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okay i got some really amazing advice from fellow piffers a few weeks back when i was drowning with texts AND felt like a dick for telling my friends and family that getting their messages made me want to kms lol. but being honest about how i felt is super helpful so i don’t become a ball of rage. usually in a more gentle way, but being honest that texting isn’t a great way to connect with me is v important to foregrounding my relationships nowadays.
do not disturb really helped me take away from feeling constantly available to people. i see their texts when i get the time to, not when they *need* or *want* me to. removing the feeling of being obligated to someone’s messages has made me feel less awful about texts and calls. esp bc i am busy so often that their messages used to interrupt my day, my flow, my viiibbbee.
still trying to figure out why relationships feel like obligations to me rn… i feel like that is the core issue of my rage/anxiety feelings from texts and calls.
Nov 19, 2024
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idk about other phones but if u have an iphone they have all kinds you can turn on and just make sure it’s set to show people you’re on dnd. then if they go to text you they’ll see you’re working/taking personal time/etc. i have the one set up for work hours, one for therapy and yoga, sleep, i also put them on when i am doing my something else (painting, cooking, movie) and don’t want to be bothered. IMO you don’t really have to announce it and it also may not go over well if you tell people their texts drive you crazy — it might just be better left unsaid. (unless you’re getting spammed with like ten calls in a row then you probably should) i think eventually they’ll just adjust to you not being reachable 24/7. (just don’t ghost people for a bunch of days if they ask you an important question lol) i used to feel obliged to respond to everything ASAP and i’m still mostly a “good texter” but i don’t feel the need to interrupt things to respond to texts or text abt something non-time sensitive if i’m not in a mood to (outside my mom lol, i always answer her the same day) and i think most people in my life understand that bc i just am not reachable 24/7 and have that boundary. i don’t know if you can just stop people texting you a lot but i think if you reshape your response time they will have to adjust/come to terms with that
Nov 19, 2024
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i am flattered that my friends want to talk to me, but it’s a stimulation overload. like, my attention is being demanded at any time of the day without consent. the messages pile up, people sending me memes or check up messages or trying to organise events on group chats or even just asking when i am free to hang out. and it happens all at once, from all different people. my time feels obligated to someone else because i have to make time to reply or find time to see that person.
i leave people on delivered for days because i don’t have the stamina to engage in conversation that was basically demanded out of me during my day. i love my friends, but text messaging has allowed people to infiltrate your personal time at any point of the day, removing time away from yourself and worrying about when to reply or what to say back.
it’s a lot, and im overwhelmed by it. sometimes, it makes me just want to fall off the grid.
Jan 27, 2025
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Earlier today, before reading this ask, I had been journaling about how to manage this in my own life.
There's a real power in unbroken flow, deep work, and space to think and abide. But in a flash it can be undermined by the "interrupt me" device in my pocket.
Texting and messaging people whenever we feel like it is normal behavior. Probably it should not be normal behavior, but that's where we've found ourselves. So if I want something different, then the responsibility is on me to hold space for it.
I don't have the tech rules in place yet, but I do like the idea of having one window of 30-60 minutes daily, or maybe a morning window and evening window, when I respond to instant messages. Over time, the folks in my life will understand that if it is urgent they should call me.
Nov 20, 2024
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Dec 1, 2024
i read this book right after leaving an abusive relationship, trying to figure out what love was for me and how i could see it in my recently shook up world.
bell hooks writes in a simple, honest language. it’s a beautiful, accessible book that humbled me and taught me how to love people and where find the love i desired.
Feb 20, 2025