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i will tell the tragic story of both of my first kisses:
I was a bit of a late bloomer romantically, and didn’t engage in pining of any sort until about age 15. At some point during my 15th year on this earth, I asked out a girl I knew named Adina who had very beautiful eyes, and we “dated” for a couple of months: we sat in coffee shops for an hour once a week or so holding slippery, sweaty hands and not making eye contact. This continued until my 16th birthday part sleepover. We two were the last still awake, and there, in the dark, on the hardwood floor of my living room, she kissed me. I remember she put her hand in my hair and i felt blessed. She pulled away and as I was gearing up to say something, she said: “I don’t think i like girls actually“ Woe! I in my soul felt damned but tried to handle it with grace. We are still vague friends to this day.
second kiss: A few months later, I met a boy who ate paper plates, had a reputation for being mean, and regularly skipped class to play guitar in the closet of his school. I deemed it prudent to lose my virginity to him (a confusing but not surprising decision in hindsight.) we started courting, and one day in the autumn, under a tree in washington square park, we kissed. Again, it was beautiful. Until halfway through he pulled away, excused himself, and threw up behind the tree. WOE AGAIN!!! Turns out he had strep and did not tell me. we dated for 10 months, broke up, and then dated/broke up again later in life, with much tumult and excitement along the way.
And that is the story of both my first kisses and how I believed I was cursed forever!!!
Oct 17, 2024

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Please number 2 is cracking me upppp
Oct 17, 2024
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taterhole I think we would have been friends as teens it seems like we were both somewhat clinical and strange
Oct 17, 2024
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sofe absolutely I feel you are a kindred spirit to me!!!!
Oct 17, 2024
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that first story is so fucking brutal. it is a kind of cruelty that only a child could embody
Oct 17, 2024
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I was very unapproachable and emitted a foul hostile energy that repelled any boys with good sense in high school who may have otherwise been attracted to me. But there was one boy, S., who really liked me (my mother told me recently: ‘I could tell that boy had no self-respect for dating you‘ LOL and she’s so right).
I loathed him and found him to be so profoundly irritating and utterly lacking in refinement or taste but he tried his best to win me over by constantly assaulting me with his boisterous and animated presence. Unfortunately, I was on the court for my cousin’s quinceanera and needed a date, so I finally bit, having no other options and needing to RSVP several months in advance of the date of the event with the name of my ‘escort.’
We started dating before then because why not. My friends threw a surprise birthday party for me at my neighborhood park and after singing happy birthday to me, they all started chanting at me in unison to kiss S., so we went behind a tree for privacy and complied. All I really remember is that his mouth tasted like a burger exactly like the Wet Hot American Summer quote.
This lanky string bean of a young man legitimately only ate pizza and hamburgers and only drank Dr. Pepper (I recently heard that he had come down with gout and I can see why). He had a giant collection of dirty Converse shoes, which he kept in a pile and wore to the exclusion of all other footwear, and he called them Chucks.
He would write me love letters and I would correct the grammar and syntax in red pen and return them to him. He would talk about the children we were going to have someday and tell me that the song “Maybe I'm Amazed” by Paul McCartney made him think of me; I would tell him that I don’t think teenagers can experience real love. I convinced him to grow a beard to hide his off-putting pointy chin that made him look exactly like the tragedy and comedy masks ‘because it just looks so much better’ which he has not shaved since. 🎭
He ended up having an emotional affair with a pizza delivery girl from Oregon who was probably a catfish on the forums for the television show Psych (which he was obsessed with), which hurt my ego more than anything. After the breakup I burned all of the drawings and handmade gifts he had given me in a barbecue grill. I hope he’s found a sweet simpleton who treats him well and gives him what he needs. That’s the story of my evil past and the boy who gave me my first kiss.
Oct 16, 2024
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my first kiss was literally underwater which is kinda poetic since my name is Ariel lol I was 14 and i had a HUGE crush on my classmate and i've been trying to seem cool to him for an entire year. anyway it was the end of the school year and we all went to have a pool party and he kissed me underwater. honestly, i was so confused at what actually happened since my eyes were closed and it really just felt like any other soft surface touching my lips lol. no one else saw so it was our little secret
anyways i guess we liked doing it so much that we decided to meet up for an entire week at school literally just to KISS (school had ended and it was summer vacation but we still met up at school ? i guess because it had a million empty rooms and we couldn't have a private moment elsewhere) and we would do it so much my upper lip started bruising. i remember there was a wall clock and every now and then i would open my eyes to see how much time had passed, one time we kissed for 45 minutes straight. i guess we matched each other's freaks. then i'd go home and listen to kiss me by sixpence none the richer on repeat on my mp3 player.
that week was the end of it, he kinda ghosted me afterwards and at the start of the new school year he had a girlfriend ;-( oh well!!!!
Mar 19, 2025
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So one of my flexes is that actually I had a great first kiss experience. I was 15, it was with my girlfriend at the time. We had been dating on and off for a few months (this was both our first like serious relationship that counted so it was pretty messy in soooo many ways). We had been best friends for a long time before dating and we always had feelings for each other.
We were in my house playing Dictator on my iPad, sitting on a bean bag in my room. We were cuddling and the tension was over the roof, and after holding the most intense stare ever I ask "what?" (and I knew what was happening but I wanted to play dumb so that she would say it and then I would not have to start it because I was nervous and we had never kissed and thought she might reject me?) anyway and she went "god, I hope I don't regret this" (which like looking back no wonder I was afraid of getting rejected and like damn bitch but also we were teens and she was very nervous too). So she KISSED ME and everything inside me exploded. We proceeded to make out for like a full 40 minutes with some breaks and like got hands under shirts and also this was the first time I ever touched a boob and it was MINDBLOWING and AWESOME (i love boobs).
The breaks we took in between were also pretty sweet. Our relationship up to this point and also after was full of hiding because neither of us wanted our families to know we were together so we were always looking to get intimate in positions were breaking apart at a moment's notice would give us plausible deniability (I still was a cishet man so it wasn't a closet thing back then, but neither of us was ever very close to our families that way). We would play a couple of rounds of Dictator and then make out in the ad breaks. Also my dog was around and wanted to play and was SUCH a bother. In the end the secrecy wasn't effective because the bean bag was right in front of my door (which I was not allowed to close) and we noticed at some point my mom was passing my room on the way out of a room we never saw her walk into in the first place...? So she definitely saw us, we just don't know at what part (hopefully not when we were getting handsy LOL).
We dated for a couple of months more, broke up because I left on a semester abroad, got back together after two years and had a much better, healthier, steady relationship for that time. We don't speak anymore (but that's a story for ANOTHER day) but last we spoke about this we both remember this kiss very fondly.
Oct 17, 2024

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