiet gratitude of a moment finally arriving
Apr 8, 2025
making the most out of the beautiful sun we've been getting !
rly need to heal my productivity trauma bc the last time i printed on rocks was two whole years ago and the only reason i did this today was bc i had leftover solution from the cyanotype class i taught this morning 🥲 vowing to make more personal prints and to experiment more this season!!!!!
Mar 16, 2025
how beautiful is life that we get to hang out w friends and share a meal w them and i couldnt reach the pianggang so A scooped up some chicken and sauce to put on my plate that was hovering over the rest of our food hahaha
and wow palm grill!!! authentic southern mindanaoan cuisine!!!!! loml
Mar 26, 2025