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I finally posted on substack about the loss of my great grandmother and cats and distance and childhood
My relationship with writing for the past many years has been strained but writing this was very healing and I wanted to share
My relationship with writing for the past many years has been strained but writing this was very healing and I wanted to share
Jul 11, 2025
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always feels so wildly vulnerable, but iâm so grateful for the straightforward invitation to self promote :^) mine is largely essays/poems about grief, aging, and mundanity.
if you check it out, i hope you like it! âĽď¸
Mar 17, 2025
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shameless self-promo for my first substack post after literally rotting for a year....
it isn't the greatest but at least i finally ripped the band-aid off...
reflections on headphones on, the overwhelming restraint and fear of being sad and just stream of consciousness vulnerability...
Apr 29, 2025
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đš(Subrec: retiring the term autofiction)!
Writing about one of the most significant periods of transformation in my life has reminded me of my experiences in EMDR therapy: returning to the moments that shaped meâthe sublime, the horrific, and everything in betweenânot just to relive them, but to recontextualize them. Through this process, I revisit the past, weaving empathy and perspective into old wounds, transforming them into narratives that help me heal rather than haunt me.
Writing this chapter wasnât easy; even after all the personal work Iâve done, I still hadnât fully unpacked much of what I explored here. But in the same way EMDR therapy creates new mental pathways, confessional writing allows me to create new emotional pathways. What once felt overwhelming now feels like part of a larger, layered storyâa story I get to write on my own terms, with dark humor, empathy, and grace.
This chapter is about the seeds of identity, love, and longing being planted in the soil of a viscerally chaotic and often violent childhood, and the thorned rose that breaks forth out of this poisoned soil, delicate and sharp, a reflection of resilience built in tandem with pain.
Not even my closest friends fully understood the depth of my experiences until I opened up to them recently. Sharing this chapter feels like baring my soul in a way thatâs both terrifying and liberating, but after being silent for so long, I believe in the power of raw, confessional storytellingânot just to connect with others, but to heal.
Part 1 introduces the narratorâs restless haze living in her desert hometown one year after high school graduation, working at a twee Wes Anderson-themed restaurant and drifting without direction. A chance encounter with an old acquaintance draws her back into his social circle, sparking a journey into memory. Part 2 delves into the complex history behind this connection, revealing the tangled ties that bind her and the unresolved emotions that shape her path forward.
Iâm so excited to share Part 2, âSeeds Planted,â with you. Itâs layered and deeply personalâanother piece of my journey that Iâm honored to offer to you. Iâm looking forward to hearing how it speaks to you, or how youâve found your own ways of recontextualizing the past.
Writing this chapter wasnât easy; even after all the personal work Iâve done, I still hadnât fully unpacked much of what I explored here. But in the same way EMDR therapy creates new mental pathways, confessional writing allows me to create new emotional pathways. What once felt overwhelming now feels like part of a larger, layered storyâa story I get to write on my own terms, with dark humor, empathy, and grace.
This chapter is about the seeds of identity, love, and longing being planted in the soil of a viscerally chaotic and often violent childhood, and the thorned rose that breaks forth out of this poisoned soil, delicate and sharp, a reflection of resilience built in tandem with pain.
Not even my closest friends fully understood the depth of my experiences until I opened up to them recently. Sharing this chapter feels like baring my soul in a way thatâs both terrifying and liberating, but after being silent for so long, I believe in the power of raw, confessional storytellingânot just to connect with others, but to heal.
Part 1 introduces the narratorâs restless haze living in her desert hometown one year after high school graduation, working at a twee Wes Anderson-themed restaurant and drifting without direction. A chance encounter with an old acquaintance draws her back into his social circle, sparking a journey into memory. Part 2 delves into the complex history behind this connection, revealing the tangled ties that bind her and the unresolved emotions that shape her path forward.
Iâm so excited to share Part 2, âSeeds Planted,â with you. Itâs layered and deeply personalâanother piece of my journey that Iâm honored to offer to you. Iâm looking forward to hearing how it speaks to you, or how youâve found your own ways of recontextualizing the past.
Jan 12, 2025
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chicago hang success !! it was so lovely to meet everyone today <3 more plans incoming soon đĽmossyelfiejoe_m_millerbashfulchicken
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đmy sister just had a baby and i am considering the type of aunt?/guncle ? (the designation becomes tricky w gender lol) i may be. but ultimately the archetype of âcool auntââmysterious, distant-yet-warm, uninvolved in family dramas, arrives at family gatherings wearing strange, somehow stylish clothes, bearing copious gifts and floating on an air of urban lifeâresonates most soundly with me
this has also led me to reflect on how my momâs sister played such a key role in my  youth by revealing to me a foundational truth that this is not all that there is! âtwas a very hopeful message to me, a miserable child/teen unsuited to christian suburban life, forced to procure my wardrobe primarily from the womenâs section at the department store because that is what my mother deemed reasonable (and kohlâs cash)Â
some of the notable moments my aunt bestowed upon my adolescence include:
⢠taking me to see moonrise kingdom at the indie art deco theater in a nearby mountain town ⢠driving me to philly for shows at tla even though she had no idea who the artists were and would stand in the back; also paying for all my meals and whims on our south street jaunts ⢠curating a collection of signed books from author visits at her local library, which sheâd always drop off nonchalantly as gifts (charles santore picture books, lemony snicket !) ⢠signing me up for 5ks and carting me along to her races ⢠explaining to me what a âlesbianâ is and taking me to meet said lesbians in a dimly lit new york restaurant where i tried alligator sausage and felt so urbane ⢠general trips to ny for broadway shows and museums  ⢠introducing me to rummikub ⢠letting me roam free at community music festivals from late afternoon til dusk, where iâd encounter children from different counties, get in harmless trouble and infuse my life with the intrigue of those unknown to me but in those brief momentsÂ
this has also led me to reflect on how my momâs sister played such a key role in my  youth by revealing to me a foundational truth that this is not all that there is! âtwas a very hopeful message to me, a miserable child/teen unsuited to christian suburban life, forced to procure my wardrobe primarily from the womenâs section at the department store because that is what my mother deemed reasonable (and kohlâs cash)Â
some of the notable moments my aunt bestowed upon my adolescence include:
⢠taking me to see moonrise kingdom at the indie art deco theater in a nearby mountain town ⢠driving me to philly for shows at tla even though she had no idea who the artists were and would stand in the back; also paying for all my meals and whims on our south street jaunts ⢠curating a collection of signed books from author visits at her local library, which sheâd always drop off nonchalantly as gifts (charles santore picture books, lemony snicket !) ⢠signing me up for 5ks and carting me along to her races ⢠explaining to me what a âlesbianâ is and taking me to meet said lesbians in a dimly lit new york restaurant where i tried alligator sausage and felt so urbane ⢠general trips to ny for broadway shows and museums  ⢠introducing me to rummikub ⢠letting me roam free at community music festivals from late afternoon til dusk, where iâd encounter children from different counties, get in harmless trouble and infuse my life with the intrigue of those unknown to me but in those brief momentsÂ
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â˛these landed all at once and iâm feeling tapped into a wellspring of compassion and gratitude