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my toxic traits

apparently i have the mentality of a five year old so i need to call myself out so i can move on and stop being petty these are my toxic traits: - really liking something until it becomes popular, and then i hate it because “i was there first”. like???? be tf fr im an adult don’t act like that - not wanting to do smth or getting snappy because im overstimulated. the real world doesn’t cater to me or my feelings so i need to get a GRIP - getting distracted easily or having my mind wander off when someone is talking to me. that needs to literally stop because i find myself doing it too much at work - ghosting people unintentionally. i forget people message me too often because i get too caught up in my own thoughts - being lazy to catch up with friends. - not being mentally disciplined. this is a BIG one. the minute i have an inkling that i dont want to do smth most times than not i will find myself not doing it. i need to push though and just do it - not wanting to leave the house after 9pm or not wanting to stay out later than 9pm (which is usually my sit in bed and chill until i sleep around 10 time) my friends invite me out to bars and such (which is not an environment i am fond of) but i need to remind myself they’re inviting me because they want to spend time with me and and value my company. i need to SUCK IT UP - going to beach days (i hate the beach) for the same reasons as above - i need to read more. i’m going to start finding books with less than 150 pages to try and get my mind back into being active and discipled. i need to work on my attention span, social media has ruined it. - avoiding all apps that involve doom scrolling, i have an obsessive behaviour and one i start i wont stop - being too lazy to dress nicely for casual occasions. i need to take more pride in my appearance - i dont take the gym seriously enough. i have no back muscles and when i grow old, and if i do nothing about my lack of back muscles, i will become an old woman with a very big hunch back - i don’t eat proper meals and i usually just snack. this is a very big one for me and i need to work on my nutrition - i need to spend less time on my phone. i think i might start leaving my phone at home and just take my bank card with me so i can have some proper screen off time now that ive called myself out publicly i need to work on these things and i think my life will change for the better

@jilly

Jan 25, 2025

3

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going just a little further

this might be weird, because it seems everyone on this app is incredibly well adjusted, if not just a little odd. i am coming off (i hope) of an almost three week depressive episode, during which i have not run (longest period in two years), watched excessive amounts of (shitty) netflix, and eaten so poorly that i no longer crave vegetables or fruits (this is the most disappointing and surprising). every single thought that i’ve had during this time has been about how it is entirely impossible for me to get out of bed, and that i will never be myself again. i’ve gained an impressive amount of weight, so much so that i hope to god i’m just being overly critical of myself. my skin has dried out, my floors are dusty, and i have more laundry to do than i feel is humanly possible. these past few weeks, my brain has been a miserable place to be. but today, i got up. i went to learn how to make couscous at a friend’s house, watched as she manned the burners with cartoonish dexterity. hot water rippled into pots, spices flashed in the air, fresh vegetables perfumed the kitchen. we cooked, ate, and hung out with her family until i had to go home and clean for a friend coming in from out of town. it was lovely and cloudy on the walk home. i always miss the sky when i bedrot, and try to at least make it to my roof for sunset and stick my head out the window for sunrise. when i got home, i sat for a little while holding my cat before working. does anyone else do this to try and regulate their mood? i then washed dishes, fixed my broken washing machine, and scrubbed floors until the friend arrived. it’s nice to have a clean house. everyone knows it, so how is it so bloody hard to keep up? tonight, i went for a walk. i wanted to run, but didn’t intend or expect to get far. i put on a quick one before the eternal worm devours connecticut on repeat. starting slow, feeling the cold. frosty air fogged my glasses. after half a mile, endorphines began to flood my mind. things seemed possible. i could keep running, and, by extension, i could get myself out of this bedrotting cycle. i just kept running, slowly. a mile. keep going. slowly. i usually turn around at 1.5 to make a rough 5k, but i hit 1.75 and wanted to keep on. it was 2 before i decided to turn around. don’t stop. keep going. feel the cold. feel the sweat in your hands, think about the fog that has settled over the town and it’s ugly white lights. i just kept going, trying to push myself to each next landmark. i ended up doing four miles without stopping, something not unheard of, but certainly an achievement for me. i understand that this might seem stupid and indulgent. but i just want it to be here. i need to mark it down, write it out, prove that i can get better. i can pull myself out of these doldrums. and anyone can. it’s trite and its true. dishes, laundry, and taxes never end, but we do them because we have to. because it’s pleasant to have clean hair and sunlight on your skin. brushed teeth and charged batteries. these responsibilities also help make us feel good. i know this period of inactivity and neglect is not going to be easy to move past, but i will. because i want to feel good. so, even though it seems stupid sometimes, i am going to go on a run tomorrow. i will wash my face and eat some protein. one day at a time, i will get better. my dms are open for anyone struggling or anyone who just wants to talk ❤️‍🔥

@dailey

Oct 25, 2024

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Choosing not to fill ur mind With content

i feel like a massive hypocrite writing this, but im gonna be honest.. the past year i've been constantly listening to/watching youtube videos and ig reels in order to fill the silence. just loads and loads of useless information and empty talks. last night i realized that doing so has been keeping me from thinking about stuff, listening to music and in general, being productive. i was filling my head with useless noise so i wouldn't think. it ended up being a comfortable bubble of bullshit that was hard to break out of. today i stopped the video, grabbed my notes of things i want to DO and played some music in the background. felt much better. i might relapse— i have many times, but im tired of being a vertically scrolling thumb (again).

@applesapples22

Aug 16, 2024

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sitting in spots of sun-rays

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