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Rough week... Months, rough months. Decided on a whim to crash w my friend an hour outside the city for a while. I was lucky enough to finish my mural early. First night here and I already feel a good bit better :)
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😃Last year in July, I left my whole life in Paris. My parents cut me off and stopped paying for my flat in the city and I was so depressed about it all. I used to go out a lot, party in the coolest places with my friends whom I adored... I had to leave all of it behind, the glitter and the joy. I moved to a place in the middle of nowhere with my boyfriend, like literally sheeps right behind my house haha. Everything was hard, I had to do physical labor that I never experienced before and I was bored out of my mind.
Connection is not the best here so I had to pick up something to do. I went swimming a lot, I started making pearl bracelets like my mom did in the 70's in the DRC when she was a kid. It felt nice :) We adopted a stray cat and named him plantain in lingala "Makemba", his owner had left him behind. My parents and I made peace, we all grew up...
I'm moving back to Paris to resume law school after years of wandering in the abyss of my future. I'll miss the sheeps, the big tree in out backyard, coloring books and sleeping with the door open. What I thought was the worst punishment of my life grew to become bittersweet memories... Even when everything is shit, something nice can come out of it... I wish I knew that when I was crying cause I didn't want to leave 🐸
Connection is not the best here so I had to pick up something to do. I went swimming a lot, I started making pearl bracelets like my mom did in the 70's in the DRC when she was a kid. It felt nice :) We adopted a stray cat and named him plantain in lingala "Makemba", his owner had left him behind. My parents and I made peace, we all grew up...
I'm moving back to Paris to resume law school after years of wandering in the abyss of my future. I'll miss the sheeps, the big tree in out backyard, coloring books and sleeping with the door open. What I thought was the worst punishment of my life grew to become bittersweet memories... Even when everything is shit, something nice can come out of it... I wish I knew that when I was crying cause I didn't want to leave 🐸
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🩻a weekend back in my hometown did this for me ! upon arrival i was like wow i am doing so well in comparison to how i was when i was living here as a teenager. and after three days i am listening to philadelphia shoegaze with a pit in my stomach and an oppressive sense that i may never leave this place………
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And I mean completely out of cell service with the only option for connection being a 20+ minute drive to town. Just got back from this and feeling REFRESHED.
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In this regard, to what I like to call a funk.
I feel très dookie. Lots of change in my life, and in times of instability I tend to fall off the horse- in a major way. Like many ppl. This past go round I have been excessively hard on myself over my general lacking in… well almost everything. Ive come to the conclusion that there are times you have to give yourself more grace than you’d like to. Maybe the pity party can last a couple more days than usual. I won’t go into details, bc as those of you reading who have dealt with mental health struggles, it can be sort of gross. Sure. There’s a ton I could be doing to put an end to my funk. Make more of an effort to dig myself out of the hole. But, at the end of the day I know I will come out of the funk in my own time. Faking myself out, and convincing myself I’m feeling better serves no one.
Making yourself feel worse over feeling bad in the first place is just wildly counterproductive. Just keep moving forward in time. There’s a lot of it <3
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