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Late night ramblings; please scroll along if youāre looking for a little paragraph.
My career is veryā¦forward facing and focused on being āthe guy,ā as in the one in charge. The face. The frontrunner. So Iāve spent years of my life learning to be the best version of āthe guyā as possible. And Iāve gotten really, really good.
But itās exhausting. Like absolutely tiring. And itās not tiring because itās work, itās tiring because itās something Iāve had to force myself to learn to do well. Regardless of how good I am at it (remember: really, really good) it just isnāt my natural gifting to be āthe guy.ā And so I decided to become āthe guy behind the guy.ā In my world we jokingly call that role #2.
Turns out Iām an incredible #2. Like absolutely spectacularly the best #2 Iāve ever seen, objectively. Iām the best second-in-command person for this role ever. Bar none. And itās not because itās something I had to learn to do, itās because this is just who I am, how Iām hardwired, and what I was born to do.
Itās become clear to me that you can do something really well and still have it kill you. I think if I kept trying for #1 Iād eventually arrive at the place where I could be it, but it would slowly and surely begin to destroy me. The constant need to be at the forefront would be too much. Iāve been told in a party setting, I might not be the guy at the center telling the story (although I can be, and I can tell that story excellently) but I am definitely the person who made that whole party happen in the first place. Iām behind the scenes. Iām the strategist. The planner and the executer. And for some that seems like a bad thing, being the person who always makes the things happen so someone else can shine. But for me it feels like exactly what I was meant to do.
When I first realized this, I thought I was a failure. Like how could I not want to be #1? How could I feel like #2 was as far as I needed to go? Wouldnāt it be disappointing to always be subservient to someone else? Wouldnāt it be embarrassing to never become #1? ā No. Not at all. Because whether I like it or not, I am not meant to be #1, at least not in this role. Iām making it clear to myself and everyone around me that I am the best #2 in existence.
Be who you are, not who you think you should be or who youāre expected to be. Be true to that and thrive in the freedom that comes with the revelation that you might have been destined to do something else, something maybe even better. Release yourself of the weight of expectations and instead lean into the idea that to operate in your āgiftingā is to be free and weightless and fulfilled. Be the best person you can be, whether #1 or #2 or #7 or #19 or #33 ā walk in that confidently. You might have been born (or destined or chosen or karmically moved) to do this.
Jun 8, 2024
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Iāve been known to gas myself up. Iāll walk into a room and announce that I love my outfit for the day. Iāll show someone a spreadsheet that I made and say that Iām in awe of my brain for having such a good idea and bringing it to fruition. And I can assure you that Iām laughing at every single one of my jokes.
Itās obvious how loving yourself and having confidence improves how you feel overall. We know this, we understand this. What I want to talk about is the lesser known impacts of believing in yourself, which is how the rest of the world interacts with you when you carry yourself with unshakable confidence.
On the surface, how do other people react when Iām giving myself a gold star? They giggle, sometimes they may roll their eyes.
On a deeper level, when you truly walk through the world knowing that you are that bitch, it creates an inexplicable magnetism. People notice you in a different way. Take a compliment on an outfit, for example. I wear cute clothes, but so do a lot of people. When someone compliments my outfit, what they are often actually drawn to is that they can tell that EYE feel amazing wearing my outfit.
I love job interviews. People find this shocking and confusing, but theyāre going about interviews all wrong. Iām not trying to sell myself, sound like I know what Iām talking about, convince someone to hire me, none of this nonsense. Iām excited to talk about my previous work and skills that Iām so proud of and how amazing I am. I donāt have to tell them how valuable I am, how lucky they would be to have me- the way I believe in myself conveys it.
As mother (RuPaul) says, āif you donāt love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?ā We always talk about treating other people in the way that you want to be treated, but that starts with you. Are you nice to yourself? Do you love yourself? Are you the only girl in the world? If you canāt show up for yourself in these ways, itās going to limit your capacity to show up for others.
We donāt have to pretend like this is possible every moment of every day. Most days, it feels like everything in our environment is trying to tear us down constantly (especially women!) and sometimes its all too much. Sometimes you just wake up and itās just not your day. These things happens. Good news- you can try again tomorrow.
Worried about being labeled as delusional? Youāre not- you are the baddest bitch in the room. Labeled as extra? Good. Take up as much space as you see fit. Vain? Thatās fine. Some people canāt see whatās beyond the surface; the 700th selfie I put on IG has much less to do with liking my face and much more to do with feeling beautiful in my soul.
