š„ļø
It is summer time and everyone is out dancing and drinking, meeting new lovers or growing with old lovers. I am left watching as I work for money and for a better version of myself. My winter was wild and shocking with polycules and new friends, flirting and drinking everyday barely had a second to look after myself let alone my dog(Ted). the strangest thing is how Iām very happy not doing much, I love my own company and Iām getting a complete 8 hours of sleep with no lovers to keep me awake at night or disrupt my eating schedule from nausea. I feel wrong for this though like I should be making every memory possible, Jam Pack as many emotions and experiences as I can whilst young and itās summer. but Iām so happy, I need to stop being mean to myself, for changing my mind on what I truly want.
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ā„ļø
Iāve been single for a year and a half now and have recently had a massive breakthrough with it all. I spent a while deeply brainwashed by the horrific dating advice on Tik Tok which stipulates things like āif the first date isnāt a dinner date then he basically views you as a saloon whoreā or āunless you drop into your soft feminine energy, you deserve an entire life alone, you toothless witch.ā I donāt want to do either of those things. What the fuck is soft feminine energy? I want to focus on work and make videos that make people laugh and write and spend time with friends and eat and drink wine (see above) without being haunted by the viral refrain āIf he wanted to, he would.ā Who cares? I like meeting guys out and about! Maybe grabbing drinks. Having crushes. Flirting. Enjoying them. But I will never again sit through a Tik Tok titled āsubtle ways to make him addicted to youā or āhow to become a high value woman who is a prize to be won.ā ENOUGH.
Sep 1, 2023
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i see solitude as metamorphosis. you need that time in the cocoon to really check in with yourself and the joy of that comes from how you'll gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
sometimes i spend SO much time with myself that i get SO BORED that I HAVE to venture outside of myself. when i say venture, i mean challenging myself in how i self- express which will in turn, nourish my interactions with others when i choose to seek company.
proceeding to create art, but trying new methods. going down youtube rabbit holes of things i am interested in so i can discover new references. cooking a meal without following a recipe and surprising myself. making the space i am in super cosy (candles, snacks on deck, music, blankets) going on long walks and picking up conversations with strangers through shared observations of life around us. watching music festivals/boiler rooms and dancing around my room like a mad man.
once you feel comfortable in being by yourself, you'll be more aware of what you need from your company and when you seek it, you'll be a lot more intentional about it and cherish it even more.
Oct 7, 2024
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There is a lot of really good advice and input in the other responses, but I just wanted to let you know that about a year ago I broke up and stopped talking to the person I was dating for over 8 years. I didnāt realize how much I didnāt know about myself. In that time Iāve picked up a few art classes, fitness classes, and some of those I hated. Every time I was sad that I wanted to do [insert any thing or activity] but I didnāt have someone to do it with, I would go do it alone.
This time last year was really hard. I had to drag my ass out of my apartment on long walks. podcasts were my best friends, because my real people friends would be busy some times and thatās okay! yeah I did watch all of love island. Alllll of it. I remember thinking ādo I exist if I donāt have a person to tell xyz to??ā Like yes girl ofc you do!!!!
Right now I feel like my life and my heart are so full And happy and Light!!! Putting myself first and finding out what I like has been amazing and Iām so excited to hear about how Youāre doing with it all.
Jun 18, 2024
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I know by Fiona Apple has been replayed many times this week as I actually begin to process a break up from months ago. His ex texted me too so all the emotions are going crazy
Jan 24, 2025
As I draw my friend playing guitar and my other doing origami in the same room. How nice is it to be close to people and not have to be anything other than yourself. Completely separate in activity but together in space <333
Jan 3, 2025
I have many complex feelings around painting people, relationships, friends, situationships ect. Iām recently working on a piece related to a recent break up and feel strange about showing it because I donāt want him to think Iām obsessed or dwelling or creepy but fuck it! I donāt care let me process and express and if you think painting someoneās face without their permission is immoral! Well cheating on someone is also quite immoral.
Anyway hereās my new piece I have started (not finished)
āBeautiful losersā
You love only when itās a reflection of yourself.making me a mirror you can romanticise. he couldnāt tell me anything about me, just how I made HIM feel.
Jan 24, 2025