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being seen and appreciated for who i am rather than being kept around out of convenience has truly been one of the most life changing things for me recently. i now have the confidence to use my discernment and make decisions about what is unnecessary and unwanted in my life.
thinking about the difference in my quality of life makes me so emotional, i’m just feeling so many things at once. i’m happy but i feel like my youth has been spent feeling subhuman and unworthy. from now on i will love. i will surround myself with it at all times.
Feb 17, 2025
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Today, I kept feeling a sense of excitement and happiness, and I was constantly trying to belittle these feelings because I’m so used to anxiety that I couldn’t understand why I felt like this even though I have so many things that are stressing me out at the moment in my life, I have responsibilities and deadlines and people that I have to respond to.
You know what?
How ungrateful of me to discard these emotions just because I, on the surface, don’t have a reason to feel them. I don’t need always a reason to feel how I feel.
I think I just learned that I can allow myself to simply acknowledge emotions as they are.
I’m trained to dig deeper when it comes to pain, to understand myself more, and to understand how I can better myself.
I was never trained to just feel happiness and let myself embrace it.
I can feel a cycle breaking and it’s so freeing, I can feel that I’m growing and evolving.
And I’m grateful.
So please, know that you don’t need a reason to be happy, you don’t have to justify to yourself every single good feeling that comes up.
Mar 3, 2025
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ephemeral. liquid, even. an infinite thread. (i know that’s three words/phrases sorry). but to me this idea is present as a unifying force in fleeting moments
i’ve always had the freedom growing up to explore religion on my own terms, and i always felt like there was some uniting force in the makeup of our souls, even if it didn’t mirror the masculinized, christian God.
i feel connected to this force whenever i learn about people in history and realize they werent much different than us in the modern day. we just had different cultural contexts.
every time the season changes.
when you’re with someone you really care about and even silence suffices.
in the same vein, making friends. like that feeling when you meet someone and connect and know you want them to be in your lives for a while. fate is God to me. as is chance encounters.
when i take walks in nature and i can hear the river and the trees and the birds calling all at once.
even when you’re in line at a store and you make brief small talk or have a connection with a stranger. especially when you get a little laugh or smile out of it.
overall, when i feel really connected with humanity and the earth as a whole. i feel like all organized and not-so-organized religion stems from the same place in our hearts and souls (despite these messages sometimes becoming warped and misused).
Mar 30, 2025
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My core desire is to continue cultivating this inner energy.
I am, unequivocally, my priority. This awareness has directed my existing energy inward, revealing its transformative power. I've witnessed how this energy blossoms into something profoundly beautiful, a feeling that resonates deeply when one is grounded and whole. I've also seen, during moments of fragmentation and grief, how I rise again, how I transmute pain into beauty, tears into beauty, fear into beauty. This process is becoming increasingly visible.
It's not that pain or fear cease to exist; rather, I consciously choose to transform that energy, refusing to remain trapped in sadness or fear. I choose to transmute it into something far more beneficial—a light that not only illuminates my own path but also radiates outwards, illuminating others.
Apr 5, 2025
Top Recs from @celinekzn
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i like to think of my ocd as a silly little guy in my head who's just super scared of everything and that helps me ratonalize a little bit when the instrusive thoughts get too out of hand. it's fine little guy ur gonna be ok i love u
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 17, 2025
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i really need to work on my overly intense fear of abandonment... the fact that my immediate thought is that someone is mad at me and is going to leave me if they don't look at/like my story is ridiculous especially considering the fact that this person would rather die than hurt me :/ so hard to unlearn after years of being in that state of mind.
Feb 19, 2025