Itās hard to put into words. But when you believe in yourself, people notice. They wonāt be able to put their finger on it, thereās just something about you that stands out. It comes through in our body language, our micro-behaviors, and the wavelengths and vibrations we canāt see and feel.
Try it out. Lie to yourself until you believe it.
Then, watch the world start to fall at your feet.
Aug 27, 2024
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It's funny isn't it, how often we compare ourselves to others when we are looking up and forward. Which is something I think you might be doing, looking forward instead of constantly looking back.
To preface I don't know you enough to make any assumption or tell you what to do, but this could be something you can fall back to that's in the back of your head whenever you feel this way!
Enjoy the little things! I doubt telling you not to feel this way or keep telling yourself you're awesome would work because they never worked on me, so just enjoy the little moments in life that makes you -- if not smile -- smirk a bit. You saw something that reminds you of a fond memory, you did something new that is small yet unique to you? celebrate those moments because those moments are what makes you inherently you.
Someone here also said familiarity of yourself can be a way making you feel lame, but isn't that also such a gift because you are so in tune with yourself? You know what you're doing even if you think they are nothing comparing to others.
And ultimately, maybe this could be a starting point for you to create/try/ experiment things too! If you think of yourself so far back already, what's to loose for you to break the status quo? right? Be the dryer sheet that could cause fire and burn down the entire house or something hehe. And if it goes to shit we just won't tell anybody about it. HA!
To quote what I've seen somewhere during my lowest low during the pandemic-
"There is no one like you, there has never been anyone like you, and there will never be anyone like you. Therefore, be yourself" beep boop bop beep boop
Feb 22, 2024
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I always felt alienated from people for not quite fitting in and all I ever wanted was to be normal. My therapist told me that thereās no such thing and that I shouldnāt compare myself to other people in that way because no two people have the same experiences, which felt like condescending gaslighting to me at the time but Iāve come to believe she was right.
InsteadĀ ofĀ chasingĀ unattainable normalcy,Ā IāveĀ startedĀ toĀ seeĀ myselfĀ asĀ extraordinaryāoutĀ ofĀ theĀ ordinary.Ā ItāsĀ empoweringĀ toĀ embraceĀ myĀ idiosyncratic natureĀ andĀ recognizeĀ thatĀ myĀ peculiarities areĀ whatĀ makeĀ meĀ unique.Ā SoĀ ifĀ youāveĀ everĀ feltĀ outĀ ofĀ place,Ā remember:Ā beingĀ extraordinaryĀ meansĀ youāreĀ livingĀ aĀ lifeĀ thatĀ onlyĀ youĀ canĀ live š„¹
Oct 21, 2024
Top Recs from @marianoleonczik
florinegrassenhopper riotgrrrl brendanooooo slowdazzle buck_mcgraw and indianjones ā we did it. Not only did we successfully meet for drinks, but we also schemed the hostile takeover of this app from tyler tonight.
In all seriousness ā weird that an app I downloaded in April would make genuinely want to drive back into Brooklyn during end of day traffic for a happy hour. Great app filled with great people.
Jul 20, 2024
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I feel like thereās a special connectivity on this app that I havenāt felt in a long time, maybe since early 2010ās tumblr. The fact that you canāt promote yourself like IG is wonderful. The fact that there isnāt mass video content like Tik Tok is great. Itās not this monetized / paid sponsorship app. People are here because they want to be a part of something with nothing to gain besides friendship. Seeing the URL -> IRL meetups warms my heart so much (waiting for an NYC or Brooklyn meetup).
Thanks for your participation on this niche little app. I smile reading all the recs and all the comments and all the asks. Hope weāll all be here for a long time.
Jun 15, 2024
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I think a life rule for me is to surround myself with people who know more / are smarter / are cooler than me and just absorb their aura by listening / observing them. Itās made me the incredibly smart / cool person you all know and love.
I just never thought Iād feel the same way about URL friends. Iām constantly listening to the songs I see posted here, reading the articles, subbing to newsletters, and googling topics that get tossed onto the feed.
Itās nice to know you can become a more rounded person by just absorbing what your mutuals post on here. Iām going to sit on my couch, have a cocktail and digest my lovely feed. Happy Sunday!
Sep 15, 2024