Rec
đ
Great advice to manage other people's defensiveness by first acknowledging yours.
"Or taking the example of a colleague whoâs giving you the silent treatment, you could apply the AVA method by taking a few minutes to jot down on paper what youâre feeling before broaching another conversation with them: âIâm feeling pretty confused, as well as a bit disappointed in them and maybe even a little ashamed of myself, although Iâm not sure why (acknowledge). I need to remember that feeling like this is normal and understandable on some level as much as itâs uncomfortable. Someone else in this position would likely feel something pretty similar (validate). I would like to approach this situation with both strength and compassion, so Iâm going to give them a day or two, then send an email asking for a meeting (act on values).â
"Or taking the example of a colleague whoâs giving you the silent treatment, you could apply the AVA method by taking a few minutes to jot down on paper what youâre feeling before broaching another conversation with them: âIâm feeling pretty confused, as well as a bit disappointed in them and maybe even a little ashamed of myself, although Iâm not sure why (acknowledge). I need to remember that feeling like this is normal and understandable on some level as much as itâs uncomfortable. Someone else in this position would likely feel something pretty similar (validate). I would like to approach this situation with both strength and compassion, so Iâm going to give them a day or two, then send an email asking for a meeting (act on values).â
Related Recs
Rec
âĽď¸IDK most thread answers here seem idealistic. Sometimes people know exactly how they are contributing to the conflict and are counting on your grace to bulldoze whatever it is they want to achieve. Don't ever acuse or jump to conclusions but always respectfully lay out their words / behavior back to them and basically let them know that you already know what the fuck is up. Maybe they are doing it somewhat unconsciously, maybe you understand, however an empathetic but straightforward read of what you are seeing and hearing from them reflected back goes a long way. sometimes you even come back stronger
Rec
đŠšThis is what came to mind first:
When you get into conflict with your partner, it is okay to step away to regulate yourself, collect your thoughts, etc. It is not okay to leave the conversation entirely and then never circle back to it to finish.
In previous relationships of mine, it felt like we always were in ongoing conflict. We never actually came to a close of any one conflict, it was just that one or both of us was too tired so we left it and just moved on.
I had a therapist that really drilled into me that arguably one of the most important parts of conflict is the coming together afterwards. Even if you have to get to a space of agree to disagree, making an effort to reconnect in your love for another actually closes the argument and maintains the relationship.
This can also help with the piling on of past conflicts that can happen. â well, you also did this and you always do this.!â if you actually had closed that conflict previously, you wouldnât need to bring it up to get validation for it. That was another rule that I was taught: when you bring something up, be specific and stay in the present moment. That doesnât mean you canât bring up a pattern, but you have to be able to tie that back to a specific action of some kind. Even if you allude to it being a pattern, bring it back to talking about the specific example that you brought up. It just makes things a lot easier, and also helps from making any assaults on somebodyâs character.
When you get into conflict with your partner, it is okay to step away to regulate yourself, collect your thoughts, etc. It is not okay to leave the conversation entirely and then never circle back to it to finish.
In previous relationships of mine, it felt like we always were in ongoing conflict. We never actually came to a close of any one conflict, it was just that one or both of us was too tired so we left it and just moved on.
I had a therapist that really drilled into me that arguably one of the most important parts of conflict is the coming together afterwards. Even if you have to get to a space of agree to disagree, making an effort to reconnect in your love for another actually closes the argument and maintains the relationship.
This can also help with the piling on of past conflicts that can happen. â well, you also did this and you always do this.!â if you actually had closed that conflict previously, you wouldnât need to bring it up to get validation for it. That was another rule that I was taught: when you bring something up, be specific and stay in the present moment. That doesnât mean you canât bring up a pattern, but you have to be able to tie that back to a specific action of some kind. Even if you allude to it being a pattern, bring it back to talking about the specific example that you brought up. It just makes things a lot easier, and also helps from making any assaults on somebodyâs character.
Jan 17, 2025
Rec
âĽď¸As Otis said, 'try a lil tenderness'. It's amazing how much people can soften when you give them attention, affection, and your own calm energy! Sometimes I think people that are prone to yelling is because they have a complex about not being listened to so if you just start off by giving them your undivided attention, it may catch them off guard, but they won't have anywhere to yell really?
When all else fails in and things get heated, always bring people back to the goal. What have we set out to do and how can we make it happen, even with these new problems? Put feelings/who's at fault/frustration aside and treat everything as a creative problem that can be solved with a creative solution. <3
Oct 4, 2024
Top Recs from @sachikom
Rec
Python!
Honestly very hard for me to get into - I have ZERO coding knowledge and nothing I could really latch onto - knowledge transfer is how I learn. But https://futurecoder.io/ is great (after lots of Redditing)
Rec
The puffin is the latest addition to more than 180 known speciesâmany of them sharks, corals, and other marine animalsâthat emit a luminous glow.
The fact that so many marine animals biofluoresce "tells us organisms are using light in ways we don't even see,"Â John Sparks, curator of fishes at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City.
Rec
âď¸I read that happiness is when your expectations falls below the reality. A new mind project for April. Good prognosis.