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Earlier today, before reading this ask, I had been journaling about how to manage this in my own life.
There's a real power in unbroken flow, deep work, and space to think and abide. But in a flash it can be undermined by the "interrupt me" device in my pocket.
Texting and messaging people whenever we feel like it is normal behavior. Probably it should not be normal behavior, but that's where we've found ourselves. So if I want something different, then the responsibility is on me to hold space for it.
I don't have the tech rules in place yet, but I do like the idea of having one window of 30-60 minutes daily, or maybe a morning window and evening window, when I respond to instant messages. Over time, the folks in my life will understand that if it is urgent they should call me.
Nov 20, 2024
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first, outside of time-sensitive requests / emergencies, you donât owe anybody an instant reply. i fully endorse sillygirltypebeatâs recommendation of focus modes to let people know when youâre away - outside of that, just be clear that youâre not helicoptering your notifications all day, and if you have friends who canât accept that than you might need to go your separate ways.
second, while you donât owe anybody an *instant* reply, you should probably set a regular time every day to get on top of your messages - personal, professional, etc. i check my email, dms, and messages on various services once when i wake up, once in the afternoon, and once before i âclock outâ (i wfh lmao) for the day. blocking out time to do this daily ensures that (1) your total unread messages never gets to the point where itâs debilitatingly stressful, and (2) because you have a set time to check them, you can turn all your messaging notifications off and happily mute any non-essential conversations totally guilt-free, because you know you have a set time to get back to it.
my friend group discord is muted, my dms are largely muted, my email is *definitely* muted, and in every focus mode i have muted all notifications except phone calls from my parents / partner / roommates, but despite all that almost everybody in my life can rely on a response from me within at least 48 hours. notification discipline really matters
Oct 19, 2024
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As someone who has been a historically negligent telecommunicator, this habit is definitely one that has required some intention and tlc in developing, but boy has it been worth it!
First and foremost, this is a bandwidth godsend.
By responding to messages as soon as you get them, you fulfill your immediate duty and free up that sweet sweet real estate.
But of course there are also many downstream benefits that I will cover in as soon as I qualify a bit and explain the practice.
Qualifiers:
Obviously dont stay glued to your device, or stop whatever youâre doing, or get into more involved discussion when it is not the time or place to do so. And also in dating I think there is a real value in the air that used to be so natural and implicit before texting.
The Practice:
Very simple. When an inbound comes in and you see it, simply take 5 seconds to 1 minute to read and respond to it. Most things I find can be answered with a yes, no, or maybe so. And if it canât, a âcan I call you laterâ or âgood question đ¤â or âlet me seeâ might do the trick. And finally, if none of these work
go ahead and take your little time and respond later.
Downstream benefits:
People like it
Things get sorted out faster
Less falls through the cracks
No apology texts or excuses
less overthinking communications/more authenticity
Obviously there is no right or wrong way. I have a friend that goes read receipts, reads stuff, then, if needed, takes his time to get back to you. And I actually find that nice to be on the receiving end of because itâs always intentional.
But Iâve really enjoyed this way and practice and wanted to recommend it as it has added a lot of value in my life.
Aug 14, 2024
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this may not be in any way applicable to your situations:
what if you were to reply letting them know you got the message, you want to connect, but texting just isn't working for you â and instead could they Facetime or do a phone call or something realtime?
When I send you a text message or a whatsapp or signal or one of the many others then I am essentially giving you homework/an assignment. I put something in your inboxâon your to do list. Now you have to deal with this thing. My message, or insane flurry of messages, is going to sit there taunting and shaming you.
I've been part of so many group messaging threads and they can just become so way too much to point I can't even engage in that medium.
So I love the idea of communicating in a way that doesn't put a burden of response on someoneâbecause it is happening in realtime. Instant messaging can be exhausting whereas a phone call or video chat can be life-giving. And when it is over, then it is over.
Oct 19, 2024
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this is worthy of celebration:Â the lack of videoâautoplay video, noisy inane video, panicky video, algorithmic, dumb video, rabbit hole video, any videoâon pi.fyi is a good thing
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