Rec | FEEL COMPLETE

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Rec'd on 🎧 how does one get over a crippling aversion to being perceived??

Honestly, for me, what helped was finally liking the way I perceive myself. When I feel complete, it's easier ignoring other people's perception, and actually start perceiving the world. When you feel confident about yourself it stops being about you, your brain is not focused on your looks anymore. Going out in public finally morphs to just seeing the world and admiring its beauty. Instead of the brain going “me ugly, people hate me” it goes more like “me fine, world nice”. Find what makes you feel complete.

@maryannemartinn

Apr 23, 2024

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ignoring other people’s opinions on your appearance

I’ve been in the same boat. Since I was 13 I became really self conscious of my appearance, mainly due to other people’s comments, and then that was exacerbated from 16-18 during college because people got meaner for some reason. I felt terrible, and the lockdowns unexpectedly saved me as it gave me a break from all those people. It made me realise I should only stick with people who like me for who I am, not how I look. Then ignore all those comments and ignore those people, make them feel awkward for saying those things if they do. Even if people aren’t saying comments, just think less of what others think of you. You are what you are, don’t try to change your appearance just to please people who might not care much about you in the first place. Don’t let your appearance bring you down, ignore those annoying flaws and be more confident to outshine any imperfections you think you might have. Don’t be afraid to do things you enjoy and spend time with new people. Ofc others may have different advice as my problems are either impossible to change or very difficult to, so I’ve learned to be content with how my body is, and just play with the hand I’ve been dealt (which unfortunately means I’m not perfect at this and for instance still wear more clothes than others during the summer). But I’m generally very happy now with lots of good friends who like me for who I am.

@sniffle

Jan 25, 2025

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it’s how you carry yourself, not how you look

I realized a few years ago that my desire and attempts to look a certain way were failing. It wasn’t realistic, and it was making me feel inauthentic, empty, and unhappy. Cameras capture every thing, so it’s easy to dwell on imperfections. But that’s not how people experience you. It’s not how others think about you or see you. Imagine how critical you are of yourself and imagine someone else being that critical of another person. You’d think there’s something wrong with them! Who focuses on a person’s looks that much! Get a life you misery! That’s how we treat ourselves. There’s an epidemic happening where everyone wants and is going out and getting the same face. The same body. It’s so boring. Your “flaws”—as society has taught you to think about them—are not flaws. They make you unique. Memorable. They make you beautiful. To love yourself is active resistance in an economy fueled by obsession over flaws and unhappiness. One of the actors in White Lotus, Aimee Lou Woods has some objectively flawed teeth. But that’s what makes her so unique, so special. So cute! They make her attractive because she’s unapologetic about them. Embracing my big goofy smile and big ears and crinkled crows feet makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. That feeling is so powerful. It spreads to other parts of your life and attracts people to you. It’s how you carry yourself, how you move in the world, engage with other people— not how you look.

@Shadowbeni

Mar 29, 2025

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You are only mundane to yourself because you are so familiar— to everyone else you are new

Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way— that’s really crummy, and I’m sure that once you feel that way everything feels like confirmation of being unspecial. But in a very very real way, you might be bored with yourself because you know yourself so well— other people don’t know you. You could walk into a bar or a cafe or an event and you would be new to at least one person there. If you feel like you aren’t interesting conversationally, are you a good listener? In a very honest way, the people I’ve found hottest and most intriguing are always good listeners, and people who are quiet and incisive. It’s okay if you don’t talk on and on; a lot of “interesting” people are just filling space with noise. Noise is always briefly exciting or interesting, but that doesn’t mean it has substance or adds value. Trust me on this, I’m a performer and frankly so many nights I’m just making noise. So first piece of advice is, approach yourself as if you were a stranger— look at everything about you like you’ve never ever seen it before, and start to notice what you like. Then build on those things. Like, it’s okay if you hate your clothes, but do you have one jacket/shirt/earring that you love? Wear that so much, and slowly look out for pieces that make you feel like the thing you love— it’s okay if it takes time, the outfits that make me feel dynamic are all cobbled together from stuff I found over years. Then look at other people, what do you find interesting about them? I am a knockoff of every woman I ever thought was cool— my summer camp counselor, my gender studies TA from my first year of college, my mom, and literally everyone else. That’s okay though, mimicking what you like is a way of developing your taste, and you will put yourself together in a way that’s a little different and totally your own. It’s okay if it takes time— sometimes we have seasons where we don’t like ourselves a ton, but they do pass, and who you will be in a year is a brand new person— you haven’t met them yet, and you might love them. Tiny practical advice? Go for walks; it’s good for your body, it releases endorphins, and it gives you a chance to people watch/observe nature. Read something small; it can be a single poem, or an essay, or a children’s book— I love Howl’s Moving Castle and if I’m feeling stuck in a rut I read that, even though it’s a children’s book. If reading isn’t your thing watch a movie or a TV episode, but whatever you consume, watch it and take notes, like you‘re a secret critic— note what you liked, whether it’s costumes or language or the vibe, and what you didn’t, and then you can find more things like it— that’s how you develop your own taste, and it’s a good way to develop language around art and media. All critics and essayists and everyone whose job is to write interestingly about art started with shit they liked in middle school, and built on that to find their own language— you can do that too. Sorry for the hugely long post, but I promise that you are more interesting than you give yourself credit for, and there are people in the world who will see that.