For the past few months I have been dragging my introverted self out of the house and doing all kinds of stuff in the world because thatās where the people are. So far I have gotten to the acquaintance stage with a few people and small talk with a lot of people. Even if I donāt become friends with everyone I talk to, itās good socializing practice. Sometimes I make a goal like āstart a conversation with at least 3 peopleā. Tomorrow Iām going to a music video shoot for a band I donāt even like that much just because the opportunity presented itself to me and I can meet people there. I donāt know what the odds are of making a friend, but I know if I spend that time alone, the odds are zero. If I want friends, I have to make it happen.
Jun 29, 2025
Related Recs
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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Absolutely love, I think I've never been shy really but I've shared this feeling you've got of anxiety and fear that my interactions with other people might go so wrong. Used to happen to me because I wasn't sure if I was someone they would like, and my asocial tendencies might get in the way of anyone liking me. Not only that, at some point I convinced myself it wasn't worth trying cause they were probably bad people and would laugh about me. But I'll tell you what, I went to this sort of spiritual retreat with other tenagers at the time, and the woman who was leading it always told us something that seems obvious but that I never really understood until that point, and it was "Opportunities belong to those who take them" if you don't take the opportunity what face do you have to complain?. I ain't lying when I say it changed my life. Because then every time I saw someone I really wished I could talk to I would remind myself that the opportunity was there, beyond the fear and everything, it was there waiting for me. The next thing to learn was to get used to rejection, it sounds awful but the more you hear the word No, the less limiting it is, the less scary. You can't imagine how beautiful it can be for someone else to feel you found them so interesting and worthy of your time even without having met them yet. And finally, start small, give a compliment, set the base for those people you want to meet, let your face be familiar to them, next time you might smile at them, and when it feel comfortable go and say hi, make small talk, tell them what you found nice about them and ask if it would be okay to have their socials, maybe you'll create a bond steady enough to ask for a coffee date or meet up.
wish you the best of lucks XOXO
Apr 26, 2025
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these two things have been huge for helping me get a healthy level of community. oh thereās an event that looks cool that you saw on socials? go. donāt have anyone to go with? didnāt ask. youāll meet cool people there.
someone is putting on something or invited you to come with them to something? youāre going. oh you donāt know that person super well? donāt care. youāre going to get to know them now.
being introverted just means you need a balance of socializing and solitude, but you donāt get community in isolation. if a door opens to you and it seems cool, donāt deny yourself an experience! approaching it with the mindset of going to build community and meet people and broaden your horizons will get you far.
Nov 23, 2024
Top Recs from @regularcucumber
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Log off Amazon prime and step into the real world. Go to a local physical store in your community. Look your neighbor in the eye and put money in their hand.
Go to a local venue and hear what musicians in your community are creating. Talk to them about it afterwards. Buy a T-shirt or cd or whatever theyāre selling, theyāll make more money from that than from thousands of streams. Seriously, Spotify pays a fraction of a penny per stream.
Forget about Starbucks. Check out a local coffee shop instead. Learn your baristaās name and tip them.
Go to your local book store and library. Look around and see what book covers catch your eye. Ask employees for recommendations instead of just reading whateverās trending on #booktok.Ā
Go to your local museums, farmers market, theaters, restaurants, whatever your community has going on.
When you go local, you see your community in a new way. You make friends and feel more connected to the people around you.
You will discover new things organically instead of relying on an algorithm. You keep your money circulating in your community instead of making billionaires richer. You will have a greater appreciation for where you live.
P.S. Pay In CashĀ
Jan 29, 2025