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Enclose yourself in monastic isolation until you are ready to accept the unending pain inherent in any romantic relationship
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Nov 26, 2024

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Nov 27, 2024
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i feel like i'm a horrible person. in all my past relationships i treated my partners poorly and now i'm starting to regret all the things i've done and the only solution that i got is to isolate myself to prevent myself from hurting others
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I am starting to worry that I enjoy my own solitude too much. Rarely going out, I don't feel a need to socialize, make new friends, and dating seems like a risk. A true quality connection make me happy and feel fullfed but how do I get back to a place of wanting that? Being alone just gets easier and easier. whomp whomp
Apr 23, 2024
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I found this in my notes up from April before I met a partner of mine and was overwhelmed with a constant feeling of loneliness. He later cheated on me at the start of the month, and I felt nothing, I was released to be alone. Now that December is coming to an end, the joy of space has worn off and left a lonesome taste in my mouth. He is the most recent picture of intimacy I can claw too. I dislike him and don’t want him, I’m not sure I ever did. But god do I miss sleeping next to him, I miss his representation of warmth, not him. Anyway this little diary passage reminded me how well I know myself and how the same feelings and thoughts will continuously re imagine themself and manifest into life.
19 April 2024 “We aren’t meant to be solitary creatures We are made to hold one another Our arms fit perfectly around people for a reason  And every night I go with only my bed to keep me warm Part of my soul breaks under the discomfort  The absence of someone is the presence of my loneliness  The space becomes filled with reflections of myself And I must stare back at my ghosts who haunt me with the silhouette of lovers who did not want me”
Dec 30, 2024

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