Rec
IDK most thread answers here seem idealistic. Sometimes people know exactly how they are contributing to the conflict and are counting on your grace to bulldoze whatever it is they want to achieve. Don't ever acuse or jump to conclusions but always respectfully lay out their words / behavior back to them and basically let them know that you already know what the fuck is up. Maybe they are doing it somewhat unconsciously, maybe you understand, however an empathetic but straightforward read of what you are seeing and hearing from them reflected back goes a long way. sometimes you even come back stronger
Oct 8, 2024
Related Recs
Rec
😃i wish people were better at this. big sign of emotional maturity i think is when people are actually capable of this. things happen and if you can’t talk them through what are you meant to do? just let it stew so it gets worse? let it destroy a relationship for no reason? fuck all that. have the conversations so you can reach an understanding. we can’t read eachothers minds man
Jun 10, 2024
Rec
Great advice to manage other people's defensiveness by first acknowledging yours.
"Or taking the example of a colleague who’s giving you the silent treatment, you could apply the AVA method by taking a few minutes to jot down on paper what you’re feeling before broaching another conversation with them: ‘I’m feeling pretty confused, as well as a bit disappointed in them and maybe even a little ashamed of myself, although I’m not sure why (acknowledge). I need to remember that feeling like this is normal and understandable on some level as much as it’s uncomfortable. Someone else in this position would likely feel something pretty similar (validate). I would like to approach this situation with both strength and compassion, so I’m going to give them a day or two, then send an email asking for a meeting (act on values).’
"Or taking the example of a colleague who’s giving you the silent treatment, you could apply the AVA method by taking a few minutes to jot down on paper what you’re feeling before broaching another conversation with them: ‘I’m feeling pretty confused, as well as a bit disappointed in them and maybe even a little ashamed of myself, although I’m not sure why (acknowledge). I need to remember that feeling like this is normal and understandable on some level as much as it’s uncomfortable. Someone else in this position would likely feel something pretty similar (validate). I would like to approach this situation with both strength and compassion, so I’m going to give them a day or two, then send an email asking for a meeting (act on values).’
Jul 17, 2025
Rec
♥️As Otis said, 'try a lil tenderness'. It's amazing how much people can soften when you give them attention, affection, and your own calm energy! Sometimes I think people that are prone to yelling is because they have a complex about not being listened to so if you just start off by giving them your undivided attention, it may catch them off guard, but they won't have anywhere to yell really?
When all else fails in and things get heated, always bring people back to the goal. What have we set out to do and how can we make it happen, even with these new problems? Put feelings/who's at fault/frustration aside and treat everything as a creative problem that can be solved with a creative solution. <3
Oct 4, 2024
Top Recs from @RKELLY
Rec
📲Life is too short to deprive yourself of cool art from your contemporaries.
Rec
A never-ending faulty quest but necessary evolution
Rec
🚶concert? play? Reading? niche movie screening? Rave? Restaurant you want to try? whatever it is, try to wrangle friends if its up their alley (not a pro-antisocial message here) but if it does not work out, take urself! literally worst case scenario absolutely no one gives a fuck best case you make new circumstantial friends. Every one is busy making money and chasing what inspires them to stay here so schedules align once in a blue moon, don’t let that stop you from discovering / enjoying shit.