Rec
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The dullness of the everyday march toward death is spruced up quite a bit with a little BDSM. Or if you’re me, a total power exchange. Benefits I have received from practicing this for 10+ years:
- Reduced anxiety - Feeling of childhood traumas being healed (neither of my parents love me lol so having both a husband and an Owner/Dominant to recreate that 2-parent-esque love & protection & constructive discipline I should’ve received as a kid but didn’t has really helped me more than therapy or medication ever could) - Feeling gorgeous I mean come on - Intellectual/psychological stimulation of the highest order, brain on fire - Increased creativity - Decreased desire to die - Fun feeling like you have a little secret - Connection with another human that is both pure safety and pure danger & god that’s delicious - A feeling of purpose, freedom, letting go, trusting, and never being let down - Fun accessories
Caveats: - Requires months if not years to build trust - This ain’t some 50 Shades bullshit, don’t let anyone stalk you or disrespect your boundaries without consent - Safety is going to be extremely important - Do not do this with anyone who hasn’t done the workshopping or training to be sure they aren’t harming you psychologically and/or physically on a permanent basis - Trust no one until they prove they’re trustworthy - Dominant partners have limits and need aftercare, too. Do not assume that just because someone identifies as mostly dominant that they have no feelings and are up for anything - Ask someone who has been in the community for a long while for advice or vetting (I am always happy to help protect anyone from harm) - Do not underestimate the number of untrustworthy people who say they have experience in this, but turn out to be complete frauds who just want to abuse you and hurt you and take zero responsibility - Hotbed of traumatized, unhealed people. Proceed with caution. There are places to find genuine, lovely folks. At the end of the day this should be fun For all parties involved
- Reduced anxiety - Feeling of childhood traumas being healed (neither of my parents love me lol so having both a husband and an Owner/Dominant to recreate that 2-parent-esque love & protection & constructive discipline I should’ve received as a kid but didn’t has really helped me more than therapy or medication ever could) - Feeling gorgeous I mean come on - Intellectual/psychological stimulation of the highest order, brain on fire - Increased creativity - Decreased desire to die - Fun feeling like you have a little secret - Connection with another human that is both pure safety and pure danger & god that’s delicious - A feeling of purpose, freedom, letting go, trusting, and never being let down - Fun accessories
Caveats: - Requires months if not years to build trust - This ain’t some 50 Shades bullshit, don’t let anyone stalk you or disrespect your boundaries without consent - Safety is going to be extremely important - Do not do this with anyone who hasn’t done the workshopping or training to be sure they aren’t harming you psychologically and/or physically on a permanent basis - Trust no one until they prove they’re trustworthy - Dominant partners have limits and need aftercare, too. Do not assume that just because someone identifies as mostly dominant that they have no feelings and are up for anything - Ask someone who has been in the community for a long while for advice or vetting (I am always happy to help protect anyone from harm) - Do not underestimate the number of untrustworthy people who say they have experience in this, but turn out to be complete frauds who just want to abuse you and hurt you and take zero responsibility - Hotbed of traumatized, unhealed people. Proceed with caution. There are places to find genuine, lovely folks. At the end of the day this should be fun For all parties involved
Jan 26, 2024
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Rec
🧍A little personal, but being non-binary, I grew up very dissociated from my body and my time, so I don’t remember a good chunk of my formative years and have retained none of my hobbies. Recently tho, I have been trying to piece myself back together, so I have been spending a lot of time on my own. Another thing about me is that I have crushes everywhere I go, so I spend a lot of time loving others. After breaking-up with an ex that made me feel very neglected qnd unappreciated, I decided that I was going to give myself as much love and attention as I give my crushes and lovers. This has changed me.
I just let myself feel my feelings and get carried away by them. I get myself little treats and flowers, I get myself little treats and gifts. I organize little fun dates/plans for myself where I engage in new hobbies. Small manageable things that don’t feel too overwhelming to learn, like decorating Altoids tins with collage or journaling. By letting myself navigate the world through my feelings, I’ve discovered what I like, dislike, and developed little rituals and habits that I can then tell other about and share.
Social media has helped me that way, surprisingly. I treat my instagram like a scrap book and use it to document my feelings with shitposts and photos; the visual story telling makes me appreciate the little things. Pinterest allows me to collect things I like and develop a taste with no effort and no consequences, and I end up with huge pin boards full of pictures and art I love and that make me feel particular things I can name and explore. This app has been good for that too.
