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⛲
i am feeling sick and little loopy today but i wrote another substack about finding knowing outside of oneself and embracing mystery. i connected it to rotting in the sun (2023) and still have a lot of thoughts on this topic so i may go back and edit it. would love if any fellow writers or readers might let me know some thoughts:)
2d ago
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💡2am thoughts so don’t mind me but as u can see i’ve been ruminating on reading and writing a lot as of late. i’m happy trying to make a name for myself as a visual artist but i’ve always joked in another life i was a novelist or poet…
i’ve still been posting on my poetry substack and that took the edge off but i realize i need more. i cringed at my old wattpad earlier in the week. i looked over my google docs of a story i wanted to write in college then abandoned bc i lost hope and steam.
i'm not getting any younger so i'm just gonna commit. i have two little fiction things that i've been toying around with for years that i’ve decided i'm going to take more seriously. who knows if ill do anything with them…i used to put too much pressure on myself when it came to fictional endeavors anyway. i just need an outlet. my brain and heart might just burst.
i’ve still been posting on my poetry substack and that took the edge off but i realize i need more. i cringed at my old wattpad earlier in the week. i looked over my google docs of a story i wanted to write in college then abandoned bc i lost hope and steam.
i'm not getting any younger so i'm just gonna commit. i have two little fiction things that i've been toying around with for years that i’ve decided i'm going to take more seriously. who knows if ill do anything with them…i used to put too much pressure on myself when it came to fictional endeavors anyway. i just need an outlet. my brain and heart might just burst.
Jun 18, 2025
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✒️there is something deeply cleansing about writing in the midst of a psychotic episode. ripping at the frayed seams of my brain feels generative. it is generative—something is created.
tips if you are interested in trying this: 1. do not reread as you go. that is something called ruminating and it is not the same as writing. 2. learn to identify what can be rehabilitated and what should be gratefully acknowledged and then discarded. don’t force your thoughts to stand the test of time. 3. do not write within the horrors if it can be avoided. let them stay beside you. they can watch and listen as you reach for something more. 4. remember to eat periodically. 5. you don’t have to polish to a shine before sharing unless you want to. but know that you are not holding a masterpiece. that is fine. you are holding something, and it fits within your palms.
tips if you are interested in trying this: 1. do not reread as you go. that is something called ruminating and it is not the same as writing. 2. learn to identify what can be rehabilitated and what should be gratefully acknowledged and then discarded. don’t force your thoughts to stand the test of time. 3. do not write within the horrors if it can be avoided. let them stay beside you. they can watch and listen as you reach for something more. 4. remember to eat periodically. 5. you don’t have to polish to a shine before sharing unless you want to. but know that you are not holding a masterpiece. that is fine. you are holding something, and it fits within your palms.
Rec
Wring out your half-baked ideas, publicly when possible.
Write it even though it’s not your desired style.
Finish the bad stuff—especially the bad stuff—experience your own bad taste firsthand. Exorcise the demons.
Write it even though it’s not your desired style.
Finish the bad stuff—especially the bad stuff—experience your own bad taste firsthand. Exorcise the demons.
Feb 21, 2024
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chicago hang success !! it was so lovely to meet everyone today <3 more plans incoming soon 📥mossyelfiejoe_m_millerbashfulchicken
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🌀my sister just had a baby and i am considering the type of aunt?/guncle ? (the designation becomes tricky w gender lol) i may be. but ultimately the archetype of “cool aunt”—mysterious, distant-yet-warm, uninvolved in family dramas, arrives at family gatherings wearing strange, somehow stylish clothes, bearing copious gifts and floating on an air of urban life—resonates most soundly with me
this has also led me to reflect on how my mom’s sister played such a key role in my youth by revealing to me a foundational truth that this is not all that there is! ‘twas a very hopeful message to me, a miserable child/teen unsuited to christian suburban life, forced to procure my wardrobe primarily from the women’s section at the department store because that is what my mother deemed reasonable (and kohl’s cash)
some of the notable moments my aunt bestowed upon my adolescence include:
• taking me to see moonrise kingdom at the indie art deco theater in a nearby mountain town • driving me to philly for shows at tla even though she had no idea who the artists were and would stand in the back; also paying for all my meals and whims on our south street jaunts • curating a collection of signed books from author visits at her local library, which she’d always drop off nonchalantly as gifts (charles santore picture books, lemony snicket !) • signing me up for 5ks and carting me along to her races • explaining to me what a “lesbian” is and taking me to meet said lesbians in a dimly lit new york restaurant where i tried alligator sausage and felt so urbane • general trips to ny for broadway shows and museums • introducing me to rummikub • letting me roam free at community music festivals from late afternoon til dusk, where i’d encounter children from different counties, get in harmless trouble and infuse my life with the intrigue of those unknown to me but in those brief moments
this has also led me to reflect on how my mom’s sister played such a key role in my youth by revealing to me a foundational truth that this is not all that there is! ‘twas a very hopeful message to me, a miserable child/teen unsuited to christian suburban life, forced to procure my wardrobe primarily from the women’s section at the department store because that is what my mother deemed reasonable (and kohl’s cash)
some of the notable moments my aunt bestowed upon my adolescence include:
• taking me to see moonrise kingdom at the indie art deco theater in a nearby mountain town • driving me to philly for shows at tla even though she had no idea who the artists were and would stand in the back; also paying for all my meals and whims on our south street jaunts • curating a collection of signed books from author visits at her local library, which she’d always drop off nonchalantly as gifts (charles santore picture books, lemony snicket !) • signing me up for 5ks and carting me along to her races • explaining to me what a “lesbian” is and taking me to meet said lesbians in a dimly lit new york restaurant where i tried alligator sausage and felt so urbane • general trips to ny for broadway shows and museums • introducing me to rummikub • letting me roam free at community music festivals from late afternoon til dusk, where i’d encounter children from different counties, get in harmless trouble and infuse my life with the intrigue of those unknown to me but in those brief moments
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⛲these landed all at once and i’m feeling tapped into a wellspring of compassion and gratitude