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i actually hope in the future to have daughters, so reading this perspective has been a nice insight into how autonomy plays a massive role into their upbringing :)
Jun 28, 2024
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😃i really also think about how much boys are taught ways to perform masculinity & how it is legitimised through tangible things like building a career etc but with women i find that from a young age our identity, behaviours, & thoughts are always spoken about in relation to other people/things — gender roles within the family, how we’re perceived by men, our friendships with other women, our relationships with material things etc etc — and this shows up in the labels that women are often given too! so and so is someone’s daughter, girlfriend, wife, mother etc etc. i envy the freedom of boyhood so much, the freedom to just be (this is not to discount the toxicity of traditional masculinity, i just think that boys are still afforded more “play” and therefore have more opportunities to develop their sense of self).
maybe i am also biased because of how i’ve grown up & whatnot but i never really understood what it meant to quote unquote be a woman or perform femininity. i only saw this modelled within my nurturing friendships with women as i’ve gotten older but when i was younger, in church it was always “ok well don’t do this or that because x y z will happen to men if you do” or within my extended family it was often “are you seeing anyone? when are you having kids”. damn what happened to asking about how i’m doing or what my dreams are!!!
long rant sorry !! but that’s my long winded way of saying “i feel you” haha
maybe i am also biased because of how i’ve grown up & whatnot but i never really understood what it meant to quote unquote be a woman or perform femininity. i only saw this modelled within my nurturing friendships with women as i’ve gotten older but when i was younger, in church it was always “ok well don’t do this or that because x y z will happen to men if you do” or within my extended family it was often “are you seeing anyone? when are you having kids”. damn what happened to asking about how i’m doing or what my dreams are!!!
long rant sorry !! but that’s my long winded way of saying “i feel you” haha
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🪁thank you for being vulnerable. but yeah, as a cis woman, boyhood always made me wistful in a way that i couldn’t really place. i am a woman and am comfy with that. personally, girlhood and womanhood are an important part of my artistic vision and practice as that experience has its own lessons and experiences that i wouldn’t trade for the world. however, i think the (what seemed to me when i was little) lack of societal pressure from the helicopter of culture for boys was something i was for sure envious of. as i grew up, i realized men and boys have plenty of their own societal pressures to reject or succumb to. i have two younger brothers and the novelty of boyhood sort of wore off for me as i watch them grow up. but there’s still a piece of young me that longs for the potential of earnestness in young male friendships and adventure. i think it would also be cool to walk around at night with headphones on in a lot of places.
Jun 28, 2024
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We have cared for our siblings and family, but when does the line in the sand begin to blur? I have grown into my 32 year old self quite well (with some scrapes, bruises and the occasional tantrum along the way) and as I form relationships I seem to hear the same phrase over and over,
"oh, you're so maternal!"
"you give off this motherly energy i feel so safe"
it that pisses me off every time
I know I am kind and patient and a good listener but that doesn't feel sexy, exciting, or mysterious; because I am those things as well.
I find it to be a curse I can’t seem to break no matter the amount of tattoos, piercings and hair color changes I get. It's something in me I appreciate and something I can’t help but question if I would have developed naturally had I not had this role assigned at birth.
The eldest daughters in a lot of POC households tend to end up in the role of mother and it comes so “naturally” but how do we honor it and in that same breath not let it define us? Do I want to be a mother because of the responsibilities put upon me indoctrinated me into thinking I would be good at it (I absolutely would) ? Or can I live my days as a spinster, knowing that I would make an excellent mother, and that knowledge would be enough.
I find it to be a curse I can’t seem to break no matter the amount of tattoos, piercings and hair color changes I get. It's something in me I appreciate and something I can’t help but question if I would have developed naturally had I not had this role assigned at birth.
The eldest daughters in a lot of POC households tend to end up in the role of mother and it comes so “naturally” but how do we honor it and in that same breath not let it define us? Do I want to be a mother because of the responsibilities put upon me indoctrinated me into thinking I would be good at it (I absolutely would) ? Or can I live my days as a spinster, knowing that I would make an excellent mother, and that knowledge would be enough.
Mar 13, 2025