It takes time, love, self-compassion, and trust. Trust that the love others give you is legitimate. Trust that you are liked for a genuine reason. Trust that the mundane is magical by itself, love it for that. Trust that you don’t need to be special to be worthy of love, you can just be a person and that’s really cool <3
I just let myself feel my feelings and get carried away by them. I get myself little treats and flowers, I get myself little treats and gifts. I organize little fun dates/plans for myself where I engage in new hobbies. Small manageable things that don’t feel too overwhelming to learn, like decorating Altoids tins with collage or journaling. By letting myself navigate the world through my feelings, I’ve discovered what I like, dislike, and developed little rituals and habits that I can then tell other about and share.
Social media has helped me that way, surprisingly. I treat my instagram like a scrap book and use it to document my feelings with shitposts and photos; the visual story telling makes me appreciate the little things. Pinterest allows me to collect things I like and develop a taste with no effort and no consequences, and I end up with huge pin boards full of pictures and art I love and that make me feel particular things I can name and explore. This app has been good for that too.
It takes time, love, self-compassion, and trust. Trust that the love others give you is legitimate. Trust that you are liked for a genuine reason. Trust that the mundane is magical by itself, love it for that. Trust that you don’t need to be special to be worthy of love, you can just be a person and that’s really cool <3
Rec
💪This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me: - Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever. - On a related note, therapy was very needed! - Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app. - Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Some of the (many) things that worked for me: - Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever. - On a related note, therapy was very needed! - Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app. - Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
Rec
😃I fear that the anxious attachers (myself) who are deeply devoted to doing inner work to embrace a more level-headed presence and invitation, want so badly to empathize and understand their partners’ (avoidant) tendencies. Not to villainize them, and not to negate their own emotional experience but to understand that conscious (even karmic opposite attachment relationships) activate these wounds for deeper reasons than maybe we can comprehend.
The hardest part is knowing that you’re putting into the emotional energy economy, making your counterpart aware of this, and that they are also aware of what needs to change but are in a stalemate frozen with fear of failing, or being imperfect or letting the connection deepen into deeply devoted unveiled love. That is the complexity because love exists very clearly, softly, silly’ly and perhaps often, inconsistently, so it’s difficult to know when to keep grasping for more, and letting them open up to their own journey and walking, maybe even guiding them alongside of the emotional healing because we know what it’s like to be tortured of our emotional hearts and vulnerability.
I’m 25, almost 26 and this is the most conscious partnership I’ve ever been in, but we are constantly doing healing work, having difficult conversations, feeling tension, love, expansion, connection and shared wisdom and warmth, and many things on the internet or in books tell you to walk away from it even if it sometimes gives you what you want, but for me I just don’t know if I’m at that space yet.
I want to watch him heal, and I want to heal more of myself, even if I’ve already done so much work. Like I want someone integrating their shadows into the light with me, because I’m not a surface-level human, this digging and re-planting, death and rebirth. Is this what relationships are about or do people like me (anxious attacher’s) just stay longer because their hearts are more open, hopeful and wishing?
The hardest part is knowing that you’re putting into the emotional energy economy, making your counterpart aware of this, and that they are also aware of what needs to change but are in a stalemate frozen with fear of failing, or being imperfect or letting the connection deepen into deeply devoted unveiled love. That is the complexity because love exists very clearly, softly, silly’ly and perhaps often, inconsistently, so it’s difficult to know when to keep grasping for more, and letting them open up to their own journey and walking, maybe even guiding them alongside of the emotional healing because we know what it’s like to be tortured of our emotional hearts and vulnerability.
I’m 25, almost 26 and this is the most conscious partnership I’ve ever been in, but we are constantly doing healing work, having difficult conversations, feeling tension, love, expansion, connection and shared wisdom and warmth, and many things on the internet or in books tell you to walk away from it even if it sometimes gives you what you want, but for me I just don’t know if I’m at that space yet.
I want to watch him heal, and I want to heal more of myself, even if I’ve already done so much work. Like I want someone integrating their shadows into the light with me, because I’m not a surface-level human, this digging and re-planting, death and rebirth. Is this what relationships are about or do people like me (anxious attacher’s) just stay longer because their hearts are more open, hopeful and wishing?
Jun 23, 2025
Top Recs from @ashleynoelleedwards
Jan 27, 2024
Rec
🧸I would honestly hire a witch off of Etsy & do one of those cord cutting spells. I’ve thought about doing this before. Idk if it works, but I would at least try b/c it wouldn’t probably hurt.
Sorry for what you’re going through. Not cringe at all. It happens when you care. It’s a lovely quality to care about others.
Jan 27, 2024
Rec
Takes a nice little picture is why. Adds some good energy to your otherwise typical picture. Do it at night in a dark room with a few twinkle lights & a candle.
Jan 24, 2024