It fascinates me how a guy could yell at your face, call you the most degrading thing, make you cry and your blood boil only to hours later give a shitty apology like 'I don't have an excuse but I didn't mean what I said' like?? If you were truly sorry you'd reflect and grow from mistakes, rather than making empty promises and repeatedly doing the same thing. And no he's not a man in my book because a real one wouldn't be so belligerent.
'But Emmita it could just be his trauma making him act like this!!' Your trauma does not excuse how badly you treat others and it irks me that people will always try to escape accountability by blaming it on trauma. It does not define you first of all and it should not be your scapegoat.
There are fleeting moments where I fear for my future children, wish for everything I've got that they won't inherit the gene my father has that makes him so horrid. Only when I remind myself that we do not share flesh and blood can I feel the tension in my shoulders go away.
Why should I think I'm selfish for taking time for myself when I spent my life taking care of you?
So please make me the villain in your story, be angry for telling you the truth, be pissed I'm not letting your shit slide; I'd rather be evil than blind to my own actions. Especially when it's under the guise of 'good advice' or 'life experience'. You may praise God almighty, claim you're his favorite but you are by no means a saint, one who is excused.
Why do I cry for you? Why do I go to bed with a guilty conscience? Why was I taught I should?