A while ago I was watching a YouTube video by one of my favourite creators. The video was on will-power and habit breaking/forming and it aimed to summarise a book on the topic written in the 1920s.
A phrase kept being repeated in this book when attempts to break old habits failed, usually by lack of will.
“And the dishonour is complete.”
[The ‘dishonour’ being committed by oneself against oneself].
This has stuck with me and for a while and it worked well to catch myself in my little bad habits.
Since then though, a lot has changed in such a short amount of time, and I hate excuses but I can’t find my footing.
I can’t reach for old hobbies, I can’t refresh my mind how I used to, I can’t deep-dive in my healthy distractions, I can’t call friends, I can’t go a full day without some sort of nap just so I’m not awake, I can’t exercise, I can’t get up and I can’t leave the house.
I can’t find myself in my reflection or when I close my eyes.
And all of these ‘can’ts’ build up every day, before I even open my eyes and so I end up dishonouring myself again and again.
I’m not particularly depressed but I’m struggling to make something for myself to get up for.
