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2020 article analyzing the UX, ethics, and psychology of The Apps™️. Sharlene Gandhi of AOGA Eye on Design meditates upon the troubling amount of data these apps collect on us and how said data is being used, unconscious biases and algorithmic designs that influence how we use The Apps ™️, and the rise of the "Responsible Dating App." The idea that jumped out to me in this article was the music based data app. The app matches you based on your Spotify and Apple Music listening history because, as the founder of the app Mohil Sheth states, there's a problem with people lying on their profiles but it's hard to fake music data because "you wouldn't listen to songs you don't like."
This article made me wonder if the best thing to do is to get off The Apps ™️ all together--I've personally only used Bumble for about 5 hours and then swiftly deleted it--because of the facade of interaction they provide. they make you THINK that you meeting all these people and having all these great conversations and improving your dating life when in reality you aren't putting yourself out there and developing social skills. but at the same time, I understand why people use them; rejection is easier to take from behind a screen, you have the perception of more opportunity for connection, and you can highly curate your appearance. It also made me wonder if it's even possible to have a "Responsible Dating App"...to me the term feels contradictory.
Mar 3, 2024
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Like someone else said, one of the best, most freeing things is to leave the dating apps behind especially if you struggle with self esteem. I know people who have found amazing relationships from dating apps, but as a whole I believe they have done a great job at commoditizing romance and making interactions transactional; they want you to pay more money to keep swiping until your thumbs hurt. Combine that with the fact that all the major dating apps are owned by either Match Group or Bumble, data privacy concerns, and you now have an industry that treats dating like a mobile gacha game. Dating felt fun and natural for me the minute I left the apps behind. This is just my 2 cents, so take it with a grain of salt. Maybe they work for you, if so, more power to you!
Jan 21, 2025
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Reading through these answers is brutal but here’s my interpretation of dating apps:
the longest seriously relationship I have ever been and still am in is from a dating app. they are not engineered to be built for short term use because they lose their value fast if people end up in successful relationships as a result. They’re not designed as a means to an end. they are a time and sometimes money suck and can hollow out the social interactions
However
They are the most easily accessible option and if you choose to explore that path, being as intentional as possible when curating your profile is important. Sounds sleazy but these apps encourage people to develop a personal brand or become product like, you have to “sell” yourself to demonstrate that you are a good fit for partnership. There’s probably good people out there who are well intentioned who want to find someone
I would advise (if you do it) to be specific about what you are looking for, what you like to do for fun, hobbies, and the right people will come if you have shared values. Or just have a profile with a profile pic and no bio and talk your way into things like I did
avoid: laundry lists of what turns you on/off, anything that feels inauthentic, such things
Apr 12, 2024
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I’ll be candid here. I hate the dating app. I hate myself when I use the dating app. I hate the cutesy little prompts, I hate MARKETING myself. I hate the people on the dating apps, and I hate myself even more for hating these people, because they’re probably good people just looking for connection just like me. “Just like me.” How disgusting. Just acknowledging that right there fills me up with this acid reflux bile that I can’t shake. The dating app is inherently antisocial. I don’t care that it’s the norm now, that doesn’t magically make it prosocial. You know what else is a norm right now? Mass insemination of cattle via automated semen guns shooting frozen seed into these poor cows that have never seen the light of day, that can’t begin to fathom the complex constructed around shooting frozen seed into their cow uteruses so they can give birth to calves that they will never nurse. Taking those calves & chaining them to the ground from the moment they’re born so their meat is tender when they are turned into veal.
20 years ago the idea of meeting people on the internet was rightfully scorned as the pursuit of perverts & malcontents. The ”match” system, trying to offload the pain of rejection to this incredibly diffuse open market where you only get feedback if it’s positive. It’s all so cowardly. Christ, theyre selling us an analgesic for our cowardice. And I don’t know, I think if you’re going to pursue someone, really go after them, you have to abandon your pride, your shame, and the things that turn you yellow. Yeah yeah you start talking and dating and then eventually you have to do the actually important and courageous thing and open yourself up to someone else or whatever. Don’t care, the set-up bothers me on a spiritual level.
So anyway, I just got back on the apps this week. I really think it’s gonna go down different this time.
Feb 27, 2025
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read from 2021 abt modern counterculture, rejecting tech overlords, and the dark forests of the internet
"To be truly countercultural today, in a time of tech hegemony, one has to, above all, betray the platform, which may come in the form of betraying or divesting from your public online self.”
Feb 20, 2024
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well-written article analyzing cronenburg's films and contrasting them with today's sexual politics and lack of eroticism.
passage i enjoyed: In fact, we are not impermeable packages of preformed desires, importing our likes and dislikes around with us from one encounter to the next like papers in a briefcase. An erotic craving is inextricable from the ferment that foams up when oneself is sluiced into another. Not only is it impossible for us to know whether an encounter will be deflating or transformative but we cannot know what sort of metamorphosis will ensue if the sex is as jarring as we can only hope it will be.
Feb 19, 2024
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and marvel at the progress you've made. im reading my old journal entries and i was actually a mess, but i've grown so much in a year :) always love and appreciate your old self because she's still within you
Apr 2, 2024