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I can never hold a grudge or hurt people on purpose. I just don't have that bone in me. I don't get into romantic relationships not because I dont want to, on the contrary sharing the experience of love and being a human sounds wonderful. I pour my heart and soul into my friends which results in me not being friends with just whomever enters my life. I love getting to know people and the little details. Sometimes people mistake this for being naive. No, I just care about the people I love and cherish moments. I'm ride or die type of person. Recently I find myself being like FINE I'LL BE NONCHALANT AND PLAY THE SHALLOW SOCIAL GAME DYNAMICS. fuck it's hard though.
Jan 22, 2025
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although I say I won’t share music anymore or try to find love, I know in my heart and soul this is something I’ll always do.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying. No matter how many times you fail or get ghosted, I don’t think you should let it dull the love in your heart. Or the potential for it. (Although these things do hurt over time).
I wouldn’t possess the desire for love if it wasn’t meant for me!
May 13, 2025
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I love my partner, and doing monogamy has made me learn a lot of things about myself, and I love being able to share so much with him, but I‘ve been missing what it felt like to have multiple people I was infatuated with. I feel like I am a lover boy deep beneath it all, and being able to be a lover boy with everyone without worrying about crossing my partners boundaries was a very free feeling. Now, when I harmlessly flirt, I get an immense amount of guilt overthinking if I took it too far.
Finding lovers throughout your life is what makes life worth living. Being romantically involved with someone has a way of changing everything about your life in so many lovely ways. Little gifts, little kisses. Wine drunk, and giggling. Best friends become lovers become friends again.
Feb 28, 2025
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Sometimes I get caught up chasing ideals of love. Growing up with immigrant parents in the US, I wished my parents showed me love the way my friends' parents did. My parents seemed cold in comparison to the affection I saw my friends receiving. I fell for best friends who did love me but never enough and never in the ways I wanted them to.
Nowadays I have grown to appreciate the ways in which my parents do show me love -- when they ask if I've eaten or when I dye my mom's hair as she peels me oranges. Friendship to me no longer needs to be tied up in such rigid binaries. It's not the label of a relationship I'm after but rather just the intimacy of knowing other people. I try not to focus so much on how I wish to be loved by other people and instead pay attention to all the different ways I am loved. Acting with a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. And in that way, everything feels enough.
Disclaimer: Establishing boundaries is paramount. Love that is corrosive or manipulative is not love.
Feb 1, 2024
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I've come to accept the fact that we are all living in our own sisyphus world. The concept of time which I cant seem to grasp surrounds me with it's intoxicating pink haze, I wake up and I'm 25 BARELY SURVIVING. But I have experienced depression and trauma and I am sooo tired of revisiting that blackhole. I HAVE TO SHOW UP FOR MYSELF. Executive dysfunction fucks me over while partnering with narcolepsy. But I refuse to succumb to the bittersweet melancholy. I'm holding myself accountable. No excuses. Parents aren't in my life and I'm dirt poor. But I believe in myself. That hope and effort gives me life. I fucking love life and I'm done hiding from it (also done with being a crybaby).
Jan 22, 2025
I teach pottery and tbh it doesn't pay well. I've noticed that upper middle class people come alot. I wish it were more accessible because it really helps you get out of your head.
Jan 22, 2025
Why dont we put pictures in locket necklaces anymore? People have literally kept strands of hair or blood and anything that reminds them of a loved one around their necks in history. It needs to be a thing again.
Jan 22, 2025