đź“
You sit in the kitchen, having finished your Sanskrit homework, listening to your roommate make what sounds like Bulgarian trap music. You make your 3rd latte of the day and wonder where the rice maker that is always full of moldy rice has disappeared to. Instead of responding to any of the texts you have received, you sit and think about poems and how to make your halloween costume.
It is a stupid life - but at the same time, you are alive and able to pay rent. You have a room of your own and people like you. You exist in the same world as Virginia Woolf. And every day, even when it doesn’t feel like it should, the sun shines into your room.
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“I am nothing, I am everything, and I’m certainly never in between to two. It’s stupid to think I could be anything other than me, miserable and birthed. Death to everyone who isn’t such things. What is the point of life if not to indulge every dreadfully mediocre sadness to its climax only to realize you have to get off a whole single file line of dreadfully mediocre sadnesses? Respite is only plausible in physicality. There is no escape from a self pitying and exhaustingly guilty mind. Hypocrisy after hypocrisy, I weave myself more securely into my mental web. No one gets in, no one gets out. It’s the way I like it and the way I insurmountably loathe it, balanced by the progression of life itself.”
Jan 29, 2025
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I've come to accept the fact that we are all living in our own sisyphus world. The concept of time which I cant seem to grasp surrounds me with it's intoxicating pink haze, I wake up and I'm 25 BARELY SURVIVING. But I have experienced depression and trauma and I am sooo tired of revisiting that blackhole. I HAVE TO SHOW UP FOR MYSELF. Executive dysfunction fucks me over while partnering with narcolepsy. But I refuse to succumb to the bittersweet melancholy. I'm holding myself accountable. No excuses. Parents aren't in my life and I'm dirt poor. But I believe in myself. That hope and effort gives me life. I fucking love life and I'm done hiding from it (also done with being a crybaby).
Jan 22, 2025
I don't really know how to start this post, so I'll let out the word vomit.
As days pass, I sometimes find myself more confident, appreciating my physical appearance and grateful for what I can handle mentally and emotionally. Some days I acknowledge I'm smart, pretty, funny.
Yet other times I can't see any of that.
A lot of times I don't really see myself as pretty, incapable of remembering a simple equation, I feel as if I'm a wet towel thrown on my friend's and loved ones. Maybe I compare myself to others often and that's my issue, that I see myself as lowly yet other times I put my self worth as high.
I'm a very back and forth kind of girl if you didn't know already. I do have my moments however when I give in and embrace what I am, a girl who spends more time doing my makeup than studying, and what I enjoy like playing Hello Kitty games when I finish schoolwork or watch reality television, maybe spiral into a rabbit hole of lore after learning about a new game.
But I can't deny the weirdness I feel when nobody understands what I'm talking about.
They say 'to be cringe is to be free' but God does it make you writhe with displeasure when you're the cringey one.
I'm coming to accept and realize that I can be harsh and cruel to myself, especially when it comes to my abilities to perform hobbies I'm passionate about. I've stopped drawing for a month because of these impending thoughts.
It's like wearing a suit of flesh in hopes of getting some idea of what you are for some sense of clarity.
Maybe it's because I am just a girl, or it's the human experience nobody talks about. If we did, maybe we wouldn't feel as alone or awkward but oh well, what can you do?
Slowly but surely I have come to accept and embrace myself despite the faults I carry.
Feb 19, 2025
Top Recs from @sofe
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Gazpacho only in the late summer, persimmons only in the winter, etc. just because we can import anything from anywhere anytime doesn’t mean we should. Nothing is special if you can have it whenever you want it.
May 22, 2024
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Whenever my housemate Cody and I have to do home improvement we say “let’s play hammer and saw”. i love playing hammer
Feb 8, 2024
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no podcasts no music no earbuds… sometimes it’s nice to not listen to anything and just let yourself be raw in the world for a bit
Jan 31, 2024