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Attachment styles? Signs of covert narcissism? BPD? Rules for no contact?
Consume and practice in moderation.
Nothing will give you control of your relationships with other humans or shield you from pain and thatâs the beauty of it. Just go out, experience it all, and, above all, learn and be kind.
Jul 2, 2024
Related Recs
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i have found that over-prescribing to any kind of theory that sticks you in one box is often a bad idea! Most of the time the way we react in relationships isnât just down to our own âattachment styleâ but a huge amount of factors, including the person that weâre entering into relationships with. Someone might be âavoidantâ with one person and âanxiousâ with another, then one person comes along who treats them how they like and suddenly they feel secure. Of course, this isnât to say that there wonât be recurring traumas or feelings that might be a pattern in your relationships, but my advice (based on my own experience) is to treat each of those feelings as itâs own unique thing as and when it comes up, rather than a part of a whole âI am this kind of person with this kind of attachment styleâ. I think it can trap you into feeling that youâre broken, or that the problem is always you (when sometimes itâs you, sometimes itâs them, sometimes itâs both or neither). My advice would be to note when these feelings are triggered in you, and what possible behaviour or situation set it off. why did that trigger that feeling? Is that a reasonable response to that situation? If it is can you express the discomfort and change the situation or behaviour? If itâs not a reasonable response then can you try to work through the feeling as separate from that situation? If it is reasonable but you cannot explain it to the other person in order to change their behaviour it might not be the right situation for you to be in!
Jul 10, 2024
If you have strong checkpoints yet find yourself being run over by narcs. It's worth doing a post-op learning and understanding why. I practically live on homework!
Found this Reddit post really helpful:
"A couple things.
Obviously tune up your radar so you can spot them early on, and be ruthless about boundaries including summary termination of the relationship without notice, announcement, or explanation other than perhaps to hold them expressly responsible. E.g., your behavior X isn't consistent with my values.
Almost as obviously, don't judge prematurely, give others the benefit of the doubt, recognize your own triggers and the substantial prospect of misunderstanding, figure out ways to get someone to explain themselves ("I don't understand" and "what?" go a long way), and be clear and express with your boundaries if only to give the person an opportunity to apologize (they will, or they'll justify / explain / deny but either way, they'll reveal themselves). Also recognize that people sometimes just put their foot in their mouth (not that I ever have, of course) and forgiveness is a virtue.
Importantly, don't go out into the world saying you can't trust any more. That embraces and perpetuates the role and identity of victim and perpetuates your prior tormentors' influence over your psyche.
Better instead to reject and, indeed, defy that influence expressly and with purpose. Think of oneself as an empowered adult free to associate, or not, with whomever you choose, in your own terms, without apology or justification, responsible for yourself, your decisions, and self view, and who is a keen judge of character borne of experience and insight.
Living well is the best revenge, they say."
Sep 3, 2024
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think Critically. They control everything you do. Do whatever you can not to care about what they want. And to not to value yourself based on your desirability. Peace đ§ââď¸
Jan 23, 2024
Top Recs from @gabbaghoul
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Everything is cyclical and youâll have your eras when you feel evolved, self-assured, like youâve âfigured it outâ and then suddenly everything will feel confusing and uncertain. Then youâll cycle back. And this will happen through most of your life. And itâs happening to everyone youâre jealous of.
Your time will come around, just ride the wave bb đ đââď¸đ¤đź
Jul 11, 2024
nothing makes me happier than receiving bespoke reactions from my pals in the group chat
Nov 17, 2024
This is kind of an anti-rec, more of a PSA.
If you havenât heard of the marketing research company WGSN itâs worth a deep dive.
Horrifying to see that years ago, a marketing research company predicted that weâd all be into 90s and early 2000s nostalgia, nihilism, and awe/whimsy.
The scarier part, for me, is how companies that work with these firms will prey upon individualsâ sincere interests and perspectives. Some unpaid intern from WGSN is def monitoring this app lol.
I wrestle with that competing understandings that a zeitgeist will always exist; that the transmission of preferences/ideas between people is how culture is made, with also not wanting to be unconsciously influenced by a predatory system whose only goal is to make me feel like Iâm less than and therefore push me to consume.
Sry Iâm super red pilled this morning lol.
Jul 10, 2024