What I mean by this is, it is very important to communicate your needs and make your boundaries clear. You did mention you've tried it all, which leads me to believe that your mother is unwilling to listen. Sometimes people, for whatever reason, can't see past their own mental models for the world and are unable to extend empathy (yes, even to their own children). For your own mental health and well-being, as well as that of your daughter's, it might be best to limit contact. Or state clearly that communication will be limited if her behavior continues. You are in no way wrong for how you feel, it is a terrible feeling to be under a constant microscope. People may have good intentions with their advice, but they must understand that there is a distinction between care and micromanaging. One is sweet, while the latter is extremely harmful. It can foster mistrust in relationships, resentment, and can even lead to personal feelings of doubt, lack of self-assurance, and low self-esteem (i speak from exepereince). Constant degredation is extremely harmful for the mind; i am sorry that you are facing this difficult situation, but i hope you choose to do what will make you most happy and will be kinder for your heart.
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if you’re person with anxiety like me or a person who experiences misogyny (also me) then chances are you could always get a little meaner when it comes to asking acceptable behaviour of others. looking back on times when, in the moment, i was worried that i was being too harsh by telling people how they can treat me, retrospectively i have almost never ever in my life felt i did the wrong thing. realizing this has made standing up for myself 10x easier every time i find myself needing to. showing others grace is not incompatible with showing up for yourself, in fact, one necessitates the other!
Mar 14, 2024
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What you allow in your life (ie poor behavior, bigotry, inconsideration, etc.),
you‘re subconsciously saying this behavior is ok. I know, I know. ”But what does it say about me if I am not accepting of others?”
In the grand scheme, you’re saying “I’m ok with people treating those I care about like shit.“
This is a hard one to learn. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, that same benefit of the doubt is enabling flat out shitty people to keep being shitty people.
So what do you do? You want to make sure everyone feels cared for? Start with yourself. The next time that one friend who says everything that’s on their mind hurts your feelings, tell them. watch How they react. Watch if they do it again. And decide from there. Because at the end of the day, you aren‘t obligated to keep people in your life, whatever the reason.
Jan 29, 2025
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In my opinion, the key to being a bitch is being respectful.
Now the way you apply this is you need to respect yourself and others. As long as you use common sense and let others know what is bothering/ not working/ inconvenient to you in a way that is not meant to hurt anyone simply communicating clearly and explaining (I understand that this might be controversial -you don't owe anyone explanations but it is a relationship that you care about and would like to keep putting the effort of communicating your reasons seems reasonable to me-
If this does not work, it is time to walk away. No drama or bad blood, keep a cold yet polite (it works especially if you are overly polite) distance.
This approach mitigates the fear of not people please because you are doing NOTHING wrong.
Jul 22, 2024
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maybe that sounds a little annoying, but i used to wait around for a surge of manic energy to hit me in order to find the motivation to get out of bed and do things. these days, i try to remind myself that i matter, and if i care about myself then i should do things for my mind and body that are fulfilling. this isn’t perfect, and there are definitely still bad days. but you owe it to yourself to try, i hope things get easier :)
May 6, 2024
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the scenery is so beautiful, and it reaffirms my fear of living in a small rural town
Aug 1, 2024