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It fascinates me how a guy could yell at your face, call you the most degrading thing, make you cry and your blood boil only to hours later give a shitty apology like 'I don't have an excuse but I didn't mean what I said' like?? If you were truly sorry you'd reflect and grow from mistakes, rather than making empty promises and repeatedly doing the same thing. And no he's not a man in my book because a real one wouldn't be so belligerent.
'But Emmita it could just be his trauma making him act like this!!' Your trauma does not excuse how badly you treat others and it irks me that people will always try to escape accountability by blaming it on trauma. It does not define you first of all and it should not be your scapegoat.
There are fleeting moments where I fear for my future children, wish for everything I've got that they won't inherit the gene my father has that makes him so horrid. Only when I remind myself that we do not share flesh and blood can I feel the tension in my shoulders go away.
Why should I think I'm selfish for taking time for myself when I spent my life taking care of you?
So please make me the villain in your story, be angry for telling you the truth, be pissed I'm not letting your shit slide; I'd rather be evil than blind to my own actions. Especially when it's under the guise of 'good advice' or 'life experience'. You may praise God almighty, claim you're his favorite but you are by no means a saint, one who is excused.
Why do I cry for you? Why do I go to bed with a guilty conscience? Why was I taught I should?
2d ago
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realizing we are all just people who make mistakes. i might be the villain in someones story and that’s okay. i did all i could directly, i apologized and took responsibility and they asked i leave them alone so that’s what im doing. all i can do now is work on myself to try and make sure i dont repeat those mistakes that hurt others. don’t let the shame get to u and convince u that u can’t change. use your guilt don’t just sit and think about the what ifs or wishing you could turn back time and never do it. u can’t you just have to move on and be better.
remember ur mistakes do not define u but how u respond to them does.
Apr 19, 2025
Every time something happens that's out of my control, I always internalize it and I start sulking, making it seem like I'm somehow at fault for the thing that happened (or didn't happen).
Take today, for example. I was supposed to go out with a friend, but she suddenly cancelled without (what felt like) much of a reason.
I'm not upset because my friend cancelled our plans, she had every right to, and I won't hold that against her. I think the issue is that I'm upset because my friend cancelled our plans.
I had something that I was looking forward to, and now that thing isn't happening anymore. That's the thing that making me upset. And for whatever reason, I'm making it seem like it's my fault that she cancelled, like it's my fault that I'm not going out. Like there was somehow, something that I did, that cause my friend to cancel.
The truth is: It's nobody's fault. She had her reason to cancel, and I had no control over that. Sometimes, I find it difficult to accept that this is simply the case for a lot of things that don't go my way.
I find it interesting that I can state that this is what happened, but it's like I refuse to believe it. Like I'm lying to myself to try and "justify" what "actually" happened.
image via @/hel7l7 on tumblr
Jun 19, 2025
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A healthy exercise for all of us that have to cooperate with other humans on a day to day basis. (I think most of us, right??)
From my experience working as a cook in a kitchen: major f-ups happens all the time. Maybe because something were not communicated properly, maybe because someone is a bit off or maybe because something important was just completely forgotten about by everyone.
Usually it's not a big deal, you re-strategise, change the game plan and everything works out just fine in the end. What I've noticed is that when people start calling each other out... that is when shit really begins to hit the fan.
To loudly announce "Who did WHAT??", "Why the FUCK would anyone ever??" or just "IDIOT!" are maybe sooome of the more obvious ways cooks telegraphs their feelings regarding these f-ups and mistakes, at least in a not so healthy workplace. Usually it is not this obvious, you probably know about these ways of critique since they're universal. Everywhere where mistakes and f-ups happen there'll always be people glaring, mumbling and trying to subtly imply who's guilty or just find someone to put the blame on and make feel bad. Somehow this always seems to be more relevant than to power through and solve the problems. WEIRD, I know.
But how do I go about trying to not be that guy, the guy more concerned about who did it rather than finding a solution, and what do I suggest you should do to avoid becoming that guy?
Whenever you find yourself in a situation where a mistake affects you, whether someone bumps into you at the grocery store or you and your peers fail to accomplish that common goal you all had in mind, the first thing that should pop into your mind is "What could I have done different to avoid this?". Always assume it's your fault.
Why? Because you know. You know FOR SURE it was a mistake, you know FOR SURE you didn't want this to happen to you or affect anyone around you. Sometimes shit happens, maybe you were tired, inattentive or just having a bad day, it doesn't matter. What matters is that it was an honest mistake and not your ~intention~. Now you may strive to correct it and make sure it won't happen again (even though it might and it'd be okey).
After this moment of self reflection you might find yourself in a situation where you come to the conclusion... fuck, I did nothing wrong... They did. What do you do then? Go through a similar train of thought, be kind, assume they meant no harm and that it was a honest mistake. Without bad intentions I think it should be difficult to be truly upset.
In the long run I think this exercise have helped me becoming more of self reflecting person, more kind towards other and especially towards myself. Whenever I don't live up to my own expectations I just reflect about what I should've done differently to achieve the result I want rather than thinking of myself as worthless. This to me is a huge key to improving and actually learning.
Thanks for the read if you made it this far!
And to all of you who think this is obvious stuff,
to a lot of people it's not.
Trust me on that one.
Feb 5, 2024
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I think that their story is overshadowed by other greek love (if you can even call some that) stories like Orpheus and Eurydice, Hades and Persephone, and Aphrodite and Adonis. I analyzed this piece for my art class in the first semester of junior year and am still working on it for a study; it's cool actually how something that takes seconds to admire can take hours to gain insight. Greek myths I think prove that there's a bit of human in everyone; forgiveness and redemption, power and betrayal, love and hate.
2d ago
I cried like a baby the other day, and honestly I'm glad I did.
In my core class I was doing some research on my EE topic, mainly focusing on Marina Abramović since I'm obsessed with her work so obviously my essay is revolved around her.
Anyways,
Amidst my research I took in time to view a fuller extent of The Artist is Present'. I knew it was an all day things, how people lined up to view it and even how celebrities such as Alan Rickman and Bjork sat with Abramović. The main thing about this was to have a conversation without words and instead utilize eyes, expressions, and sighs.
I know there are photos and videos of people crying and such when meeting Abramović, but she wouldn't have any extreme reactions other then smiling or sometimes shedding a single tear. Moreover, she would not move her arms nor extend them to the person sitting across from her.
Ulay was a German performance artist who had a relationship with Abramović with twelve years and after mutually agreeing to separating, they decided to meet each other at the great wall of China. The two started at opposite ends and met at the middle which took three months, they hugged, and this act was called 'Lovers'.
I love artist lore especially when it's about two people who have history together in the same profession.
Anywho so one day while Abramović is seated with eyes shut, a guy takes a seat on front of her and when they lock eyes the two immediately becone teary eyed.
Because it's Ulay and their first time seeing each other in years.
They cry, laugh, smile, and for the first time extends her arms to hold Ulay's hands, to which he takes.
So yeah, seeing it made me bawl and it's overall such a powerful clip. I think everyone should watch it.
I think too that it encapsulates that despite growing far from a previous loved one, the emotions are still kept in tact waiting for a chance to sprout again.
Feb 20, 2025
I am super excited I'm going on a roadtrip with my wonderful boyfriend which also equals endless questions and my annoying meter knows no bounds.
I have matcha, my Sonny Angel, my lip combo, his hoodie, cherry Tylenol, Massive Attack and Portishead I am absolutely unstoppable.
1d ago